1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Why can't you be bi?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by confounded88, Aug 16, 2012.

  1. confounded88

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2012
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    AZ
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    So here is the deal. I have not come out but to maybe a few people... its really hard for me to do so...what is expected of me, how should I act. I get a lot of crap from both the gays and the straights. I told my friend I was bi and she asked if I was really just gay and now every time I even mention thinking a girl is hot she rolls her eyes like im lying, and my gay friend expects me to act gay....but I'm not. I feel like in order for me to be who I am and be allowed to be attracted to whoever I just have to be hush and play straight...waiting for an opportunity to come by and play a different role. Is it just me? this sucks, whats with all the expectations?:help::bang::tears::help:
     
  2. musikk021

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2012
    Messages:
    539
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I think most people just simply don't understand being bi. We live in a very black and white world where everything is either or - this or that.

    Also, what's tainted the "bi" label is that many people use it to ease their coming out process. I've heard/read many stories where people tell people they're bi before slowly, over time, coming out as straight-up gay. It's somewhat an easier transition because being bi is like being "half straight" at least. In other people's eyes, there's still the chance that this person could lead a straight lifestyle, so people use the bi label to soften the blow, if you will.

    There are also a lot of people who just want to experiment with both sexes and call themselves bi until they get into a straight relationship, and the bi thing turns into a phase or passing label. With this happening a lot, it's harder for people to take bisexuality seriously because they think it may be the case where people are just experimenting.
     
  3. castle walls

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2011
    Messages:
    798
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Western USA
    I agree with musikk021. There are a lot of misconceptions about bisexuality. Just off the top of my head there is:
    1. Bisexuals can not be faithful
    2. Bisexuality is not real
    3. Bisexuals are more likely to have STDs
    4. Bisexuals are easily accepted by straight society
    5. Bisexuals must date a person of each gender at the same time to be satisfied

    With the friends that I have come out to, I explained to them how my sexuality works. In the beginning, a few of the people I came out to believed that it was a phase. After I explained it all to them, they completely understood

    Also, welcome to EC! :smilewave
     
  4. Pseudojim

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2009
    Messages:
    2,868
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Be confident. It will pass. I got some of the same shit, but people get used to it. Those that don't deserve a laugh.
     
  5. PurpleCrab

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2012
    Messages:
    543
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sherbrooke, QC Canada

    That (!)

    There's people who won't believe it until they get used to the idea. Until they you just need to keep being you :slight_smile:
     
  6. Chierro

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2011
    Messages:
    1,059
    Likes Received:
    186
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thankfully I never had to go through that with my friends. They accepted me and we were able to joke about it. Like when they'd ask me who my crush was I'd say, 'which one? Guy or girl?' and we'd just laugh.

    If they won't accept you then flat out say to them, 'you know what, I'm bi, I like guys and girls, if you can't accept that, then screw you.'
     
  7. lwp08reh

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2012
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    If I'm being honest I used the bisexual card for a few years from 21 to 24 because it was more convenient than coming out as gay. However my straight friends simply did not buy it and said bisexuality is just a 'smokescreen'. Looking back now I used bisexuality as a tool to soften me up and soften up others to eventually come out as gay. I hold a very black and white attitude on this and I understand what you mean about acting differently for a gay audience and a straight audience. For me being bi was not sustainable as I knew deep down my true preference was guys. Good luck!
     
  8. Revan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2005
    Messages:
    7,850
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I hate to admit it, but I'm one of those who said "I'm bi" to ease the process...though same time I think at the time I did actually think I still liked girls, and so I think I figured by saying I was bi I could continue to like girls and like guys same time. Eventually I realized I only 'liked girls' in the friendship way and admired their beauty, but was definitely 100% gay.

    But I should mention at the time I considered myself bi, I wouldn't say I was using it as a stepping stone, I actually did believe I was, and I do believe it is a real sexuality. This one guy I'm starting to see is bi, is slightly leaning towards men, but still considers himself attracted to some girls so he's like 65% men, 35% women as he described it. So to me, it's a real sexuality and you can be bi if you want to be :slight_smile:
     
  9. Pinstripe

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2012
    Messages:
    198
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NE
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I'm sorry you have to deal with these stereotypes, from your friends, no less. People are just so quick to categorize others, and when they're only attracted to one gender, it's sometimes hard for them to conceive of how you're attracted to both.

    You're definitely not alone in feeling this. I've often felt invisible, or that I'm hiding my sexuality, simply because most people assume everyone is straight until proven otherwise. I don't really have any concrete advice to give other than to not let it get you down and be true to who you are.
     
  10. Us1120

    Us1120 Guest

    U can be whatever u want!
     
  11. blightedsight

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2012
    Messages:
    315
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lydney, Gloucestershire
    I've had more abuse from gay people for my sexuality than from straight people.
    It saddens me no end that alot of gay people hate homophobia but think it is perfectly acceptable to be biphobic.
    As I mentioned in another thread, I even lost a job in a gay bar because I was bisexual.
     
  12. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Quoted for truth.

    Lex
     
  13. confounded88

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2012
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    AZ
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I just never really feel comfortable. I mean I'm only out to four people ( a professor, my straight friend , and my gay friend, and a stranger I met at the store once and have never seen again)...and you guys. I just don't like the judgement, and my family is extremely christian and unfortunately there are some biggots..:icon_sad: I'm pretty sure my parents wouldn't disown me if I told them I was Bi, but they would say it was a choice and that I would go to hell and I would get even more lectures from the good book. It just frustrates me because even if I told them bi my parents would think I was gay, to the point where even if I was in love with a girl and brought her home to meet them they would think I was lying or that she was a ladyboy.:icon_sad::confused::bang::help: