Letter to my best friend... critique? Please

[Theory]

I just moved away from my best friend and (possibly straight? IDK) crush about 2 months ago and I've been feeling so guilty for not telling her so I might email her this...

August 19, 2012
Dear Makenzie,
I almost got up the courage to tell you this morning but I wimped out yet again. Having such a weighted secret is really dragging me down and you really need to know. I don’t know exactly how to tell you. Honestly I don’t know why I’ve kept it this long though, I mean besides the fact that you might freak out you seem like a person who would take this pretty well. But hey, you need to know the whole story rather than just get told the secret. I think it will soften the blow. So… here it is.

So you know the day my mom embarrassed the living bejesus out of me by asking if I could help you guys manage the Cross Country team? Yeah, that may or may not have been the beginning of my dream-like nightmare here. When you and Mattison agreed with her I was kind of excited but I didn’t really know you all that well. You seemed nice enough though. Yes, I know ‘Ha-ha me? Nice?’ But honestly, you make good impressions until you realized I liked you for you J then you became my “pimp.” So I helped manage the CC team. It rocked, duh, since all we did was jack around. It, quite honestly, was what made my first semester of 8th grade. But near the end of the season I realized that something was changing. As we got closer as friends I realized something that felt a little off. It felt a bit like a crush but I brushed it off because that’s not possible… right? I mean I was dating Noah off and on at the time and I’m obviously very female so I assumed I just admired you. I mean you are pretty much everything I wished I could be, tall, pretty, book and street smart, fairly popular, talented. So yeah, I admired you, looked up to you.

We got closer still and became best friends, constantly talking. SO started and we talked even more. I found myself getting drawn to you more, still assuming I found you a role model. It was only when I went to Katie’s birthday party that I realized it wasn’t actually admiration. When Julieann started talking about someone she had a really deep crush on and matched everything to how I felt about you. I didn’t understand how I could feel that way so a few weeks later I talked to Julieann about it. She told me she had suspected that and confirmed everything I knew but didn’t want to. I kind of drew myself away from her and you as much as I could. It didn’t help that you sat behind me in French, which to be honest I loved but for that week it sucked (no offense or anything). Of course I gave up after a while and started to try to let myself realize the feelings and such things. I knew I wasn’t going to act on anything and I still won’t. I swear to GOD I won’t because I know how you feel about those kind of things. Anyways, I started to think about it more often and it kind of freaked me out. So in turn I forced you towards Carter to take my mind off it. From then on until the last… month or two of school I forced myself to block it out. I kind of made sure that you were dating someone or had a crush on someone so I knew that it didn’t matter if I liked you or not. I knew and know you would be nothing more than a friend. I know that won’t change and I’m okay with that. I planned on never telling you this but Whitney and Julieann think that it is your right to know. I hope this doesn’t make you hate me or think that you don’t know me anymore because I’m obviously the same person. I love you like a friend and my crush will go away. I hope we can still be friends for life as we’ve said we would because I honestly can’t imagine my life without you as my best friend. I know we’ve only know each other since 6th grade and only actually talked since almost 7th but it seems like so much longer. Please don’t hate me Schulta. I don’t actually know who I am yet and I don’t think I could make it through a new place and a new me without you.

With love and loose change,
Your whore, (Inside joke there)
Meagen

[BudderMC]

Originally Posted by Theory

I planned on never telling you this but Whitney and Julieann think that it is your right to know.

Wait a second, how is it her right to know your private thoughts? Surely all straight people don't go around spilling their crushes to their crushes. Personally, I think that if you know nothing will come of it and you didn't intend on telling her for whatever personal reasons, there is nothing obligating you to tell her. Do it only if you feel like you want/need to, but not because someone else thinks so.

I generally don't think telling crushes about your feelings is a great idea, especially if you've accepted they won't return your feelings because well... what do you gain by telling them besides potentially making the friendship awkward? To add onto that, you've already moved away. Generally I'd think it's easier by this point to just move past it. But it's your call; if you think it's a good idea, you know your friend better than the rest of us.

Anyways, your letter is well thought out though. If you do go through with it, I wish you good luck.

[end0ftheline]

Damn.. I'm a bi male and I'm in similarish circumstances.. only I told my boy best friend I had a crsh on him..ill upload that story in the requests later if you want to compare notes.but although at first he took it well, a lot of things that used to go unnoticed before will seem like subtle attempts at hooking up w. Your friend..just be ready for it, its human nature. Also..bad mistake on telling her that two other friends know you have a crush on her before she even found out, also it sounds like your professing your love for her just because its so lengthy. Just cut to the chase, the longer it is the more she's gonna think u feel for her, just be upfront but be clear that this can either break you guys forever or make you closer ..I guess just know your intentions. Good luck Im hoeing the best for you in this situation cause I know how bad it feels.

[musikk021]

Personally, I wouldn't suggest telling her. There's really no need and if anything, you may ruin things between you and your friend. If you really want to tell her something you think she should know, I'd say just tell her you're bi. Like BudderMC said, you'll just make things awkward. You're already so far away, so it's not like you can date her anyways.

[Theory]

Thanks to all of you guys, I'm not gonna do it. I realized how stupid it sounded so I'm just not. And my internet decided to crash for a few days before i could say that -_- stupid internet. Like i said thanks, you guys rock for even reading that.