I am truely terrified right now. I have to go and see my mum this evening and i feel like now is the time to come out. I found out yesterday that i got a promotion at work (yay) and i feel like i could piggyback off this good news and drop the G bomb. I have nothing holding me back, i have a decent paying job, i live away from either of my parents, but im sitting here actually trembling at the thought of telling her. I dont want to lie anymore, but im afraid that im going to chicken out again. Basically, does anyone have any advice on how to approach the subject with her? The only other time ive come out i was incredibly drunk, so this'll be my first sober outing. Coupled with the fact my mum doesnt know i smoke, so i cant have a cigarette to calm my nerves and i feel like a complete wreck.
Take some deep breaths to help you calm down first of all, telling someone while acting like a nervous wrek is never a good way to go. The only advice I can give you comes from others, but thats to be confident, and be prepared to answer some tough questions. Also dont do it in a car, especially if shes driving. Good luck! Keep us updated!
Well congrats on the promotion at work! And if youre feelig confident and able to take on the world go for it! Dont even think about what exactly youre going to say too much, just say it. Its not ALWAYS how you say it, sometimes its just THAT you say it. And say it with confidence knowing who you are and youre happy with it.
I couldn't do it. Everytime i tried to open my mouth to say the words my throat closed up and i felt like bursting into tears. I looked at my mum and saw how happy she was that i had got a promotion, that she was about to go on holiday and i just couldnt ruin the day for her. I was feeling like i had finally gotten to the place i could accept myself, but seeing my mum just brought all the insecurities flooding back. Its as if ive gone 5 steps backwards, like im going to have to rebuild my confidence and acceptance from scratch. Just because i didnt have the balls to tell the truth. I feel like such a fucking failure, i feel like ive let myself down, EC down and my housemates who have both encouraged me to do it, ive let them down too. Sorry guys, i failed :/
You didn't fail. The fact that you are even trying to come out is a large step. Sometimes the process of coming out seems like you are taking two steps forward and one step back. You're just nervous. That's normal. It took me a few tries when I wanted to tell my mom. I'm sure that with time you will be able to tell her.
You didn't fail, you just didn't succeed yet. And I'm not being snide, either - that's really what the situation is. Maybe you could try telling her you smoke first - use it as a kind of test session for getting up the nerves to tell her you're gay. Do you think she'll take the news badly, or are you just nervous to tell her for your own reasons?
She had pretty bad cancer a few years back, it nearly killed her and it completely changed her way of life. She was vocal about her anti-smoking attitude before, but now its more millitant. I feel selfish and ashamed for smoking after my mum went through this massive near death experience, but i really need cigarettes to get through the days atm.
If telling her in person is too much to handle why not try text/email/letter? Doing it this way removes the pressure of being there infront of them and seeing thier immediate reaction. I've read a few stories where people have successfully come out to their family or friends via non face-to-face methods. Also, what makes you think you coming out to your mum would "ruin her day"? She may not go "Oh goodie!" but I doubt it would ruin her day. You are happy with your life right now, she should be happy for you. In all things. Don't give up, and don't let it make you feel like a failure! You don't have to prove anything to anyone! EDIT: Oh and GZ on the job promotion! WTB!
I don't mean to offend anyone who has come out via a letter, but i feel like its too impersonal and not fair on those reading it. It might work for others, but i dont feel its the way for me. No, i need to tell people face to face. Easier said than done though. Its annoying, i feel like shit today that i chickened out again, but now ive got to go to work and put on this happy face and pretend like my life is working out wonderfully. Which, i suppose, it is. This promotion should make me happy, but all i can think about is how miserable i am being gay/closeted. Clearly i need a dose of man up and just get on with it, sorry to bug you all with my moping. I'll try and pull myself together while im at work. ---------- Post added 19th Aug 2012 at 11:30 PM ---------- Cheers ive worked hard for it and i really did need the pay rise. I'm not the most clued up person when it comes to acronyms. What does 'WTB' stand for?
Well then the only thing I can say is, stop thinking like your going to get a negative reaction. Unless your mum has given you reason to suspect she is homophobic in any way, I doubt you being gay would impact her view of you in a negative way. At least, I'm assuming that is what's deterring you from getting the words out. And sorry, that's my gamer language coming out. WTB is "want to buy". IE I wish I could get a promotion. :icon_redf
My mum has had her moments, she doesnt like them "puffs" and "la la lickers". She isnt religious or anything, she just thinks its wrong. Which makes it harder for me to tell her. She has a bisexual friend and she doesnt believe bisexuals exist and that theyre just attention seeking or whores. ---------- Post added 20th Aug 2012 at 03:34 AM ---------- My mum has had her moments, she doesnt like them "puffs" and "la la lickers". She isnt religious or anything, she just thinks its wrong. Which makes it harder for me to tell her. She has a bisexual friend and she doesnt believe bisexuals exist and that theyre just attention seeking or whores.
:roflmao: On a more serious note, I think it's time to wake your mum up then. She seems to have a preconception of what "gays" are like. Your not dependant on her anymore, so what's the worst that can happen? If she can't accept you for you are then it's her loss. I know your mum had a close call with cancer, but you need to stop worrying about upsetting her. Your just as deserving of happyness as she is. And think about it, maybe if you get this out of the way, you can try to start quitting the cigs. Let us know how things go mate!
look, if you felt that that wasn't the right time, then it's good you didn't do it. if you feel uncomfortable about the situation, don't come out. coming out is something that takes time and some people need until their adult life to do it, and that's okay. my suggestion to you is to wait until you feel confident and ready and at that moment of when you're about to tell her, if it seems right. it's never a "now or never" situation...do it when you're comfortable...good luck
I went in that day with the thoughts in my head, im not dependent on her, this is who i am, if she doesnt like it that is her business. But in practice i just couldnt do it. You're right of course, i need to start thinking about my own happiness and not base my life around hers. I'll just have to wait until she gets back off holiday in a couple weeks and try again. Who knew coming out was this bloody hard :/
Hi CTJ Dont beat yourself up just because you didnt manage it this time(it was the fifth time before i managed to come out to dad).Just remember that you want to do this,and you will succeed if you keep at it. As for some of those comments that your mum makes,believe me,they are nothing to what i have heard from my dad in the past.When i finally managed to come out to him,i did have to correct him on saying it was my choice,but once that sank in things went back to normal and we have actually become closer than we have been for many years.He is no longer homophobic,and will soon voice his opinion if he hears it from anyone else. Dont forget that in your mums eyes,all that she knows about "that man at number 17" is that he is gay,she has never talked to him,so why should she like him?Now as for you,she knows alot of things about you already,she already knows you for who you are,although learning that you are gay may come as a shock it will still only be a part of you.Once she sees that you are still you and nothing else has changed about you she will soon accept it. On a side note..I got far more grief for smoking than being gay so if she wont move past the "gay thing" then tell her youve started smoking and see if that puts the "gay thing"down the list of prioritys! ONLY JOKING OF COURSE
