In Desperate Need of Help

While I am afraid I can offer little by way of advice, I went ahead and moved this to Support and Advice, so hopefully you can get some responses.

 

Well, I typically tend to think that things you do when you're drunk or high are what you (secretly or not) want. Your inhibitions are impaired, so you're free to do whatever you want to do for the most part. Well, that's at least what I've figured. It sounds like he kind of likes you, but he isn't sure what to make of it himself. I'd just wait it out and see what happens. Judging from other people's experiences, dating a closeted person is typically a wrecking waiting to happen. He needs to come to terms with his own sexuality before he'd be ready to be in a relationship.

 

It's a complicated situation, to be certain!

The good news is that he isn't running away from you, and is making plans to hang out with you again. If he was really uncomfortable about what had happened, he'd most likely be avoiding you.

It is also good news that you seem to be rather certain about your sexuality, that you aren't doing a whole lot of questioning. You know what you want, and this makes it easier for you to get what you want.

That being said before you go and spill the beans about how you feel, and put your heart on the line I think you should talk to him about what happened. Emphasize that you don't want him to feel awkward about the situation.

Now, you have to understand that if you come out to him there is a possibility that this news could spread to other people. That is always the risk.

However, if you feel this is something you want to approach with Nik, then there are several ways you can start the conversation. You could begin by questioning whether he's ever thought about what it would be like to be with another guy, depending on his answers and reactions you might be able to judge where he is at. If your read on him is that he appears uncomfortable or uncertain, you can admit that you've thought about it. Opening up like that might make him feel more comfortable to talk about it. You could also begin by mentioning that you've sorta had a boyfriend in the past. Either of these lines of questioning will probably lead him to ask whether or not you are gay. You can determine how to answer that question when it comes up.

Obviously, no one can get into the mind of Nik and tell you what he thinks or feels. Is he gay? Is he bisexual? Is he just a straight boy with homoromantic feelings that got taken a little far when under the influence? Only Nik knows, but you're never going to find out those answers unless you ask.

You should also take into consideration how having a potential romantic relationship with Nik will impact your friendship with him. And also what will happen if he rejects the idea of a romantic relationship, but remains friends with you and things are never quite the same. Stuff like that does happen. It can be very awkward.

Now, I do have some additional comments to add.

First, you shouldn't play in the pool after taking a sleeping pill. Seriously, my mind is freaking out at what could have happened to you. Please, in the future, don't take pills and drugs offered by other people that are not prescribed for you. This is for your own safety and well-being.

Second, if things go great with Nik and he turns out to not only be bi or gay, but also wants to have a relationship with you - then awesome! However, this will probably mean that you'll both be interested in experimenting sexually. Just because you're both probably virgins doesn't mean you shouldn't begin practicing safe sex. It's a good idea to make this part of your habit. So, if you have questions in this regard please feel free to ask.

Welcome to EC. (*hug*) Continue posting, as I'm sure you've already seen this is a great community and a good resource.

 

It's unnerving how many people (secretly or not) want to throw up in the alley next to my house.

Lex

 

Well..first of all...the obvious there knucklehead...don't take a prescription sleeping pill whilst you are in a swimming pool. I've taken them while I've been drunk and posted crap on here that I really wish I hadn't...I can't imagine taking them while trying to function in water. Moral of the story: sleeping pills, booze and the internet not a good thing. Sleeping pills and water even worse.

But, I gotta say..are you sure there was not another substance involved? I've taken prescription sleeping medication for over 6 years..and you can't get "high" from it. Sloppy (when combined with booze) yes...but not "high".

Secondly, just pointing out the obvious, it's not "your little secret" if someone else saw you hooking up. You said his brother made a comment, no? Chances are that news is creeping out. I know it doesn't matter to you, however, that fact may bother him..and it could very well have an influence on this situation. But, the only thing I have to base this own is my own meandering experience: last year I hooked up with a "friend" of mine that was the biggest mocho guy you will ever meet. I always knew he had a gay streak..I just knew (as we all do I guess)..because of the way he would always touch me, or the things he would say. The right time and circumstance presented itself (and we were under the influence of alcohol) and, well, you know.

