Hello my friends, it's been a while, I have been doing really great, life is going in a great direction. I couldnt be happier in all areas of my life, except for one thing... My dad. My relationship with my father would be envied by many on this forum, but that doesn't change the fact that I CANNOT make myself say the words "Dad, Im gay" This is probably due in large part to the fact that I have not actually said the words to anyone verbally, even though my best friend, brother, other friend, and mother all know. Let me explain, My mom was first, and she asked me, so all I had to say was yes. Next came my best friend, I got a surge of courage and told her one day... over Messenger. :eusa_doh: ...typing the words is definitely not the same as speaking them. Next was my brother... whops! should have learned my lesson, but I didnt, I told him, once again, over Messenger :eusa_doh: :eusa_doh: Next came the other friend, who lives far away and I never see anymore, and so I told her over messenger too. (oh god, im such a coward!):eusa_doh: Everyone has taken it really well so far. My best friend and I don't talk as oenly as Id hoped we would yet, but I know she truely supports me and I know that will come in time. So this summer, three years after my mom finding out, I have really decided that its time to tell my dad. The longer he knows that I have been confiding in my mom without telling him, the more it will hurt him. But I have a really hard time talking about this stuff in person ( dont worry, Im totally accepting of myself) So I have to make a decision to do it myself, or let my mom tell him because I cannot stand him not knwing anymore, mostly for my sake; But I feel like im in an "If it aint broken, don't fix it" situation AAAHHH! WHY IS THIS SO HARD!!! He would take it quite well, I think.
So write him a letter and just explain in the letter why you wrote it down rather than saying it out loud? And it's hard because life is hard, and if it isn't, most people make it hard, because basically we're all martyrs at heart. :lol:
i'm actually in the same situation, but with both my parents - my best friend knows, i told her online, my sister knows, but i said it to her as "My door swings the other way" im ready to tell my parents but I just can not get myself to say the words "i'm gay" to them. life frustrating but maybe i should do as my friend says and "rent a pair, and use them"
Well really, it's not that big a pickle when you look at it, i mean there are plenty of other just as personal ways to tell your dad. Like a letter, not a short one like "i'm gay, your son" but something lengthy that anticipates and questions he may have while also putting alot of emotion into it so that it basically sounds like your voice is coming off the paper. Another option is if you or your family have a recording camera/camcorder, just film a 10 minute ape or something and as i said, anticipate most of the questions, leave the tape somewhere you know he'll find it and mark it as "to dad" or something. Or my last idea, if you really feel you must do it in person without saying those two little words, then next time on tv (its a current issue bound to come up) and it deals with homosexuality, weither it's a tv character or a pride rally on the news, if you dad says anything that could give you an oppurtunity to tell him without even mentioning "i'm gay", such as: "Fags." "Dad, that hurts ya' know" "What's it to you?" "I told mom a while ago and know im telling you" (if he's got two brains cells, he'll add up two and two so see what you're talking about... "Why are they bothering us with pushing their marriages upon us?" "They're fighting for my right to marry someone in the future" (again, if you're Dad's a total vegetable then sorry, he won't figure it out without saying "i'm gay" or ""i like other guys" or my personal favorite "im straight as a circle")
Thanks guys, but, not to be mean... Im better than all this, I wasnt really asking for ways around it, just needed to rant. I am not enough of a coward to write him a letter, he hates to read anyway, lol I have to do this my way, the hard way, the way that he deserves. All it will take is enough courage to make myself feel as if I am about to puke, a good opportunity, and his understanding. The "out games" are in full swing, so theres plenty of opportunity... (Even though the word gay is uttered at least once a day on the news anyway, lol) Im sure he will be understanding... Now all I need is that courage, and I know how it seems to instinctively find the "do or die moment" to show itself, and you just have to let it come thanks for all the response, just getting all this down helps me think about it more clearly.
Well good for you, and thats not mean at all. I do the same thing. I always just come here to rant but in the end i always just do it my way, which is usually the hard part i came here to complain about in the first place. Good luck and just try and relax, it'll all go much smoother the more mellow you are about it. It probably sounds like an understatement, but true. You'll be able to think alot clearer about your word choice and better ways to get your feelings out more clearly as well as won't have those annoying words-stuck-on-your-tongue moments. All the best.
Thanks for understanding. When I finally do tell him, and I will,... (Im trying to ease the subject more and more into our conversations so someday he'll be like "gee, you talk an awefull lot about this stuff...") ...it will really make me more assured about telling others, I will have an intact support system of people in the know. I really think this is going to be the year that I blossom into who I want to be. It started last year, but I feel myself changing easily, being who I want to be in all aspects of my life. The more I think about it, the more it happens and the more excited about it I get. I really have it made and I LOVE it! THANKS EC!
