Why can't you be bi? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

confounded88 · 16th Aug 2012, 12:41 AM

So here is the deal. I have not come out but to maybe a few people... its really hard for me to do so...what is expected of me, how should I act. I get a lot of crap from both the gays and the straights. I told my friend I was bi and she asked if I was really just gay and now every time I even mention thinking a girl is hot she rolls her eyes like im lying, and my gay friend expects me to act gay....but I'm not. I feel like in order for me to be who I am and be allowed to be attracted to whoever I just have to be hush and play straight...waiting for an opportunity to come by and play a different role. Is it just me? this sucks, whats with all the expectations?

musikk021 · 16th Aug 2012, 12:49 AM

I think most people just simply don't understand being bi. We live in a very black and white world where everything is either or - this or that.

Also, what's tainted the "bi" label is that many people use it to ease their coming out process. I've heard/read many stories where people tell people they're bi before slowly, over time, coming out as straight-up gay. It's somewhat an easier transition because being bi is like being "half straight" at least. In other people's eyes, there's still the chance that this person could lead a straight lifestyle, so people use the bi label to soften the blow, if you will.

There are also a lot of people who just want to experiment with both sexes and call themselves bi until they get into a straight relationship, and the bi thing turns into a phase or passing label. With this happening a lot, it's harder for people to take bisexuality seriously because they think it may be the case where people are just experimenting.

castle walls · 16th Aug 2012, 01:34 AM

I agree with musikk021. There are a lot of misconceptions about bisexuality. Just off the top of my head there is:

Bisexuals can not be faithful
Bisexuality is not real
Bisexuals are more likely to have STDs
Bisexuals are easily accepted by straight society
Bisexuals must date a person of each gender at the same time to be satisfied

With the friends that I have come out to, I explained to them how my sexuality works. In the beginning, a few of the people I came out to believed that it was a phase. After I explained it all to them, they completely understood

Also, welcome to EC!

Pseudojim · 16th Aug 2012, 05:07 AM

Be confident. It will pass. I got some of the same shit, but people get used to it. Those that don't deserve a laugh.

PurpleCrab · 16th Aug 2012, 05:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pseudojim

Be confident. It will pass. I got some of the same shit, but people get used to it. Those that don't deserve a laugh.

That

There's people who won't believe it until they get used to the idea. Until they you just need to keep being you

BicuriousBoy · 16th Aug 2012, 07:44 AM

Thankfully I never had to go through that with my friends. They accepted me and we were able to joke about it. Like when they'd ask me who my crush was I'd say, 'which one? Guy or girl?' and we'd just laugh.

If they won't accept you then flat out say to them, 'you know what, I'm bi, I like guys and girls, if you can't accept that, then screw you.'

lwp08reh · 16th Aug 2012, 07:51 AM

If I'm being honest I used the bisexual card for a few years from 21 to 24 because it was more convenient than coming out as gay. However my straight friends simply did not buy it and said bisexuality is just a 'smokescreen'. Looking back now I used bisexuality as a tool to soften me up and soften up others to eventually come out as gay. I hold a very black and white attitude on this and I understand what you mean about acting differently for a gay audience and a straight audience. For me being bi was not sustainable as I knew deep down my true preference was guys. Good luck!

Revan · 16th Aug 2012, 08:18 AM

I hate to admit it, but I'm one of those who said "I'm bi" to ease the process...though same time I think at the time I did actually think I still liked girls, and so I think I figured by saying I was bi I could continue to like girls and like guys same time. Eventually I realized I only 'liked girls' in the friendship way and admired their beauty, but was definitely 100% gay.

But I should mention at the time I considered myself bi, I wouldn't say I was using it as a stepping stone, I actually did believe I was, and I do believe it is a real sexuality. This one guy I'm starting to see is bi, is slightly leaning towards men, but still considers himself attracted to some girls so he's like 65% men, 35% women as he described it. So to me, it's a real sexuality and you can be bi if you want to be

Pinstripe · 16th Aug 2012, 08:27 AM

I'm sorry you have to deal with these stereotypes, from your friends, no less. People are just so quick to categorize others, and when they're only attracted to one gender, it's sometimes hard for them to conceive of how you're attracted to both.

