Can you CHOOSE 2 B Straight after sleeping w/ a man??

[Iamme]

Hi EC~

It's been a while since I've posted but a new "twist" has surfaced. My "guy" has decided he doesn't want to be with a man and wants a woman. He gave us the "platonic brother hat" and wants to bury our past. I can't just do that- the only thing that has changed is no more sex.... He still contacts me every morning- looks to see if I'm online to chat with, shows up randomly (uninvited) to chill and hangout.

I still have feelings for him- still want him- still attracted to him and when i tell him, he doesn't want to hear it. I told him that I'm comfortable with who I am and I'm okay with saying I like both- and like him- he said he is not...

I know there are people like him out there-- and I'm wondering how you do it? Can you just choose to be straight after sleeping with and having feelings for a man? We started sleeping together back in 2009 for almost year, then took a "platonic break" from june 09 til dec 11. and now in aug 12 we're back to "platonic brothers".

He also wants to live with me again- in the 2nd bedroom and have girls over- be able to do his own thing- but I can't allow that. I can't promise him I won't want to touch him and i don't want to hear him having sex with girls (or anyone for that matter).

I don't know if he's just hiding and fighting who he is-- or what. What's the exp of the older men out there? He's almost 37- did the married w/ kids thing-- now divorced-- and "chasing" girls 25 and under-

[paul]

Being gay isn't a choice. He is obviously convinced with the age old notion that being gay is a choice and maybe if he acts and believes he is straight, he will become straight. Give him some time or even better, find a man confident in his sexuality.
Best of Luck,
Paul

[featherpaint]

^ best answer

[Chip]

He can try and convince himself he's straight. And maybe he can find a girl and marry her and be miserable... and end up like so many of our older members who are coming out, and getting out of a marriage, 25 years later.

But no, he's bullshitting himself. You may or may not be able to help him understand this. Perhaps if you can get him to come here and talk to us, that will help.

[Jim1454]

He wants his cake and to eat it too. He enjoys your company and perhaps your generosity but doesn't want to get real about his true desires and attractions.

Out of respect for you, given your past together, there is NO WAY he should want to live with you and entertain women there. This shows a complete lack of consideration for YOU.

In my opinion, you should ask him to stop dropping by unannounced - because that's not polite either - and you should start to build a life for yourself that doesn't include him. Meet new people. Go on dates. Develop a new circle of friends to 'hand out and chill' with. Stay firm in your refusal to have him move in with you. THAT in my opinion would be a really bad idea.

You deserve better. Decide what you want, and if he's not able to give that to you, go looking for someone who can. There are lots of other fish in the sea.

[Iamme]

Thanks guys,

You are all RIGHT and I'm trying to cut ties with him-- he wants my loving friendship-- but he's too weak himself to actually give me anything in return (bc he has more baggage than a jumbo 747 and why I waited for him is beyond me-- love is funny lol)

His recent comment to be today was "I am straight. Just because I fooled around doesn't mean I'm not. I'm in a diff place and i don't think about it."

To me, that's hiding from it-- but maybe that's just me. Or if we only "fooled around" a few times, then maybe- but it went on for quite some time- to the point where he wore ladies thongs and skirts bc he wanted to and felt sexy--

SO yes, it is time to close this chapter in my life

[blightedsight]

One can CHOOSE to say whatever they like about their sexuality, but no matter what you call a spade, it's still a spade.

[wc1]

Sonuds like a tiny weeny amount of denial in this situation. The guy obviously doesn't appreciate you - even as a so called 'friend' because otherwise he wouldnt be contacting you so often. He sounds like a pretty confused man, I would say move one and leave him to his messed up mind! Obviously easier said than done...