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Confused, don't know what to tell people if they ask me if I'm gay or bi.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by 4alex6, Aug 16, 2012.

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  1. 4alex6

    4alex6
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    Hi everyone! So just a few days ago marked the one year anniversary since I officially came out to the world on Facebook. Since then I can confidently say that I have had a happier life and that I have not been having to hide who I am anymore when I'm around my friends. The majority of my friends and teachers have been very supportive and helpful and even joke around with me about being gay. However, when I came out, I said that I was bisexual. Now, one year later, I have been realizing that I am more gay than bi, and now when people ask me if I am bi or gay I tell them that I am gay. Some people have asked me why I said I was bi when I came out and not gay. My response to them was always that I wasn't 100% sure which side I was leaning to. But now I have been having mixed feelings about saying that I am gay over bi. Whenever I went to Hershey Park yesterday I had plenty of time to do some people-watching and look around for any hot guys and/or girls (I know it sounds a bit creepy). I realized that I saw just as many hot girls as I did guys, and that got me thinking about my true sexuality some more. Now I feel like I have been lying to people when they ask me if I am gay or bi. But the thing is even though I saw some pretty hot girls, I could never imagine myself getting into a real, intimate relationship with them. I could only imagine myself with the guys. Is it common for gay guys to still think that women can be pretty/sexy/hot but now feel sexually attracted to them? I know this sounds a little bit confusing but right now I am confused. I'm going back to school in a few days and I want to know what I should tell people if they ask me if I'm gay or bi, because if I say that I'm bi, then I feel like my friends will start wondering if I really am gay or bi or if I'm just saying that I am because I want to get more attention.
     
    #1 4alex6, Aug 16, 2012
  2. Lexington

    Lexington
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    "i'm not sure. Either bi or gay. Still working on it."

    Lex
     
    #2 Lexington, Aug 16, 2012
  3. Markio

    Markio
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    Perhaps you could just say that you're "a little more gay than bi." I have one bi guy friend who is in a relationship with a guy but used to be more into girls. He says that even though he is currently finding chiefly men to be attractive, it doesn't change the feelings/relationships he once had for/with women. So he says he's still bi.

    I have another bi girl friend who is dating a girl and usually feels women to be more attractive, although she says it changes over time back and forth between finding men and women more attractive.

    It could be that you're bi but mostly attracted to men right now. Sexuality can be fluid, so the people that you're finding attractive may change over time. You're fifteen, so I wouldn't worry too much about having absolute certainty about your sexuality. It's OK to be uncertain: if your friends think you're trying to get attention or deceive them when you're just trying to be honest about yourself, then they just aren't understanding it very well.
     
    #3 Markio, Aug 16, 2012
  4. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    I'm pretty sure you meant "not feel sexually attracted to them." And yes, it is very common. Almost universal, in fact.

    But when you aren't sure, "I don't know" is allowed.

    Or if you want to have more fun:

    Q: "Are you gay or bi?"
    A: "Yes."
     
    #4 Ianthe, Aug 17, 2012
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