Quote:

I feel like in order for me to be who I am and be allowed to be attracted to whoever I just have to be hush and play straight...waiting for an opportunity to come by and play a different role.

You're definitely not alone in feeling this. I've often felt invisible, or that I'm hiding my sexuality, simply because most people assume everyone is straight until proven otherwise. I don't really have any concrete advice to give other than to not let it get you down and be true to who you are.

16th Aug 2012, 08:35 AM

U can be whatever u want!

blightedsight · 16th Aug 2012, 08:41 AM

I've had more abuse from gay people for my sexuality than from straight people.
It saddens me no end that alot of gay people hate homophobia but think it is perfectly acceptable to be biphobic.
As I mentioned in another thread, I even lost a job in a gay bar because I was bisexual.

**Lexington** · 16th Aug 2012, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blightedsight

I've had more abuse from gay people for my sexuality than from straight people.
It saddens me no end that alot of gay people hate homophobia but think it is perfectly acceptable to be biphobic.

Quoted for truth.

Lex

confounded88 · 16th Aug 2012, 12:10 PM

I just never really feel comfortable. I mean I'm only out to four people ( a professor, my straight friend , and my gay friend, and a stranger I met at the store once and have never seen again)...and you guys. I just don't like the judgement, and my family is extremely christian and unfortunately there are some biggots..

I'm pretty sure my parents wouldn't disown me if I told them I was Bi, but they would say it was a choice and that I would go to hell and I would get even more lectures from the good book. It just frustrates me because even if I told them bi my parents would think I was gay, to the point where even if I was in love with a girl and brought her home to meet them they would think I was lying or that she was a ladyboy.

16th Aug 2012, 12:41 AM	#1
confounded88 warrior Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: very few Location: AZ Age: 24 Posts: 22 Join Date: Aug 2012	Why can't you be bi? So here is the deal. I have not come out but to maybe a few people... its really hard for me to do so...what is expected of me, how should I act. I get a lot of crap from both the gays and the straights. I told my friend I was bi and she asked if I was really just gay and now every time I even mention thinking a girl is hot she rolls her eyes like im lying, and my gay friend expects me to act gay....but I'm not. I feel like in order for me to be who I am and be allowed to be attracted to whoever I just have to be hush and play straight...waiting for an opportunity to come by and play a different role. Is it just me? this sucks, whats with all the expectations?

16th Aug 2012, 12:49 AM	#2
musikk021 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Gay Out Status: To one close gay friend & a couple acquaintances Location: California Age: 20 Posts: 520 Join Date: Mar 2012	Re: Why can't you be bi? I think most people just simply don't understand being bi. We live in a very black and white world where everything is either or - this or that. Also, what's tainted the "bi" label is that many people use it to ease their coming out process. I've heard/read many stories where people tell people they're bi before slowly, over time, coming out as straight-up gay. It's somewhat an easier transition because being bi is like being "half straight" at least. In other people's eyes, there's still the chance that this person could lead a straight lifestyle, so people use the bi label to soften the blow, if you will. There are also a lot of people who just want to experiment with both sexes and call themselves bi until they get into a straight relationship, and the bi thing turns into a phase or passing label. With this happening a lot, it's harder for people to take bisexuality seriously because they think it may be the case where people are just experimenting.

16th Aug 2012, 01:34 AM	#3
castle walls EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Pansexual/Bisexual Out Status: Some people Location: Western USA Posts: 690 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: Why can't you be bi? I agree with musikk021. There are a lot of misconceptions about bisexuality. Just off the top of my head there is: Bisexuals can not be faithful Bisexuality is not real Bisexuals are more likely to have STDs Bisexuals are easily accepted by straight society Bisexuals must date a person of each gender at the same time to be satisfied With the friends that I have come out to, I explained to them how my sexuality works. In the beginning, a few of the people I came out to believed that it was a phase. After I explained it all to them, they completely understood Also, welcome to EC!

