I am an 18 year old female bodied person. Lately I have been very confused. I just accepted to myself that I am gay but now I'm thinking that I might be trans. At some level I knew I was gay since age 12 but denied it. Things that point to being trans: -while taking a bath me and my cousin would put soap on our face and act like we were shaving but I wouldn't pretend to shave my legs -when I was very young I would pretend to be standing up to pee -in second grade I remember like it was yesterday, I had to fill out a form in school like a test. We had to put down our sex, female or male. I didn't know which to put down. I remember the confusion yet knowing in my head that I should check the female box. That continued till now. I know I'm female so to prove it to myself I would check it as soon as possible -I hated my chest. I would always try to hide them, always wore sports bras. I cryed when I put my first one on. I didn't even know how to put it on -complete disassociation when I got my period. I didn't tell anybody for 2 days -never wore make up. I'd feel stupid in it -My hair was very long and I remember wanting it short so bad Things saying I'm not trans: -I played with dolls a lot, but I also played with cars and toy soldiers -I never minded wearing dresses until around 13 years, although my grandma made me dresses and she told me that I never wore them and hated them -I never felt in the wrong body just never comfortable -I'm quiet with somewhat female mannerism, but am brave and very strong -when I played house I was always the mother, but I remember demanding that I play the mother and that isn't like my character at all Now I wish I could be mistaken for a boy or pass as a boy, yesterday I wanted a penis, I have constant chest dysphoria. I can't stand to see myself where I can see my chest. I cringe inside when I see it. I want to be seen as one of the guys. Age 9 to 12 my only friends were boys, before that it was a mixture, after 12 it was girls but never any close. Now my closest friend is a gay boy. I loved talking to the guys once about NASCAR I was telling them what went on and I loved it I felt like one of them. I see handsome men now and wish I could look like them. I've never connected or understood girls. What do you guys think (sorry its long)
Being a transgender is about not feeling your gender aligns with your biological sex. It doesn't have to do with what you played with as a child or your interests, not even who you hung out with. There are men who enjoy dolls and are 100% straight and in the correct body. If that's the case, and it has been for some time, you are transgender. It doesn't always been you think you are a man on the inside. You may be bigender, agender, or genderqueer. I am an FtM. I didn't figure it out until this year. I didn't mind wearing dresses in the past just because I knew I was female and I thought it was right. After awhile I realized I didn't like it afterall. I hated being called a "she," "lady," girl," "daughter." I wanted to be "he," "young man," "boy," "son." This is one sign that I knew I was, well, different. Feel free to ask me more.
Yeah I can totally relate to what you said about thinking it was right to wear dresses because you were female, and I noticed I don't like being called a girl I want people to see me as a boy You say you didnt figure it out untill this year? How old are you? I worry that I'm too old that I should have known something before
No one can tell you your ideal gender but yourself. However, I will say that most of your reasons for feeling you aren't trans don't really seem to have a lot of ground to them. My experience with MtF trans people is that they have A LOT of stereotypical male interests. Many, (myself included) are video game nerdy guy types. That in no way validates someone's gender identity. What's really important about gender identity is how you would like to view yourself. I know I get jealous of girls all the times. I've always felt jealous of feeling included in "girl's night" out and stuff like that.
I agree with this. Most of your reasons that you don't think you're trans* have to do with gender expression, not identity. Feminine doesn't mean female, nor does masculine equate to male. On the other hand, the reasons for why you feel you may be trans* have more to do with how you view yourself. You feel uncomfortable with your female anatomy, have trouble relating to the label "female", and want to be seen as one of the guys. As for being "too old", you're never too old to realise you're trans*. I was 16 when I started to question, about 18 when I knew, and I've known people who were 50+ when they figured it out. As a child, I didn't show significant signs of being trans*, and to this day, I don't mind wearing a dress or other feminine clothing. I very much enjoy crossdressing in private, and it doesn't make me any less of a man. I also do not necessarily feel like I'm in the wrong body, and I don't hate it, although I dislike that it gets me automatically pegged as a woman to most of society. I'm not here to tell you whether you're trans* or not. No one can tell you what you are; that's something that you will have to figure out yourself, because it has everything to do with how you identify, not any of that superficial stuff like whether you played with dolls when you were 5.
^what everyone else says, lol and for my bit, as electro stated, age has no real place in this. i didn't realize i was until this year, and i'm turning 25 in january.
I also remember, when i was vey young, asking my grandma what she would have done if I was a boy. And I tried on a pair of boys cargo shorts when I was 9 for my cousin and remember absolutely loving them. I wanted to get them for myself, but was afraid to ask
