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in a serious relationship need some advice on some things

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by miguel30454, Aug 21, 2012.

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  1. miguel30454

    miguel30454
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    My boyfriend and I have been togetheir for two years and a half and are pretty much in a very serious commmited long term relationship. We both love eachother a lot. Since we started dating, I was still pretty much new to the whole gay experience. Since beggininng i bottomed for my boyfriend always have and still am. I do love it i think it can feel great. But at some point in our relationship i asked him if i could top him. He hesitated and told me how he had ever done it before and that he probably woulnt like it. Because his such a dominant person. But later on he did let me try it and hoestly loved it felt amazing. he told me he let me do it because he loved me. That he wasnt a fan of it. As time went by he still let me try a couple more times. Untill recently we had an argument becaue of some personal struggles i have such as confidence issues, being more open in public with him, being myself more, communication problems, getting nervous a lot and saying things i dont mean. Because of this reason i have hurt him a lot through our relationship because he feels i have not tried 100% to fix my struggles. When we had our argument he told me how he would just love it if i was the only one bottoming. To call myself his bottom. and all this other things. He told me he hates bottoming himself for me. That if it was up to him he would never do it again. But like i said we truly love eachother. The next few days we talked again about ame topic. He said he woul make me a deal if i give him 100% in trying to crack my shell and solve my personal struggles than he would give me 100% in trying to keep bottoing for me because he said that bottoming for me takes a lot out of him and he considers a very important thing to him to give to me. He said he just felt it wasnt unfair for him to be trying so hard on his struggles like bottoming for me. How i kept messing up on my struggles and sometime sholding back on true capabilty. Its just confusing because he says he doesnt like it but would keep tryig for me because he loves me but cant help feel bad and selfish if i did go through that. I mean i do love him with all my heart and would do anything for him. All i would love is for us to get the full sexual experience instead of limiting ourselves. need advice plz
     
    #1 miguel30454, Aug 21, 2012
  2. Gravity

    Gravity
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    Well, I would say first off that for some people, either bottoming or topping can be an exclusive thing that they like to do. If your boyfriend is willing to try bottoming - and keep trying it - then I'd say he's probably more willing to bend than most, or at least some, and I doubt he's getting absolutely nothing out of it (even if it's not his favorite thing to do). But do keep in mind that the idea of a "complete sexual experience" might not necessarily involve switching roles for some people - it's as common for a person to feel like they're getting the "complete experience" when they're only topping or only bottoming as it is for someone to want to try both.

    Personally, though, I would worry more about the other problems that you mention here. You don't say a lot about them, other than that you seem to have the idea that they all come from your end, but that may or may not be true. What has "trying to fix your struggles" meant so far? Do you go to counseling? Do you just put personal effort forward to change your own behavior? Do you talk to friends and/or family about it? It's hard to say what to do without more of an idea of what that situation involves, but in my experience, it's the emotional problems - wherever they may be originating - that are often the real source of conflict.
     
    #2 Gravity, Aug 21, 2012
  3. miguel30454

    miguel30454
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    I kno thats true. I mean i love my boyfriend an i would do anything for him. Even if it meant me just bottoming for him i would. I cant lie that I love both but this guy means world to me and would be willing to do whats best for our relationship. Its true that i should worry about my personal struggles first. I have tried talking with friends trying to get advice and have just tried to change my views on things. I can be a very anti social nervous reserved type of guy with low self esteem. Need to gain confidence in myself i am just not sure how to do that. My bf tells me its all in my head which is true just not sure how to get those negative thoughts out of my head. I had a tough lonely childhood and it affected me a lot as teenager. i am trying to figure out how to solve this emotional problems not sure how.
     
    #3 miguel30454, Aug 21, 2012
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