Hi all I have recently moved back in with my parents because I can't finance an MSc without doing this. What my issue is that I have spent four years living away at university - only coming back on the odd weekend - but in those four years I have been openly gay and I have yet to come out to them. I have tried to tell them over the past few weeks but can't get the words out. I'm finding it quite stressful because I feel that I'm living a lie and I feel a great distance forming between us but we're going away for a couple of weeks soon, I don't want to come out before or during the holiday but at the same time not being out is stressing me out! Not that I let being gay rule my life or have it as a major personality trait, it's just apart of who I am. I know that they'll find the news an non-issue but they are known for inappropriate questions and jumping to conclusions. As I suspect that as soon as the words come out my mouth they'll assume that I inhabit this netherworld of public toilets, leather, gay bars and promiscuity - which couldn't be further from the truth! To give you an other example of inappropriateness my Mum asked a gay cousin of mine 'so, which one of you is the woman? So understandably I'm a bit apprehensive. The other thing is that my support network is now an hour or so away. So if it does go badly I am sort of on my own. So I probably should just man up and say it or should I not say anything? God I wish I told them sooner. Thanks
I'd say you have two ways to go about this. 1. Man up and tell them. Act like it's no big deal. Because it isn't. "I've never actually told you I'm gay, and I'm thinking that might be awkward if it came up during the holidays." 2. Act like you already told them. So if you get a "Wait - you're gay?" from them, you can respond with "Uh, yeah? I thought you knew." But that's more likely to lead to awkward questions at awkward times. Lex
Your mum's inappropriate questions seem almost cute to me, but that's coz she is not my mum. Your saying conflicting things: If it will be a non-issue to them then GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST! You silly billy! And if they jump to conclusions then you are in the perfect place to dispel the myths.
It's normal to have a lot of fear about coming out to your parents, even if you know, intellectually, they'll be accepting. In a situation like this, I think it's best just to get it over with. Tell them in a way that makes sense for you. It's likely that they will have some awkward questions, but it will be okay. Just answer them honestly, or, when appropriate, explain that something is none of their business.
Hi Thanks for your replies. I've decided that I'm just going to have to do it because there is no real reason not to, it's just my expecting the worst even though nothing bad will happen - I'm a worrier. Hopefully tonight there will be a suitable moment, if I haven't done it by tomorrow (Thursday) night I'll wait till after the holiday - as we go away very AM on Saturday.
