Meeting the dad. And I'm not allowed to say who exactly I am.

So, I have a girlfriend, who I was friends with before I got together with her earlier this month. We were close before so the transition to being in a relationship wasn't really that big. Unexpected, but it didn't change THAT much.

I've visited her family before. Her parents are seperated and I've been to both houses, her dad's and her mom's, though I visited her mom's more often because that's closer to my house and her dad's is about 30 minutes away.

There's something you have to know about her dad to understand why I'm concerned about what's going to happen tomorrow. Her dad is one of the typical homophobic people that point towards their religion to justify their homophobic behavior. He's a christian, just like my girlfriend, and he has shown many times that he won't put up with her being gay. She came out to him and ever since then he's been trying to push her back into the closet and "turn her straight". From what I've heard from her and experienced myself, he's quite a bit of a control freak and tends to try and run EVERY SINGLE PART of her life. It's quite scary and I find it wrong since it's her life and he's trying to make her go against who she is.

Now... tomorrow, I will go to her dad's house and spend the day with her, in which we will be alone in the house. Then afterwards we will have dinner with her father and her youngest sister (who is also homophobic). Her father wants to ask about my sexual orientation, because somehow he is under the impression I am a lesbian, though I am not quite sure how he came to that conclusion. Whether he thought it because of my appearance or because of my behavior, I don't know, but he knows I'm gay. He wants to question me about this and ask if I have a girlfriend. And on top of all of that being quite uncomfortable to talk about with my girlfriend right next to me while I'm supposed to keep it a secret to him that that girl IS my girlfriend, I'm also a terrible liar and unconsciously quite cuddly with my girlfriend.

So... I'm not quite sure if I'm going to be able to pull it off. I don't know if I can lie to his face and tell him I don't have a girlfriend. I also don't know if I can manage to remember not to hold her hand in front of him or anything of the sort. And I'm not sure if I'm ready for yet another speech about how me being gay is wrong.

Any idea how I'm supposed to deal with this?

 

I wasn't planning on hiding that I'm gay at all. The issue is that I'm a terrible liar and I don't know if I can tell him I don't have a girlfriend while I'm actually dating his daugther. He might even call me out on it, and then I can't lie because that's what I'm like. I'm doing this for her, not for myself, because I'm not about to hide who I am to anyone, unless it harms someone I care about, like it would probably get her in lots of trouble if I said I'm her girlfriend.

I already agreed to go. I understand she wants me to go because she wants her dad to get to know me a bit so maybe she can tell him I'm her girlfriend in a while. She is not planning on hiding it forever, she wants to have it out too, but she's afraid he will do everything in his power to keep her away from me which includes: Not letting her go outside, pretty much just keeping her in her room all day, not letting me visit, not letting her go back to her mom's for the weekend like she always does, making her switch schools because we're going to be in the same class and a whole lot more of the same stuff.

I don't want to lose her and that's why I'm doing this. I will not back down because this bastard doesn't like me but I also cannot tell him I'm her girlfriend. It's a tricky situation for someone that's a terrible liar and extremely sick of people whining about how me being gay is wrong.

Anyway, thank you... I'll probably just have to bite through this one. Again.

 

I was going to try and avoid the topic already, but from conversations I've heard of between my girlfriend and him, he is very direct and to the point. He doesn't let people avoid a topic, especially if he wants to talk about it.

I've thought about telling him I have a girlfriend but not going into detail. Like... if he asks what she's like just answer him honestly, but never directly tell him it's his daughter, but that's a dangerous road. He might call me out on it being her, so I don't think I can do that. I can't lie and act I have a different girlfriend though. That's not something I can keep up.

Thank you for your advice anyway. I guess this issue is just one of those issues that you can't really solve and just have to stand through for a while.