Our relationship was never the same after that. It didn't bother me...but it did him...and I rarely see him now. Im not saying that is going to happen here..but it is certainly a possibility.

Now THAT'S out of the way: on to my other point.

It's obvious by his actions that he digs you at this point...playfully grabbing another dude's ass and their crotch is something that completely straight people don't do. Hooking up with someone of the same sex is certainly something someone completely straight doesn't do.

We know at this point he is at least bi-curious...and to be honest, even he doesn't know if he is completely gay at this point.

My advice to you is don't fall into the trap thinking that you are going to be with him in 20 years..because unless you are one of the .001% that ain't gonna happen. It's a first crush. We've all been there and we all have thought the same thing: "This is the ONE"...and we all have thought the same thing when it ended: "That really friggin sucks, this hurts like hell...I need to find out who else is out there".

You are young, you are just staring out exploring. Enjoy the journey...it's not always going to be a smooth one...but that shouldn't make you hold back...just remember to learn from the bumps in the road you encounter.

---------- Post added 17th Aug 2012 at 11:37 PM ----------

>>>It's unnerving how many people...want to throw up in the alley next to my house

I'm sorry...I shouldn't have had the fish that night.

I'll clean up after myself next time

 

Hi Ununnonium - you've already received some good advice, but I just want to say that you come across as a very well-adjusted, thoughtful and caring boy. You also express yourself, your feelings and your hopes extremely well for someone who is only 13.

And yes, I think having a heart-to-heart with Nik about his feelings, what happened, and how you feel about him, is worthwhile. I wouldn't plan the wedding just yet -) but it looks like you two have a really nice friendship that might blossom into something more.

Good luck!
Maxx

 

I'd ease into it a bit more than that. You both need to definitely talk about it, though. Regardless of whether or not you come out to him, it's important for your friendship to have him know that you're completely cool with what happened. Let him know that he shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed by it. Maybe even joke that you kinda found it hot or something depending on the mood.

I'd play things by ear. I'd try not to start things off too serious, but instead laugh, joke and smile. Don't put pressure on yourself to come out there is no shame in - at the last minute - deciding not to do it.

My general advice is to follow your instincts. Your primary goal, first and foremost, should be to clear the air with Nik, and let him know that what happened was okay. This will, at a minimum, hopefully strengthen your friendship even if you don't decide to go any further.

I think once you're sitting there with him and talking about things, the path forward will become more clear for you. I mean, who knows? Nik may already be planning to come out to you and reveal his feelings for you or something. You don't know. Or he could be really embarrassed and ashamed about what happened, and very concerned about other people finding out. He could be freaking out that his brother saw you both kissing. Again, you don't know.

Be a good friend, support him, make him feel comfortable, make sure he understands that there is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about... and my gut feeling is that you'll know what to do next and everything will work itself out in the end.

 

I definitely think you should come out to him and then let it rest for a while before telling him your feelings. Although he may have an idea, given your makeout session the other day.

The approach you might take, is to come out to him about yourself, and then just say that, because of what happened, you thought he might be questioning, and you just want him to know that he can tell you anything and you'll keep it between you. That way, instead of confronting him in a way that demands an answer, you just give him permission to tell you whatever he wants to.

You could also refer him to EC. We're always ready to help someone who's struggling.

 

Good luck, Ununnonium. I'm sending lots of positive feeling your way. (*hug*)

Let us know how everything turns out.

 

since I'm not really good at coming out to anyone and I for myself never had a boyfriend I can't give you much advice on that.
However, I want to warn you about self medication. Sleep aid isn't that harmless, even worse swimming druged. Please don't do that again.
And for the rest of it I really wish you all the best luck (*hug*)