Last minute panic??

[Chimera]

I swear this has been mentioned before, but I couldn't find any recent threads on it so here goes... I'm starting to come out, and suddenly find myself questioning everything all over again. Like, maybe all of this was just some weird phase and as soon as everyone finds out about me I will suddenly realize that I was straight all along! Hell, on the way home today I saw an attractive man and wanted to scream, "Look! Look! Nobody needs to know about me because there's a chance I can be with a guy!!"

I'm also panicking because my best friend's mother found out about me today. I am very close to the family and recently told her father, who accepted me. (OMG that meant to world to me!) He said he'd talk to his wife because their extended family is extremely religious/conservative. Today she came up to her daughter and blurted out in front of several people, "Is it true what I heard about Megan!?" Now more people then I had anticipated know something is up. I feel like a fire is starting to burn and I am powerless to stop it Thankfully, the father said I will not be kicked out of their communal home, but I am still scared... especially if I stir up trouble over something I might be wrong about.

Everything feels so surreal right now.

[Chandra]

It's natural to feel panic in a situation like this, and for your mind to start serving up excuses to avoid coming out. But the fact is, the idea that sexuality is a "phase" is something straight people (usually parents) make up in order to remain in denial. If you have felt sexually attracted to women for a long time, chances are you always will, regardless of whether you find the occasional man attractive too.

As to whether you should come out - usually I say this is a decision that only you can make. But in your case, it sounds like the decision is being made for you - as people find out through others. I'm sorry that this is happening in a way that's not on your terms. But it might be best for you to take control of the situation by confronting the rumours head on - try to hold your head high, stay calm, and let people know that yes, what they heard is true, and that is who you are. I'm not going to say that you won't have any negative reactions, because I don't know your friends and family, but if you express yourself with confidence and self-respect, people may be more likely to accept what you have to say.

[paul]

I think about that too. A large reason for that is other peoples perceptions of homosexuals. Imagine a world where everybody accepted homosexuality and then imagine who you would choose. Hoped I could help
Paul

[Chimera]

Thank you Chandra and Paul, your comments mean a lot. I'm feeling a bit calmer now, and realized that the people who matter most to me already know and accept me for who I am, and that the backlash I might receive isn't the end of the world (except for my mom, but that's another topic altogether).

Maybe it'll be a good thing if the news continues to travel though the grapevine, just so I don't have to do it myself!