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how did you know you were gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by iky001, Aug 18, 2012.

  1. iky001

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    Hello everyone,
    I know its a personal question and experiences are not all the same, but i was just curious. Recently I've started to have strong feelings for one of my close girl friends, its kind of bizarre as it spontaneously happened, out of now were.I've always been attracted to guys all my life, never contemplating my sexual orientation. Just wanted some feed back and to see if this could just be a crush or if I am attractive to women.
    cheers.
     
  2. Aria

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    It took a while for it to click with me. And not because it was something I was ashamed of or anything, I think it was just because I was wholly oblivious. I used to crush majory on girls when I was younger, think 11-12, while the thought of relationships with men made me uncomfortable. I don't think there's anything gross with men, but when they hit on me to this day, I get extremely awkward.

    I'd say it really hit me when I was with my first girlfriend when she was going through a rough time, and out of the blue, at 14, I asked if I could kiss her. We had been extremely close friends for about two years by that time. And well, from there we dated for a few years and I began to identify as gay.

    Looking back on it now, it should have been painfully obvious to me if I were to put all my past crushes on paper, but I just never thought of it.
     
  3. RueBea85

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    Well I just came to the realization that I was gay a few months ago, well I came out a couple months ago, but before that I was questioning my sexuality. When I did come out to a friend, who is also gay, she helped me through a lot of my emotions. I realized that I had crushes on teachers, and friends when I was growing up who were female as well.

    I didn't really understand what a lesbian was growing up because my family never talked about LGBT issues, I knew what a lesbian was but I didn't understand the feelings and thoughts. So when I felt great connections to my female friends, I didn't see them as crushes at the time, because I told myself I was straight.
     
  4. NicoleV96

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    I knew I was gay when I realized that I could never picture myself with a guy at all. I didn't know what gay was until I was 10, and once I knew what it was, I wondered if I was. I looked it up, and I did research, and then I began to question myself. At age 11, I started 6th grade, and I remember thinking of a girl as "Really pretty, but more than pretty" or that's how my 11 year old mind put it. It was more than just a girl being pretty, it was more like, I would date her kind of pretty. That brought myself to look and research more, and at that age, I came to do the decision that gay was what described me, but I came out as bi as first, just to be safe, because I was so young, and I just didn't understand yet. After a year, I was 12, and, then, at that time, it became even more obvious to me. So, at 12, I came out as gay, and I was sure of it. It's just, I knew that guys would only work as best friends, and nothing else. I never wanted to have a future with a guy, I didn't even want to date guys. I just found guys cute, but I was not attracted.. girls were different. Girls were the whole package. I remember watching a video, I forgot which one, but that video was the one that made me think about myself and who I was because it was gay person's Q and A video, and I was watching that video at age 12, just because I wanted to make sure. One question was "How do you know when you're gay" which was the perfect question because I wanted to know as well, the answer to that question was "If you think about your future, and you can't picture yourself being with the opposite sex, then you'll know you're gay" and, although that's a very obvious statement, being 12, it made me think about that, to think about who I wanted to be with, and it was never going to be a guy. I liked guys when i was younger because I had to, not because I wanted to. I wanted to just conform and be like everyone else. I didn't know anyone that was gay at that age, so I didn't know it for myself, but I came out at 12, and from then, I knew.
     
  5. AshenAngel

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    It took me a long time to realise, though the feelings have always been there. I went through a bit of a denial phase... At first my thoughts were "its ok, everyone has a same sex crush once or twice in their lives...right?" then, "ok, ok, its not just a crush. I'm probably just bi. yeah, that's it." ..."maybe bi and more into girls...?" And now I've finally started to embrace these feelings, Understand who and what I am. So how did I know I was gay? The first time I tried to picture myself being intimate with a guy, the thought of a penis grossed me out so much. Then I started seeing all the other things I disliked about the male species. Particularly facial hair. Lol... I'm a lesbian. Definitely Lesbian. :lol:

    ---------- Post added 18th Aug 2012 at 03:35 PM ----------

    I had a couple boyfriends, never very serious, but they definitely were key factors in helping me figure myself out. Girls for me! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: My one and only girlfriend is all I'll ever need. (Fuck, that sounded so cheesy...)
     
  6. Meghan1

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    This is me to a T right now...



    Also, can somewhat relate to this... The thought of a penis anywhere near/in me is a very strange concept, and a bit weird...... But I'm still trying to decifer if I am Bi or a Lesbian!!! :bang:
     
  7. dreamcatcher

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    As I was getting older, my fantasies kept shifting more and more to me thinking of girls. When I was younger, I would only get these thoughts every now and then but as I started heading out of puberty and into my late teens, the fantasies about women became stronger. With that I also realized that I would get very turned on when I would see any lesbian scenes. Then one day (totally embarrassing to admit but oh well) I wanted to try masturbating to see what all the fuss was about and I couldn't get off thinking about guys so I decided to think about being with a girl.. and well, it definitely worked lol. Afterwards it all of a sudden hit me that I was gay. Like it was literally an awful gut wrenching epiphany where I just knew without a doubt that I was gay as it explained all the fantasies and thoughts I had as well as explained why I never had a crush on any guys. I definitely tried to deny it as hard as I could after that epiphany moment and tried to rationalize my way out of it, but I couldn't. So yeah, I know the way I figured it out was kind of weird since most people have some kind of same-sex crush but I tend not to crush on people easily anyways so that's kind of how it worked out for me.
     
