Now if those of you the regular post on my threads are not sick of me by now then you all deserve a friggin medal because god knows am a pain the backside. Anyways... I just... Well... How can I accept me for me or love myself when I see all these things I don't have and think "well yeah, am pretty useless too be quite honest" Good Looks We are all constantly surrounded by good looking by every time I watch a film, TV program or even just walking around I constantly spot good looking guys (regardless of them being straight/gay) and think "Yeah, I'm ugly, why bother trying to convince myself otherwise" Yeah am never gonna have a six pack, a brilliant smile or anything. Don't say "or you can change all that" because I can't. Plus I can't really see a guy saying "Your good looking" "sexy" or any variation on that. Social Skills This is pretty nil on my scale of skills. I don't have any... I don't chat to my parents work colleagues and some of them are not even that far off my own age. They'll say something maybe like "Hi" "That new game/film or whatever is due out soon" and all I do is smiles or nod and that's it. Basically words escape me and nothing comes out my mouth, I just don;t have social skills and it awkward. Personality Do I even have one and if I do... It's crap. Yeah I may seem good online and stuff but that just because am in the my comfort zone I guess. I'm actually actually chatting to someone face to face. Yeah am quiet, often too quiet for me own good, so why would anyone want to be friends with, go out with, have a relationship with a guy who barely speaks. In end the this isn't just it, there's a lot more and I basically just wish I could me someone else because I, me right here, sucks. I try to dress nice but it doesn't hide the fact that am ugly. I try to convince myself that I am things that am really not. Yeah I may have made my peace with the fact that "I am gay" but that's it. Instead of being a straight guy in denial that quiet and everything I've become a gay guy who hates himself and everything about himself. Life's a b****
I've always refrained from responding to your threads because almost everybody else got it right with their responses - go out, do something, you aren't useless, things like that. But my god, Gazza. Good Looks Do you seriously think everybody here is a hottie? Because I for one am not. I'm totally average. Not hot and not ugly. I used to obsess over it - "I'm ugly and gross and my nose is too big and my mouth is too long" but I realized that I'm NOT THAT BAD OFF. Look at yourself in the mirror again and go over everything that isn't ugly (and don't you even dare say there isn't anything). Social Skills I don't understand the issue here. Is it because you want to make friends? Because when I'm not in my comfort zone, I don't say a word to anyone. I can come off as a huge asswipe because I don't respond much to people so I seem totally uninterested in them, but that's because I genuinely don't have anything interesting to say. Is that the problem for you? That you feel like you should respond? Because you don't need to if you can't think of what to say. Personality Your personality is fine. Are you rude, selfish, an awful listener, and manipulative? No? Then you have a fine personality. If you aren't in your comfort zone, that doesn't say much about your personality to begin with. As I mentioned above, when I'm uncomfortable I don't say shit all, but when I'm comfortable I'm a blast to be with (or so I'm often told). There's nothing any of us can do except tell you things like the above, which people have done before. If telling you these things isn't going to help, then you should talk to someone in real life who can help you. Good luck, King x
you spend too much time being a downer. a change in state of mind is much better than any advice anyone can give you, you live too much in fear, change that and the world around you will reward you.
Short answer. I'm pretty weird looking, I'm awkward in most social situations, and the word most often associated with my personality is "vanilla". I still think I kick ass. And lots of other people do, too. I'll write the long answer later if you want it. Lex
Wow. That is exactly how I feel most of the time, so you're definitely not alone. I have myself pretty much convinced that I'm not good looking and nobody will ever like me. In my head I can see that I'm being self destructive and not helping myself any, but I can't make myself believe it, if that makes any sense. You need to start believing in yourself, I'm sure they're are parts of you that are attractive, we are always harder on ourselves than others are, and I'm sure you're a lot better looking than you give yourself credit for. As for social skills I'm sure what to tell you since mine pretty much suck. I'm very shy and introverted so I can come off as stuck up and arrogant, which is not me at all, though I let people believe it for a long time as it mad the, leave me alone. Seem of the advice people have given me is to just put yourself out there and try to talk to people, easier said than done I know, I've been hearing it for a while and still have a lot of trouble doing it, but it's good advice nonetheless. Like King said if you're not in your comfort zone, most likely your personality won't show too much. It seems like you have a good personality, you're not manipulative and controlling, you're fine I know when I'm around people I don't know very well, I pretty much shut down, but when I'm around people I know really well I can be the life of the party, though I'm not comfortable around many people so that doesn't happen too often. If you feel like posting on here and hearing what we have to say isn't helping you get better, you might want to consider seeing a therapist. I forced myself to start seeing one and even though I only started at the end of last month, it does to be helping me some, The feeling that world is against me and crashing down is starting to decrease some. A therapist might help you, and it never hurts to go once, if you don't like it you don't have to go back and you can try another therapist. Just food for thought, I hope I was able to help some.
I used to have a pic but deleted for the very reason that I didn't wanna frighten people with my ugly...ness ---------- Post added 20th Aug 2012 at 04:26 PM ---------- This is me, although I don't have any friends so I only tend to be comfortable and that with family so anyone outside of family then I basically become quiet and everything ---------- Post added 20th Aug 2012 at 04:27 PM ---------- It might be a little of that
Oh, stop. And dont feel bad about making advice topics, we are not sick of you, this is what we are here for. Now, I can understand the people that dont put pictures on here because they dont want their identity known, but dont not put them up because you dont think you're attractive enough. I'm positive that you are not ugly. You are just your own antagonist. Have you seen the media? Fasion, Entertainment? No one, no matter how beautiful we deem them, is immune to being tormented by themselves. We are, indeed, our worst critics. You have to keep this in mind when you see yourself in the mirror. No one looks in the mirror and sees perfection. Sure if we find something we can fix, than we should atleast make a effort to. However, you have to be able to see that you are also beautiful, or it will always weigh on your shoulders. Even if you have to smile every time you walk in from of a mirror than so be it. (*hug*).
this is difficult for me ---------- Post added 20th Aug 2012 at 07:43 PM ---------- and it links to other issues and problems such as "will guy ever think I'm good looking/beautiful or anything else like that"
Well it will be hard for him to see your beautiful(inside or out) if you keep yourself pint up and hidden. Maybe you have a amazing smile or eyes, but no one will be able to see them if you stack depression and insecurites on top of them. No one can decide for us whether we are beautiful. What reason do you have for not liking the way you look? Maybe you want a better body, clearer skin, nicer hair. I'd hate to break it to you, but having these things wont make you feel any better. Nothing will get better if you cant look past the negatives. Excuse my blatancy, but you have to stop throwing yourself a pity party and realize that your features are beautiful because they are on your face. I may sound corny with my inspirations speechs, and it may seem like I just read the backs of self help pamplets with my advice, but there are points to them. I've struggled through intense perfectism for the majority of my life. The wonderful thing about perfectionism is that it traps you. You cant ask for help because the only thing that keeps your sanity is the belief that everyone else knows how much of a model person you are. I love the way I look now. I still lose it sometimes because I will always be a perfectionist. However, I also realize that I cant use that as a excuse, nor do I have the right to hate myself and make my life horrible. If people have a problem with the way you look, than thats not your problem. Your opinion is the only one that matters. No one is ugly unless they allow themselves to be. None of us came tell you how to go about gaining some more confidence, only you can work on that yourself. But it is something that you must do because you dont deserve to cause yourself this much pain.
