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College Help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MirroredLumos, Aug 16, 2012.

  1. MirroredLumos

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    Hello! This is my first post here in empty closets and I could really use some help

    First of all, I'm questioning/most likely gay. I've only come out to my immediate family and some close friends in High School and they are all accepting.

    Next week, I will be heading to college across the country. I will be going somewhere completely new and I know absolutely no one and no one knows me. I've already decided that this is the perfect time to explore my sexuality and to finally come out. I'e been reading other posts about college in this site and one that gave the suggestions to go about your daily life as if you were already out. I think that is the best tip I've read so far but I'm still scared cause by doing so I will be coming out to everyone. Including people back home that have yet to know. Has anyone been through this? If so, what did you do? and how did you begin coming out to people in college and start living your life openly?
     
  2. Totoro

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    First and foremost, Hello! and welcome to EC. I hope you manage to find the community helpful :slight_smile:

    As for your question, If you want to start with gradual steps, then some great options would be a subtle reference on your person that indicates that you're questioning/most likely gay. Maybe a rainbow pin on your bag, a rainbow bracelet, or something of the sort might help. It's there, and out in the open. You don't need to say anything, but it's definitely there, and mostly noticeable. And if you're not entirely comfortable when people ask you about it, you could always mention that you're supporting the community. (Which is always true)
    Aside from that, I feel like the suggestion of going about your daily life is a great one.
    You could also try joining your campus/city LGBT groups/clubs, and see how it's like there. That would definitely be a wonderful way to live your life openly. You might make some great friends in these groups, and they may also help you in your endeavors or support you if you need it.
    That's all I could come up with now. It's a very big step you're taking, so it's all good and natural to be scared.
    Again, welcome to EC :slight_smile:
    Cheers.
     
  3. musikk021

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    Firstly, welcome to EC! :slight_smile: I think you'll find this community to be of great help and support for you!

    Now for your question, I can tell you of my experience. You didn't say where you'll be going to school, but that makes a difference in how this coming out in college will be for you. If you're going somewhere liberal, then very likely, you'll have no problems at all with being gay and out. If you're going somewhere more conservative, then the circumstances are different.

    For me, I go to college an hour away from my home (my school is in San Francisco, so I'm lucky). Like you, I went in with the mindset that this will be a fresh start where no one knows me and where I can now finally be myself. I had high hopes going in, but I'm in my 3rd year now and have found that I've failed miserably at doing what I set myself to do, i.e. coming out.

    My biggest "coming out" was attending our campus's LGBT club meeting during our freshman welcome week. There, I met my best gay guy friend who I'm still great friends with to this day. During my first semester at college, I went to about 4 or 5 more of these club meetings but found it overall very uncomfortable for me: 1) because they always made us stand up, introduce ourselves, and state our orientation at the beginning of every meeting (for example, "Hi, I'm ______, I live in _______, I'm majoring in _______, and I'm gay/lesbian/bi/trans."); 2) because they always had us socialize so much with all these socialization games and such and I have social anxiety; 3) because I wasn't out to my straight group of friends so I was always lying about where I was going or what I was doing when I went to these meetings. Overall, I felt like I was sneaking around having an affair that I couldn't let my friends know about. It was too much stress and discomfort and wasn't worth the hassle of going to these meetings, which made me even more uncomfortable with all the talking and sharing about ourselves.

    That being said, that's only my experience. If you are a social person or at least don't mind talking and meeting new people, go ahead and join your school LGBT club. It's a great way to meet people. Everyone else in my school's club has found good friends by going to the meetings; I was just too chicken to speak to people.

    People at home don't have to know about it if you don't want them to. Just make sure your new gay friends don't go posting things on your Facebook that could out you. That's part of the reason why I didn't want to come out in college. I was scared that somehow, it would get around and get back to my friends from home/high school. Because when you live openly in one place, people who know you as an openly gay person will assume you're openly gay everywhere. Then you can always run the risk of getting outed to someone you didn't want knowing.

    I know that I made a big mistake by being so scared to come out. Nobody, and I mean nobody, at my school has an issue with the LGBT students. Even straight guys hang out with and hug the gay guys. And my straight female friends, who I was deathly afraid of finding me out, eventually made friends with a bunch of out lesbians. Then, I realized that I could've come out and been happier being free. But now it's too late to do so, because I was so scared of coming out that I actually just pushed my friends away to avoid having to tell them.

    I'm sure you're not like me! So, best thing to do is just join the clubs. I know that's a very generic answer, but that really is the place to meet all the gay people at once. Also, with your other friends that you'll make, be honest from the beginning. That way, you won't get into that awkward place where you've been friends with them for so long and you've evaded the topic for so long that you just don't know how to bring it up suddenly. You don't have to say, "I'm gay," but just slip it in casually. And just don't lie if anyone ever asks you directly. That's like the easiest way to come out when someone directly asks you about who you like or who you're attracted to. Just be honest.

    Sorry for the terribly long rant! I hope that's helped somewhat. Let me know if you have any other questions, and I wish you the best of luck in college next week! :grin:
     
  4. MirroredLumos

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    Thanks so much for the help, it truly helped

    I think will just go around my daily life and if anybody asks me, I will not lie. And of course I will start dating and see where my life goes from there.

    Thanks again for the helps and this website ROCKS!
     
  5. BradThePug

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    This is what I did when I went to college. I wore a rainbow bracelet. If people asked I told them. I also went to my college's LGBT group.

    I went to a school that is 2 hours away and the only people at home that found out were the ones I told. I didn't have any problems with my college friends telling my home friends (they did not know them.. so that would be a bit hard.)
     
  6. stumble along

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    I mean I told myself I wasn't going to hide anymore when I go to college this week, as soon as I met my roommate I laid all cards on the the table, including my sexuality. He's totally fine with it. With everyone else I'm going to act like im already out, since I only needed to tell the one person that has to live with me for the whole year, and i figured it would be unfair if he suddenly walked in on me amd another guy kissing.
     
  7. heygurlhey

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    Hey! So yea i think it is great how u are thinking, go about it as if u have nothing to hide, go about it as if u dont need to "come out". Just live your life. Of course, dont go around shouting " im gay!" lol, no need to do that. But i think if u feel comfortable and u meet new close friends, u can definitely tell them :slight_smile:. As far as just other people knowing, no need to tell them, just like straight people dont walk around saying they are straight, no neeed to say anything about sexual orientation unless it is brought up. And in that case, if u feel comfortable around those people then definitely tell them :slight_smile:. Just be strong and be proud of who u are. at school, u can look into attending LGBT things if u want, otherwise id suggest just going to some gay bars on or near campus to meet some other people!. Im sure u will meet other gay people just around campus tho, in classes or at parties :slight_smile:

    i wish u the best of luck in college, i love college it is such a fun time!

    ( a situation im dealing with in college, id appreciate if u could answer mine as well, thanks!)
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/suppo...-embarrased-after-gay-lesbian-experience.html