I recently decided to come out to my dad in a session with my therapist. I’ll be doing this in about a week, so I have a question to ask. Does anyone think this is a good idea? To show why I can’t tell him face to face, I’ll talk about him a bit. My dad once told me that I could bring anyone home to date as long as it wasn’t a guy. He’s been trying to get me to be with a girl for a while, asking me why I’m not with one almost every day that I see him. My dad is homophobic, catholic, and rather unpredictable. This is to the point that I could see him throwing me out of the house if I were to tell him face to face. (Which wouldn’t really hurt me since I live with my mom who I’ve already told) He could disown me, he could put up a fit, or he could do something worse. He is extremely uncooperative and unwilling to accept things that he doesn’t like. My dad is also rather narcissistic, and thinks that he’s always right. I can just see him telling me it’s just a phase. I wanted to tell him face to face, but he would probably just throw me out of the house, or question me about it, or try to change me. I don’t think I can handle that. He’s very controlling. Next, I wanted to try telling him with my mom by my side, but my dad has been irritated with my mom ever since the divorce, and he would probably blame her immediately after I told him I am gay. Then a fight would break out, and that wouldn’t be good. So, my final option is to drive my own car to my counseling center to meet my dad there, bring him into my session with me, tell him I’m gay, and then have my therapist there to mediate/protect me. That way my mom wouldn’t be in jeopardy until after my dad had time to think, and he also wouldn’t be able to freak out on me due to how he is in front of another person. After I tell him, it’s still unpredictable about what he will do. He could easily blame my therapist and yell at him, or he could storm out, or he could yell at me as soon as we leave the room. That, or he could go on a massive “rampage” and call my mom up to yell at her, or track me and my mom down to yell at us (which he has tried to do before.) You can see why I want to take separate cars to the meeting. So I can get away from him if I have to. So, what do you think about all of this? I don’t want my dad to feel ambushed or hurt, but at the same time, I want to tell him in a safe way.
If it's really that bad is there a particular reason you want him to know? It sounds like you don't really even have a very good relationship with him to begin with? It's kind of like how it is with my brother. We don't really have any kind of relationship(he's 8 years older than me) and he might be a little homophobic, so there is not much reason to tell him since we hardly even talk. I guess I can see you wanting to be honest with him and stuff since he's your dad, but if he feels that negatively about gay people I'd be a bit leery.
second that. But still, if you choose to tell him and face to face it's probably the best way. I just thought it might be wise to have someone else there who could drive in case you get too upset by his reaction. Also, being alone and almost fleeing from your father isn't a good idea. Maybe you could bring a friend with you or just tell someone who lives near this place you could have a stopover if you need one.
Well, my dad and I have a rather good relationship now, except for the fact that I always feel awkward around him since he didn't really give me a good childhood, I'm just saying that he shifts into this weird mode whenever something he thinks is bad happens. Maybe I'm just looking at the worst case scenario.
true so, but a therapist (at least it's like that here) wouldn't usually be driving you home. After all I had read it might still be a good idea to have someone around you after telling in presence of the therapist ^^ Hmm, a good relationship is always a good ground to work on and yeah, picturing worst case scenarios is pretty normal in these issues. (my parents were accepting, although I thought they would throw me out). But still, being paranoid doesn't mean you're not being watched :dry:
Yeah I think you are looking at the worst case scenario--but you have to plan for the possibility of that happening. You will have to come out to him eventually, but in front of a therapist would make more sense. Ultimately I think he already may have suspicion that you are gay since he said he doesn't want you bringing any guys home. You only have to come out to him once. Best of Luck, Paul
