I almost bought a ring today...

[Robin]

So I was shopping today and I saw this ring. It was just a regular silver ring, but it had a little rainbow square on it and some other stuff that was cool. I knew what the rainbow flag meant, so I seriously considered buying it so that I could wear it after I fully came out. I didn't buy it. I thought that maybe it would be the little hint I would need for other people to see that I was gay. Still, I'm not into showing off the fact that I'm gay, and because of that I came to asking myself why I even thought that buying the ring was a good idea in the first place.

So here's the thing. I realize that because of that ring I really do want people to know that I'm gay. I've been told multiple times though that I don't look like I'm gay and I don't act like it, so I'm a bit concerned. How are other gay men going to know? How will I ever get into a relationship if they don't? I thought that the ring might help with that. It would be the most subtle thing I could do to tell people, I could take it off if I needed to, and yet it would deliver the message.

I also realize that I'm really anxious (possibly too anxious) to get into a relationship at this point. I guess that since I've gone through almost all of my high school years without one, I'm feeling alone. Like, really alone.

So here are the questions.

Do you think it would have been a good idea to buy the ring?

Is a relationship possible at my age without it?

Am I being silly by wanting to be in a relationship so badly?

[ForceAndVerve]

Originally Posted by Robin

Do you think it would have been a good idea to buy the ring?

In my opinion, yes. It will help towards you "projecting" your sexuality.

Originally Posted by Robin

Is a relationship possible at my age without it?

Yes! Why wouldn't it be? :P

Originally Posted by Robin

Am I being silly by wanting to be in a relationship so badly?

No. I'm guessing by your age, your at that point in your life where you're surrounded by people getting into relationships. I remember when I was Uni, one weekend my flat mates all invited their girlfriends around for a party. I was the only one without a "other half". For the first time in my life I felt alone. It was very brief but I remember that feeling. It did'nt last long though, I enjoy being on my own too much!

The point is, its completely understandable to want to be in a relationship with someone, especially if everyone else is in one.

[Robin]

Well, I'm really not into projecting my sexuality too much, but I feel like the ring would make my orientation more known and hopefully get a guy to notice me. (Wow, I sound needy ) I'm just afraid I'd be going over the top. I know my mom wouldn't want me to wear it because she doesn't want me becoming an "activist". She said that herself. Still, I'm really interested in the idea of having just that little something to tell people I'm gay.

So I guess the main problem is that I don't want to make it so obvious that I'm gay that I'm practically rubbing other people's faces in it. I'm afraid that that's what other people will see the ring as; me "showing off". I know that's what I would have thought about other people wearing a ring like that before I knew I was gay. I guess I'm just a bit scared that I'll get the wrong sort of attention for wearing it.

[ForceAndVerve]

Well I gues it depends on the size of the ring and the raindow on it. If it's small enough then I'd say it's subtle. And the beauty of a ring is you can take it off quickly if you think you might be in a situation where it may get you unwanted attention.

But for me personally, I don't think making it physically visible that your gay will make a guy magically appear by your side. If you want to meet other gay guys then why not go to pride events etc? Or maybe join your school's LGBT community (if it has one)? Thats assuming your still in school ofc.

[Robin]

The rainbow was very small. Just a little square on the ring. Many people might not even notice it, but I'd think that the right people might. (Or the wrong people. ) Anyway, I am going to join the gay straight alliance in my school. I just thought the ring might help outside of my town since my town is rather small and there aren't many gay people that I know of in my school.

[ForceAndVerve]

Well then if the rings not too expensive, GO FOR IT!

Also have fun at the gay-straight alliance!

[Robin]

Thanks. Unfortunately I won't be able to get the ring for a while. I'd have to convince my parents and then I'd have to go back to the city I found it at, and then I'd have to make sure it fits, etc. Darn, why didn't I just buy it?

[Chip]

There are lots of online shops that sell gay-themed goods. When I first started coming out, I got this really cool, hand-drawn t-shirt with a whole series of rainbow triangles across the shirt. It sounds incredibly obvious and gay but you had to look pretty carefully to figure out the hand-drawn designs were triangles. So it was perfect for me; the average person wouldn't know, but gay people picked it up in a second.

So maybe you could search out something like that online... or find a ring similar to the one you found.