I have a hard time accepting my sexuality; I'd much rather be straight and I still look at girls. But I've come to my senses with it, somewhat. The thing is, I dated a colleague for I guess 2 and half months now. I really, really like him, and he's also a great friend. But recently he broke up with me because he didn't want that lifestyle for him (a lifestyle we both agreed to keep to ourselves). The thing is, I know that, even though he doesn't want a gay relationship, he still has feelings for me that way. I want to help him accept it so we can both be happy, but I have no idea how. I've thought of telling him that I too wish things were different, but not all is rational, but he's a lot more sensitive about this than I am. And all that "you have to accept yourself for who are" talk won't work...
The big question here, I'd imagine, is how receptive you think he would be to talking about the subject. Since it sounds like the decision to end the relationship was his, and it was based not on how he feels about you but an unwillingness to accept his attraction to men (or specifically to you), this may have to be something he works through himself. If you were to talk to him though, I suppose several suggestions might be made on how you could approach him - what kind of contact are you in with him at this point? Do you see him personally at all? Do you still work together?
At the moment I don't see much of him, and I'm not sure because there's a strike at the university, but we do see each other quite a lot. It's weird, we're like best friends, even after he decided to end (which was much recently). It's really the physical closeness part he's having a hard time accepting. But still, even though we're very good friends sexuality was never really something we talked about. We never really said to each other anything that noted we were a gay couple
I'm so sorry, breaking up is never easy, especially over something neither of you have control over. Self acceptance takes time, I would know because I'm still working on it. I don't think dating is recommended until you've sorted everything out. You have to love yourself first, I mean, how can you expect anyone else to love you if you don't love who you are. You should tell him about EC, being here has really helped me, I'm so glad that I found this website. You've come to the right place, so I'll try to help you out. Is coming out an option for you? What about for him? I'll admit that coming out made me feel so much better. I felt compelled to come out to my family and friends and afterwards I felt relieved. When we're forced to hide who we are, we become ashamed and afraid of judgment. Think about this...we only have this one life to live, so why not live it to the fullest? That question changed my life, I've wasted so many precious moments being sad about being gay and I refuse to be sad about it any longer. He may need some time alone to think about how he really feels. I don't think I'm of much help, just know that you're not alone. The girl I was dating decided she didn't want to date women anymore, I was pretty hurt, but I've moved on.
Nooo, coming out, no. Not at that stage yet. We were pretty comfortable the way we were before. He got scared or wtv when an a**h**e of a friend outed him to some people. And if he were to come out, it would still take several years! So that threw him off balance and made him end the realtionship. So I'm not sure whether it's something he'll shake off with time or if he's scarred for good. One time my parents found my porn. I didn't wanna know about men for a while, but later things got better. My parents still aren't aware of my sexuality tho. That gives me hope for him to someday want me back as something more than friends, but I'm not sure whether I should talk to him about it or not...
Hey I also can't help notice that right now he is thrown off balance. His thought process hasn't yet arrived at how dumping you is hurting you. A relationship is not just about the self by definition, so wait until he has thought this through completely and evaluate whether or not he cares how you feel, then and only then would it be appropriate and non-dramatic to talk to him about it.
Everyone moves to accept their sexuality at different rates. Some people seem to have the ability to do it quickly, and others it may take years - even decades. You can't make someone accept themselves. You can love them and support them, but you can't make them feel or be comfortable with anything. So, the focus should instead shift to you. You have the power to grow to accept and love yourself. If you want to help him, the best thing you can do is grow to accept and love yourself, and then live your life as an example. Bravery is sometimes contagious. Sometimes when one person takes a step forward, it gives other people the courage to do the same. If you aren't ready to accept yourself and live openly, why should he feel any different?
Precisely, am in the very same situation with you,and your story is similar to mine. The advice I was given which I will equally give to you, is to give him some time to come out of his shelf.Yours is easy becos you were already on the flow for some time.Mine was I threw the 'Bomb' last week to kiss which he appeared not to have expected, and didnt know I could feel that way for him.He really respects me so much and would things I want him to do for me.But he appeared shocked that I was in love with him.I honestly thought he felt the same way without necessarily saying it. So If your man really cares for you, you have to take it real slow and gentle. He would come back to you.Lets eventually know what happens later on.cheers