  8. Rarar

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    Well, I remember finding guys attractive, then I remember coming across a video on YouTube of a gay kiss with John Barrowman. I found it....interesting, and kept looking up similar videos. Then it hit me - this is gay. I kept telling myself that it was normal, and that I'd get over it, and I was actually straight - it's just a phase.

    Then I fell in love with a guy. That was my first clue that I was gay.

    Only recently did I come to terms with it and accept myself. :wink:
     
  9. Salazar

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    I guess I've always just known. But I really couldn't deny it to myself about three years ago when I saw a good looking guy about my age and it turned my head, if you know what I mean :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  10. Pret Allez

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    I realized that I was bisexual in about eighth grade (and of course, I was not out for about two years). I got fascinated with this guy. At first, I rationalized it as jealousy, and I suppose to an extent I was. I felt that he was smarter and more talented than I was at music, writing, and being intellectual generally. But the more I thought about it, I definitely thought, "no, it's not jealousy, you think he's cute, and you want his body."
     
  11. Aria

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    I totally read that in the Miss Congeniality voice.

    You think I'm gooooorgeous. You want to kiiiiiiss me, love me and maaaaaarry me.
     
  12. prism

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    I didn't know I was different when I was younger. I played the same games and wore the same clothing as other girls. In fact, I loved dressing up. I know now that these things don't correlate with sexuality, but I digress. I remember the exact moment when I found out what "gay" meant in 5th grade. I don't remember what I was thinking, or if I thought I could have been gay. I was in Catholic school, and contrary to popular belief, I was not taught that homosexuality was wrong. So when I crushed on a girl in 6th grade, I straight up told her and didn't expect any backlash. That was a mistake.

    While I'm still trying to figure it all out, I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian. I don't think men could every make me feel the way women do.
     
  13. pinklov3ly

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    It was 12/16/05, I remember the day exactly because I was watching my favorite show, South of Nowhere. It was the episode when Ashley and Spencer almost kissed; that anticipation felt amazing, I was never so excited to see two girls kiss. Oh, wait...The O.C. - Marissa and Alex on the beach during Valentine's Day. And Alex and Paige on Degrassi! Anyway, getting off track, I had never felt that way anticipating a kiss between a man and a woman. I can remember having a crush on my teacher, I was actually in love with her. I had crushes on girls during elementary and middle school, but once I found out that you weren't suppose to have feelings for the same sex, I must have repressed any feelings towards women until I turned 17. I couldn't hide anymore, so I came out, initially as bisexual then a lesbian.
     
    #13 pinklov3ly, Aug 18, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2012
  14. As a girl, it has always been acceptable to say "Oh her, she's pretty!" Because with girls it's more accepted to "judge" other girls appearances than it is with boys "judging" boys. I would always say things like, "Oh, he's dating Chrissy? She's pretty. Her sister has nice eyes. Her friend has a good smile."
    I realized that I was gay when there were girls that I didn't want to admit were pretty. Somebody would go, "So, who do you think will get a date to the dance first?" I would think of the girl I had feelings for and, I would want to say something. Then I would kind of panic because I wanted to keep her in my head, all to myself. That's when I realized "Hey, I think I LIKE like this girl."
     
  15. Aria

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    I did not know other people knew about that show. Every time I bring it up, my friends are like 'Whaaa?'

    That show was like my life dramatized and I fell in love with it. I'm glad to see some other fans on here! Had a petty accurate representation of what can go on in a lesbian relationship in school.

    /offtopic
     
  16. pinklov3ly

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    OMG! I'm obsessed, I actually downloaded all the seasons on itunes, but unfortunately my computer crashed on me and I lost everything! :tears:

    I'm upset they canceled the show, but it really opened my eyes :lol:
     
  17. Gleeko0

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    Girls don't make me "work" well, as guys do. Plain simple like that xD. I don't find it gross to be with girls, but its rare, and it usually does nothing for me, so I know I'm very colored by that, I guess...
     
  18. brocub

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    I looked at pornography. Women didn't get me hard so I checked out men. They did. Also stuff about feelings which didn't really come into the picture until I admitted to myself what everything all meant in grade nine.
     
  19. stephenjack

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    My best reponse to your post would be to answer the question that is the title of this thread...how did you know you were gay? For me, i knew at a very young age, in fourth grade. My teacher was leaving for the remainder of the year(3 months) to get married and asked everyone what they imagine theyre future as. Everyone said getting married to somone of the opposite gender and having a house, kids, pets etc. in my head i thought, but i want a husband NOT a wife. I lied when asked and said i wanted a wife becuase i was ashamed at the time. Now looking back i realize you ARE IN FACT born a certain way. Because i didnt choose in fourth grade to be gay. And if you dont recognize your sexual orientation now, it will become clear soon. Its something you wont think about. Youll see a girl in the mall one day and say to yourself " i want to marry her" and it doesnt matter what gender two people are if the love eachother and want to be wed. Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  20. Brenny

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    Honestly? The moment when I first really thought that I liked men... At like 15 I saw a thing on TV about Dieux du Stade and got the biggest hard-on I had ever experienced yet. That was a pretty clear indicator.