1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Falling apart and not sure I can pick the pieces up again...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Butterthecat23, Aug 16, 2012.

  1. Butterthecat23

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2012
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Plano
    Gender:
    Female
    Okay, so I am straight but not narrow.

    Point is, I'm different sexually in my own unique ways. Problem is, my parents found out, and then they went and talked to our pastor about it, and he has told them that I am basically sinning and that this is wrong and all this other crap that I KNOW isn't true!

    And it gets worse: My mom has declared that I am a sinner, that I am as bad as homosexual people (AND I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST YOU!!! My mom is just a homophoic. story of my life) And has declared that she will not tolerate it and is going to put me in therapy until she gets through to me that I am wrong.

    I am not wrong, I know I am not wrong, she just refuses to listen. :tears: I was very close with my mom at one point but it's clear to me now that she has no intention of knowing all of me. I am about to turn seventeen and work part time (income is always good! :icon_wink ) but am behind a year in school, so I am stuck with her for quite a while. :help:

    I guess my question is this: What can I do now to start preparing for when I turn eighteen so that I can get out of the house, what can I do to get through all she thinks she is going to do UNTIL I can get out of here, and is there anything I can do to try and change her mind? I've tried all the basics, and she still won't listen. Any advice here is really helpful, thanks! :slight_smile:
     
  2. Ventus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2012
    Messages:
    160
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    That's very sad to hear. You really don't deserve to be that type of corrosive atmosphere.

    Your parents should love and cherish you no matter what. It's unfortunate that some people put their religion before family. The fact that you're a minor doesn't make it easy for you to separate yourself from the situation (which is what I would have suggested).

    Seek out friends and let them know about what's going on. Positive support is the most important thing you need right now. If they actually plan on sending you away in attempts to white-wash your sexuality, I would suggest staying true to what you know now and not letting their words and threats get to you.
     
  3. Ianthe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2011
    Messages:
    2,760
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Oregon
    Hi,

    Well, first of all, what exactly do you mean by "sexually different?" It's hard to help you argue to change your mother's mind if we have no idea what the argument is about.

    Anyway, aside from starting to save as much as you can from your job, and maybe looking into careers or opportunities that would include housing for when you are ready to leave, I'm not sure what to tell you about preparing to move out. You need to arrange things so that you will have an income and a place to live. But of course, if possible it would be better to repair the relationship with your parents.
     
  4. Gravity

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2011
    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    256
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    One thing I can't help but wonder is how your parents felt *before* they went and talked to your pastor. Were they just as against the idea as after? Or were they more just scared and surprised? I'm just wondering what their motivations behind sending you to counseling are (and are you talking about regular, licensed counselling, or ex-gay counselling?).

    Since you mention having some sort of conversation with your mom about this, can you describe it more? What are your conversations with your parents like when the subject comes up?

    In terms of what to work on right now, I'd say you're already on the right track - getting a job and saving up money will make it easier to be more self-sufficient once you're able to do so. Ianthe's right about finding careers with housing options though - and also about trying to work on your relationship with your parents, as much as you can anyway, though I realize that might seem daunting, at best, right now.
     
  5. Butterthecat23

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2012
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Plano
    Gender:
    Female
    Well, I have a fetish, and my mom found out in a really awkward way..... so yeah.
     
  6. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It doesn't help us much if you're evasive about what exactly the fetish is, or what happened that caused your mom to find out. In order to understand your mom's concerns, it would really help to know what it is she is concerned about.
     
  7. Butterthecat23

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2012
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Plano
    Gender:
    Female
    Um..... It's kind of embarrassing, but.... Oh well. Not like I have much left to lose.

    Sigh. It is a pee fetish ( :icon_redf ), and she thinks that I am going to ruin any marriage I have and my soul if I keep this up. She found out because.... I found some stuff online and didn't realize I had actually downloaded some stuff to my computer. She went to talk to our pastor at our church and he told her that a person can only make love one way, and that I was being as bad as.... Wait, I'm repeating myself. Anyways.... Yeah.
     
  8. Aldrick

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2012
    Messages:
    2,175
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Virginia
    Okay, now that we know what the fetish is...

    First of all, you're right there is nothing wrong with you. Lots of people have this fetish. You're completely normal - just slightly kinky, but that isn't a bad thing. A preacher is pretty much going to condemn any form of sex that isn't between a man and a woman, in missionary position, for procreative purposes, that lasts longer than 3.5 seconds, and isn't done with the lights off and under the covers. Don't forget the prayers afterward to cleanse your soul, because God forbid you might actually find some enjoyment in those 3.5 seconds.

    These people are sex-suppressed individuals who embrace an ideology of sex shame.

    Second of all, your fetish is called Urolagnia, but it is more commonly known as Watersports or Golden Showers. Like I said, a lot of people have this fetish, it's incredibly common.

    Third, agree to see a therapist but make sure the therapist you go see has a sex-positive world view. You can lie to your mother about what goes on in there, or discuss ways to deal with things with your therapist. Your therapist can also help undo any damage your mother and your pastor have done to you over the years as it relates to sex and your kinky nature - which you should embrace. Being kinky is like being a lucky scoop of chocolate ice cream in a world of plane old vanilla.

    Fourth, you might also want to check out the website of Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross. It's a website primarily for sexual education, run by two wonderful women primarily focused toward other women. They are super awesome feminists, and perhaps great role models for a kinky girl like yourself. They also do weekly YouTube advice videos, a new one is out today called State Your Pleasure; a super important video for everyone to watch - especially a young woman like yourself. I don't agree with them on every topic, but when it comes to female sexuality these are the two ladies that I turn too.

    Fifth, go download Firefox and use it as your browser. Click on "Tools" from the menu bar, and select "Start Private Browsing." Use this while on the internet. You can also turn it on through the use of the hot keys CTRL+SHIFT+P. This will help cover your tracks when surfing the web.

    Sixth, get your mind set toward college. An education is the most important thing for you. You can move out of home and into a dorm. This is a minor bump in the road of the journey that is your life. It'll be behind you before you know it.

    Seventh and finally, if you need to get out of your home sooner rather than later consider a part-time job and living with a number of roommates. This can allow you to continue your education while working part time; though it's cheaper to live on campus if possible. However, you'd have to be at least 18 and have graduated High School.

    I hope this helps you out. I'm sorry about your mother; hopefully she'll get over her personal sexual hangups. (*hug*)