Hey, everyone. My name is Brooke, and I just joined the site today, because this looks exactly like what I've been needing for advice. I've always known that I was attracted to girls, for as long as I can remember. I've only recently decided to try talking to my mom about being a lesbian, but she swears that it's a phase, and she says I've liked boys my entire life, so there's just no way I can possibly be gay. Throughout my life, I have developed small infatuations with boys, but only because I've always felt that that was how I was expected to feel. It never felt real, and I always knew that liking guys had just never "clicked" for me like it does for everyone else. It felt like I was SUPPOSED to want to be in relationships with guys, but I've never been sexually attracted to them. I don't know how to tell her that I know how I feel, and that I do, in fact, like girls, and always have. Should I just wait it out, and bring it up again in a few months or so, so she'll know it's not "just a phase"? Any advice at all is super-helpful.
I have just told my mother I am bi And she was the most supportive I have ever seen her. So feel free to tell someone, but be warned, telling one person could then domino over to everyone knowing
I'm not sure how helpful I'll be, but I'll try. I know where you're coming from, I tried talking to my mom about being gay starting last Christmas, and it went rather poorly. At first she tried to be supportive, but that didn't last long. She said there was no way I could be gay, that I was imagining it, among many other hurtful things. So I basically went back in the closet, but tried bringing it up for a while. When I realized that I was getting nowhere I gave up and stayed in the closet. A big part of me regrets deciding to stop pushing the issue, but I think it might it might have been for the best. In the last few months, her blatant homophobia has decreased significantly and she's been saying that she'll love me no matter what and just wants me to be happy. Even though I regret going back in the closet, it gave her time to process it and (hopefully) realize I'm gay and spared me some drama. Now I just need to get the courage to come out again, I basically alternate between "I should do it, she must know" and "Maybe I shouldn't she probably doesn't know", curse over thinking everything. I'm not sure that dropping it for a while and then brining it back will convince her it's not a phase, but it might work and if you're not getting anywhere now what do you have to lose? I hope I was able to help some.
Actually, your post was quite helpful. That's kind of the alternation that I'm going through right now, like, "I should tell her, she's my mom, after all, she needs to know" and then the "But maybe not...". It's just kind of an awkward thing to have to keep bringing up over and over, ya know?
Hello again, if this helps. I sat down to dinner and started stuttering then said mum I think I'm bi.
I agree that it is very awkward trying to bring it up, and in my family sex is basically never mentioned. I think the only thing more awkward than the first time I told her I was gay, was trying to tell he after I'd started going back in the closet. I think that when I finally get the courage to come out again it'll super awkward since I've now let her think I'm straight, but I'm hoping that she didn't buy my straight act very much. ---------- Post added 15th Aug 2012 at 02:26 PM ---------- That's way better than when I tried coming out. I was pretty much an emotional wreck and I sort of blurted out that I was gay before thinking, not good.
I feel like I'm just afraid to be so blunt about it. It's hard for me to even say "I'm gay" to myself sometimes, so actually hearing it come out of my mouth is a little scary sometimes. I mean, that's kind of how I came out to my best friends, I just kinda said it, and they were like, "I knew it!". But I don't know how my mom would react to it. I know she's not homophobic, though. Like, when I was little, I was a super-tomboy, and she's always told me that she always kind of thought I'd grow up to be a lesbian, but that she'd love me either way, which is part of why I'm not really understanding why she's feeling like it's a phase. Maybe I should just work up the nerve to get it out, but maybe plan what I want to say before I say it?
I am scared to say it out loud, and the only reason i was so blunt is because I didn't know how else to tell her. I told her I needed to have a serious convosation with her alone, and I just said it over dinner and a beer. I only did it because my counsellor suggested my mother would be the most important person to tell. And like you, for years when I have been growing up and saying In the future when I am married my wife And she has always said to me Or husband I always laughed at her, but now I know she just wanted me to keep an open mind. Sorry if this isn't helpful
No, it actually is really helpful! I agree that she would be the most important person to tell, especially because I've always been close with my mom. It's odd that for someone with such an open mind, she would dismiss me so quickly like she does, especially knowing how I've been since I was a really little kid. I really do want to tell her over like dinner or something, so we're both sitting down, and I can just say what I need to say.
I think planning some of what you want to say is a good thing, it'll help calm you and you'll be better prepared. I think part of the reason she is acting this way is denial, we live in such a heteronormative society that even though she might have said she thought you'd be a lesbian she probably didn't think it would actually happen. I've done some stereotypical gay stuff over the years and my mom kept saying "You can't be gay, you don't do any of the stuff they do". Take a look at this: Empty Closets - Parent and Family Stages of Grief I think that eventually she'll come around and realize that this isn't a phase. ---------- Post added 15th Aug 2012 at 02:58 PM ---------- I'm seriously jealous of you right now.
Yes it would be better if you didn't just say it over dinner. But for me I had just gone on holiday for a week with my mother her boyfriend and a straight male friend of mine I feel like I love. So I just couldnt keep it in any longer. But if you plan it more, you should be calmer about it than I was
That post is like, exactly what I needed. Hopefully that is what the situation is right now, that she's just in denial. Thank you SO SO SO much.
Hm, sounds kind of like where I was. I would give it time, but also try easing back into it, like making remarks about how, "She's kind of pretty." And that kind of thing. Bottom line is this may take a really long time. It will be hard, and expect it to be difficult, but know that if she really loves you, she'll come around.
