I've heard that some kids go to their older siblings for advice on things they wouldn't talk to their parents about. I was wondering if i should consider doing that too, but I haven't seen mine in 10 years. My mother and father were never married and I wasn't allowed contact with my father and half siblings after the age of six. Recently he has contacted my mother and arranged for me to spend a few days with him and my older sisters in a few weeks. I'm incredibly nervous about seeing them and I don't know how i should act around them. What if i'm not what they are expecting? I'm also scared of my father's reaction towards me. I remember from when I was little that he was an angry, strict and religious man. He hated the name that my mother gave me and had me go by a Muslim name when I was with him. I wasn't allowed to do things that I would normally do and would be punished when i accidentally did them. However it has been 10 years and he says that he has been seeing a therapist about his anger issues. I also worry about his religious views as i'm not very knowledgeable of the Islamic religion and how he feels about the LGBT community. I hope my sisters are more open minded than my father. I have been thinking about it and I would like to confide in them, but i'm not sure if i should. It has been a long time and we don't know each other that well. would I be stupid if i did?
I don't think you will be able to make this decision until you get to know your siblings better. As you're quite young, and I'm assuming still dependent on your family, you don't want to put yourself into a position where you could be kicked out or harshly penalized by them. It sounds like you don't know your siblings well enough yet to know if they can be trusted to keep your secret, or even if they will be accepting of you. I would suggest that you spend some time getting to know your siblings, and maybe if they seem like supportive and trustworthy people, try to feel out their attitudes towards LGBT people in a round-about way by mentioning recent news stories, etc. before you come out to them. Do you have anyone else you would feel safe talking to, like a close friend?
No, not really. I have a friend but she's not someone i'd feel safe talking about this stuff with. I just feel so lonely all the time. It'd be nice to have someone to talk to, physically talk to.
Agreed, proceed with some level of caution. I opened up to my older sibling and the information I gave away soon became a tool for manipulation and then weapon when we had an argument. And this was a sibling I trusted, they just weren't very mature. However I'm not discouraging doing so. It is a great relief to have someone to go to. Although I did resent what my sibling did, the fact I can be open and ask for advice from her pretty much outweighs what happened. Like Chandra said, make sure you can get to know them better before saying anything. And take baby steps, there is no need to rush. When/if you do decide to speak to them, I'd suggest asking them how they think your father would react. It seems they have spent more time with him so may have a clearer idea. Unless they dislike you for some absurd reason, I think they'd be happy to keep quiet about it if he is homophobic. I wish the best for you. I know how hard it can be feeling alone with no support.
It is hard to feel alone with a secret. I understand that, and I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't know where you live, but have you tried finding out if there is an LGBT support group in your area, where you could meet people like you who understand what you're going through? Or even a school counsellor that you would trust?
I don't know if there are any in my area, but even if there were it'd be impossible to go without my mother finding out. she never lets me go anywhere unless she or another member of my family are there and she knows what i'm doing. I can't even go to the library by myself. I've thought about talking to my school counselor, but i get nervous when speaking to adults and can never find the courage to do so.
Hm, that certainly makes it tough. What is the atmosphere like at your school? Is your school counsellor someone who you think would be supportive of you? (They are of course supposed to be supportive of everyone and maintain confidentiality, but there are good and bad counsellors just like any other profession.) If so, all you need to do is work up the courage to walk through the door, sit down and say you have something to talk about but you're afraid to talk about it. A good counsellor will find a way to put you at ease and help you get the words out.
In school i'm easily intimidateded by others and only interact when necessary. I'm not sure about my counselor, I haven't talked to her before. At my school students have to make an appointment before meeting with their counselor. I tried doing it once, but the receptionist kept asking me questions I wasn't sure how to answer and there were other students waiting in the room with us. I felt uncomfortable and left before I could actually meet my counselor.
What kinds of questions? They shouldn't be asking you to reveal anything personal in front of other students. Maybe see if you can find a time to try again when there aren't other students around. I'm sorry this is such a struggle for you. I hope we can at least help you feel supported here at EC.
Questions regarding my emotional health. Many of my teachers have questioned it before. apparently i give off the appearance of a depressed student. when i told her that I needed to speak to my counselor, about feelings that I've been having, she jumped to conclusions. I guess i could try again. Though it will be difficult to find a less crowded time to go. I will try nonetheless. EC has been very welcoming. I had felt lost before joining the site. It is nice to be able to communicate with those willing to offer their support.
That's really unprofessional and inappropriate. If she does that again, just repeat that you'd prefer to talk to the counsellor privately. You should not be obligated to offer any information to the receptionist. Good luck!