16th Aug 2012, 05:07 AM	#4
Pseudojim Part robot Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual, mostly heteroromantic Out Status: All but family Location: Australia Age: 28 Posts: 2,973 Join Date: Sep 2009 Tournaments Won: 31	Re: Why can't you be bi? Be confident. It will pass. I got some of the same shit, but people get used to it. Those that don't deserve a laugh.

16th Aug 2012, 07:44 AM	#6
BicuriousBoy EC Addict Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Friends Location: Pennsylvania Age: 16 Posts: 280 Join Date: May 2011	Re: Why can't you be bi? Thankfully I never had to go through that with my friends. They accepted me and we were able to joke about it. Like when they'd ask me who my crush was I'd say, 'which one? Guy or girl?' and we'd just laugh. If they won't accept you then flat out say to them, 'you know what, I'm bi, I like guys and girls, if you can't accept that, then screw you.' __________________ If bisexuality is a sin the I'll be sunbathing in hell cause we are who we are, no one can stop that. And if hell doesn't want me then I'll break sown the gates of Heaven for who I am

16th Aug 2012, 07:51 AM	#7
lwp08reh Member Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Posts: 24 Join Date: Aug 2012	Re: Why can't you be bi? If I'm being honest I used the bisexual card for a few years from 21 to 24 because it was more convenient than coming out as gay. However my straight friends simply did not buy it and said bisexuality is just a 'smokescreen'. Looking back now I used bisexuality as a tool to soften me up and soften up others to eventually come out as gay. I hold a very black and white attitude on this and I understand what you mean about acting differently for a gay audience and a straight audience. For me being bi was not sustainable as I knew deep down my true preference was guys. Good luck!

16th Aug 2012, 08:18 AM	#8
Revan EC Addict Full Member Gender: Dick Orientation: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Windsor, Ontario Age: 25 Posts: 7,611 Join Date: Jun 2005	Re: Why can't you be bi? I hate to admit it, but I'm one of those who said "I'm bi" to ease the process...though same time I think at the time I did actually think I still liked girls, and so I think I figured by saying I was bi I could continue to like girls and like guys same time. Eventually I realized I only 'liked girls' in the friendship way and admired their beauty, but was definitely 100% gay. But I should mention at the time I considered myself bi, I wouldn't say I was using it as a stepping stone, I actually did believe I was, and I do believe it is a real sexuality. This one guy I'm starting to see is bi, is slightly leaning towards men, but still considers himself attracted to some girls so he's like 65% men, 35% women as he described it. So to me, it's a real sexuality and you can be bi if you want to be __________________ "Is there some reason my coffee isn't here? Has she died or something?" - Miranda Priestly. Strength is not defined by physical capacity, but by indomitable will. ~ Mahatma Gandhi Procrastination is like masturbation, in the end you just wind up screwing yourself.

16th Aug 2012, 08:35 AM	#10
Us1120 Guest Posts: n/a Tournaments Won: 15	Re: Why can't you be bi? U can be whatever u want!

16th Aug 2012, 08:41 AM	#11
blightedsight Proper Gayer type Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Omnisexual Location: Leeds Age: 31 Posts: 249 Join Date: Aug 2012	Re: Why can't you be bi? I've had more abuse from gay people for my sexuality than from straight people. It saddens me no end that alot of gay people hate homophobia but think it is perfectly acceptable to be biphobic. As I mentioned in another thread, I even lost a job in a gay bar because I was bisexual. __________________ I'M TINY, I'M TOONY I'M ALL A LITTLE LOONEY.

16th Aug 2012, 12:10 PM	#13
confounded88 warrior Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: very few Location: AZ Age: 24 Posts: 22 Join Date: Aug 2012	Re: Why can't you be bi? I just never really feel comfortable. I mean I'm only out to four people ( a professor, my straight friend , and my gay friend, and a stranger I met at the store once and have never seen again)...and you guys. I just don't like the judgement, and my family is extremely christian and unfortunately there are some biggots.. I'm pretty sure my parents wouldn't disown me if I told them I was Bi, but they would say it was a choice and that I would go to hell and I would get even more lectures from the good book. It just frustrates me because even if I told them bi my parents would think I was gay, to the point where even if I was in love with a girl and brought her home to meet them they would think I was lying or that she was a ladyboy.