So here I am 24yrs old, the youngest of 4 girls...My 3 older sisters have had boyfriends, two are married, and one is with the guy she's going to marry but they refuse to get engaged/married until they are able to afford it financially. While I on the other hand have never been in a relationship with anyone. I isolate myself out of that fear of rejection. I have identified as being bisexual for a few years now, and came out to my best friend... But now I'm questioning AM I BI OR AM I A LESBIAN.... A large part of me believes the only reason I identify as bi is because I come from a pretty religious old fashioned family (with the exception of my mother and sisters) and I fear they will not except me if I identify myself as a Lesbian. I mean we have at least one family friend who is openly gay and they are loving and excepting of her. But, she's not a family member so it's different. I have had crushes on men, but they were alway's fleeting, or on unatainable men (kenny chesney). Where as, I find myself checking out attractive women when they are walking past me... I can picture myself not only being intimate with them, but having an actual relationship and a real future.... When I am around the family friend who is gay I find myself admiring how free she is and how comfortable she is with herself and her life... I find myself wishing their were some easy way to definitively know if I am infact gay, but their are no online quizes or blood tests or x-rays.... I come from such a large family that I'm afraid to even attempt to date someone locally because I don't want to risk bumping into a family member and have my secret be out before I'm ready for it to be... Mainly because like I said I am terrified that my family will disown me, or change how they treat me... I truly think that this uncertainty has been a major factor in my battle with depression and self harm, and I almost feel like for my own sanity I NEED to figure it out as soon as possible, and if I am gay I need to come out to my family.. Otherwise I'm going to be living in denial forever... Ugh..... :bang::tears:
First thing, I doubt your family will disown you or anything like that. They are accepting (even loving by your words) of your family friend. So why would they not be accepting and loving of you? And I think you've answered your own question: You've already mentioned your attraction to other women. What about men? Do you ever find yourself checking men out? Or having any feelings towards them?
I've had crushes on guys, but they've alway's been guys that I know I don't have a shot with (celebrities) It's been years since I legitimitely have had a crush on a guy that I'd even have a slight chance with...
Would you concider coming out to your family as BI? If you have crushes on guys, even IF they are unobtainable, the fact that you still have feelings for them means your not exclusivley into women. And again, let me reiterate, I think your worrying a bit too much about how your family will respond. From what you've told us about the gay family friend, your parents are not homophobic at all. Also, as a side note, have you concidered getting advice from said family friend? She may be able to help you! (*hug*)
I do get crushes on guys, but they're often very short lived where as the crushes I get on women last a looong time.... I don't know that I could come out to my family, obviously if i were to meet a woman and started dating her I would come out because I wouldn't want to hide it... My mom and dad don't really know the family friend... Which sounds weird, but I have a group of cousin's who are all in their 40's and I feel like they're my big sisters and their mother (my aunt) is like another mom to me. The woman is a family friend of THEIRS, so my parent's don't interact w/ her, but their has been frequent speculation that my other cousin is gay and waiting until his kids are in college to come out, and everyone says they don't know why because it's not like we'd love him any less..... Which makes me happy because I feel like this would make them extremely excepting of me.... As for talking w/ the friend, I'm almost afraid to tell her or even talk to her because she's so close to them, and I am afraid she'd let it slip to one of them.....
It certainly sounds like your pretty high up the Kinsey scale. If your parents were completely accepting and loving of you no matter what, would you come out to them as a lesbian? I still think the only reason your even concidering that your BI is because you feel like they will be more acepting of a BI daughter rather than a lesbian daughter.
If I knew they would be completely open and excepting of me I probably would come out to them once I started dating someone..... I think my mother would be ok with it after a while, especially once she realizes that I can still have a family of my own, just need a little help from the science world lol, or adoption.. But, I think my dad would have a hard time, and his parents too... They have very strange views on things... The reason I say I'd come out once i start dating someone is because I haven't really had a validating experience...... But, I should attempt to sort it all out soon, as I have a suspicion the denial and secrecy is a large source of my unhappiness..
Then I guess the only way this is gonna resolve is if you get that "validating experience". Just stay posivitive in the thought that when the time is right, you can come out. And at least your not in denial anymore. Your starting to accept it. And the secrecy part, well at least you've revealed it on here. It's a start.
Unfortunately, sexuality isn't a light switch so you can't just flip on the 'finding out' right away. You have to sorta grow into it. And since you are still in a state of unsureness, I wouldn't worry about coming out unless it's really necessary. One really good thing is to look for LGBT communities around where you live if possible. Those can be great resources for meeting people who you can relate to. Not everyone who is a part of those communities is always out, and you can always speak to them to help you find ways. You also have a lot of people here who you can talk to as well. But I would focus, as Force said, on the positive and not worry about the what-ifs or the possible negative outcomes. Learn about yourself some more, try meeting someone for that 'validating experience' that is safely out of the line of sight of your family. When you feel really lonely, come on here or call up a person you can really trust and just vent. I've been there before, emotionally. I know how it feels, but as they say, it gets better. It just takes a little time and change in thinking.
thank you you guys... I've tried to find support groups through google but I can't find anything in my area :-/ ..... I am gonna keep looking, because then I can meet with people in similar situations and that'll help not only come to terms with it, but make friends and possibly through them meet someone.......
