Here’s my story, I’m a 25-year-old female and I’ve always thought I was different in some way from other women, but couldn’t put my finger on it. I’ve been in two serious relationships and fell in love with my fiancé completely at university and we have been together for 6 years, since I was 19. I was emotionally and physically attracted to him and we fell in love. When we got engaged last year, something felt wrong. I knew I wasn’t ready for marriage until I figured out what was bothering me, I felt like I needed more life experience to decide, but I didn’t know why. Anyway, three months into our engagement I started dreaming about a close friend. In my dream I was kissing her and I felt the same emotions as I did with a man. For 6 months, she flirted with me like crazy and she told me, when drunk, that she had feelings for me. I carried on flirting, thinking I could handle the feelings because she was a woman, and that it wouldn’t result in hurt. I was wrong! Last Saturday, we all had a lot of wine to drink and I kissed her. She told me to sit on her knee (something I wouldn’t have done if it was a man I was attracted to because I knew it would have led to something bad happening). But with a woman, I was unsure and I let it happen, I kissed her. I was very forward and kept asking her if she fancied me, she denied it. I confessed everything to my fiancé and was distraught. It made me realise how much I loved him and what we had. 2 days on and my heart bleeds, I am so hurt. He told me he didn’t have a problem with it because it was a woman and that if something, he found it extremely hot. I know him thoroughly and he wasn’t hurt at all and I told him I even had feelings for her as well as wanting to kiss her. He said he loves me even more and I love him even more for accepting me for who I am. I also confessed everything to my friend. I told her that I thought she had been flirting with me and that I was very upset. She thought it was funny, which kind of hurt. I feel vulnerable that she knows. I am filled with every type of emotion possible, I feel guilt for keeping it from my fiancé, confusion with accepting myself for who I really am, happiness for discovering something about myself that I didn’t really know, and sadness for losing a secret love affair with a woman. Has anyone else been through something like this? I feel like an extremely selfish individual that doesn’t deserve a wonderful fiancé.
Onn...(*hug*) what a cute story. As I read it, my perceptions are pretty much that you are going through something very deep, very touching, about discovering a part of yourself that was there all along. I understand your boyfriend for finding it hot and for loving you even more, I also understand that woman to be amused; What you have got to realize is that this discovery is about YOU, dear. That's rather normal that it doesn't touch the other concerned people as much as you'd have expected. Therefore, you go at your own rhythm, and your wonderful fiancé will follow it, voicing any limits he may feel that are appropriate in order for your couple to go through this discovery healthily. Since you've been open and honest with him I honestly believe that you are very worthy for him still, and it sounds like that's what he also believes. Maybe give a good thought on why you feel like you did wrong? Like if the situation was reverse, would you have taken it as well as he did? Good communication in a relationship is a main key, you should talk more with him about this
Argh thank you so much for your reply, it makes me feel normal. This is why I love this site. Relationship is key in any relationship Why do you understand the woman to be amused? She said that she did not fancy me in that way but she also hasn't stopped flirting with me and saying things like she does have feelings for me. She told me she was very flattered. I feel anxious but also very happy. Like, yes - this is who I am, I'm sexy and I deserve to be open about my feelings. I think if my boyfriend did this to me I wouldn't be mad, I didn't have a clue that I was bisexual but I'm loving it and it feels like I'm loving myself for once in my life...I am also able to love my boyfriend on a deeper level I think, because I understand myself! Wow a lot does happen between 19-25! But with her laughing at me, didn't like that! Only because I'm not comfortable with it just yet I suppose...
Why do I understand the woman to be amused? Because I could be too, without meaning to be offensive or anything that is. I can put myself in her shoes some because I'm rather the childish type; I like to have fun and play along. I laugh a lot and I hardly take things seriously. I believe that I'm responsible for my own feelings and that other people are responsible for their own. If I was her, I would have indeed giggled at your confession and kept flirting with you. Though now that I type this it sounds rather insensitive... But.. hey... it's not like you're intending to start a relationship with the girl too, so it may be best if you kept things light and fun? If you pull her into your self-discovery struggle it may very well ruin the fun. You can pull your fiancé in though! That's what he's for
haha yes, i get it, it's just embarrassing that she thinks i have feelings for her, which i do, i think she's dead hot and sexy. and i think the issue is that i need to get comfortable with myself being bisexual. you're right about being responsible for your own feelings, need to keep it light and fun otherwise i will end up falling for her big time and LOVING her. I love my fiance deeply though, it's a different kind of love. why can't we all live together in one big community lol...life would be simpler.
Agreed on the community idea It's too bad love brings so much negativity, for once. Love per say is a good thing, as well as there is so many different types of love which shouldn't do harm (in principle) if they overlap.
true story. i'm just a sexy person, and proud. they were all at it in our jungle days, it's human nature and as long as everyone's happy , fiance and i included, it's all good. yeah i do love her and care about her very much, i want to wrap her in cotton wool and kiss her, but i want to do this to my boyfriend too. woah! too much love for one day
I wish if all genders in your story were reversed that a female fiancé Would find the gay side "hot". I'm not in the least criticizing, I'm just bereft at my own sit which is the opposite of yours.
