why am i so emotional....

[hatethiscloset]

Ok so before beginning to rattle on about my many problems, let me just say that I'm not even sure why I'm posting this...Idk what kind of advice ppl could give, i suppose I just need to tell SOMEONE because I have no one else to talk to about this. With that being said, sorry if its really long...
So at this point all of my issues are sort of hard for me to differentiate so I'm just gonna try to explain everything. Last week I had a co-ed sleepover with my one guy friend who I'm majorly crushing on and a bunch of my close girl friends. I tried to have a good time but just couldn't....I'm so overanalyzing, I just always notice how much my friends want to be around HIM. Which isn't completely true, like they talk to me almost as much. But I just feel like he's always the center of attention and i have to try to include myself in most conversations. Also, he's pretty much better than me in just about every way :/ He's smarter, better looking, really talented, and friends with like everyone. I just wish I was that good too. All night my girl friends and the 2 of us were talking about relationships and stuff and they would always tell HIM that in college he would have no trouble getting girls and he could get so many dates. They never once said something like that to me (none of them know I'm gay). I'm just tired of trying to compete with him. I guess that sums up problem #1.
Onto #2: me, this same guy friend, and one of my girl friends were pretty much inseparable all last year. We called ourselves the trio, three amigos, etc. We would go over to each other's houses, do school work together, take each other out for birthdays, all that stuff. and i loved it, its like I finally had a clique that really mattered to me and friends who really cared. This whole summer though, my 2 friends have been on and off liking EACH OTHER. Im noticing now we don't hang out as often and when we do they talk to each other more and I'm just standing around...you would think id be most upset because I have a crush on this guy, but more than anything, Im just upset because if they date the best friendship I will have known will be gone and I will just be a third wheel. Its all just so confusing, I have really strong feelings for him but at the same time I m really mad he's pushing me away (even though its unintentional). Well I guess thats pretty much my dilemmas....feel free to reply with any thoughts.

[Ianthe]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. A situation like that can be really difficult. Have you told your two friends that you are feeling excluded? It might be something they can do something about. If they are getting into a relationship, they will want some time alone together, but they can have that separately, and give you more of their attention when you are all together.

[hatethiscloset]

My problem with that is I think to myself that I am just over analyzing or being paranoid and convince myself that nothing is really wrong....also i feel like if i say something about it they will just deny it and say they aren't even dating. which they aren't....yet. I think if they make it official I will definitely tell them this but until then i guess i just have to deal with them acting like this while they are still single.