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Breaking up and finding a guy...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Tails Luver, Aug 23, 2012.

  1. Tails Luver

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Omaha, NE
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    So, as you can probably all see by my li'l description over there, I'm bi! I'm more attracted to guys, though... and I figure it's about time that I try dating a guy, or at least asking one out, and I figure that this is a perfect time to try since things aren't going as well as I hoped with my girlfriend.

    I might as well explain everything. My girlfriend and I have been going out since prom in April, but we haven't been on as many dates as she would like, and she's not a very demanding person, so she doesn't say anything about it, but I can tell she'd like to. I'm just not feeling what I thought I'd feel with her. My description of that probably wasn't the best, but I tried! So my first problem is... How do I break up with her without breaking her heart?

    Now, as far as finding a guy, I'm completely naive to the ways of flirting, asking out, etc... Basically, I know nothing! There is this one guy, though, that I really, really like, and he's one of my best friends. I haven't told him that I'm bi, but I don't know how I would ask him out if I told him I'm bi, and if I did, I wouldn't want my friendship with him to become awkward if he were to say no, because I don't even know if he's gay, bi, or straight (although I have suspicions that he's gay). So, my second problem is... How do I find out if he's gay or bi, and if he is, how do I ask him out without making things awkward between us if he refuses?

    I'm like still really new to dating in general along with trying to find gay or bi guys. So please, :help:!
     
  2. Delta

    Full Member

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    I personally think you should not be a scumbag, and break up with your girlfriend before you learn how to flirt with other men. You're going to hurt her more the longer you sit on it without saying anything, so just be gentle with her feelings.

    Tell her you want to break up, say why (as in "I'm not getting the kind of thing I want from this relationship, the feelings I was hoping for just aren't coming naturally to me" instead of "your kisses make me feel nothing and you just aren't enough of a man to please me." The 'I' statements hurt a lot less than blame.) And then break up and let her move on to someone who is better for her. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Tails Luver

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    That's what I was planning on doing. I just wanna find a way to let her down gently. You see, I have Asperger's syndrome, and these kind of situations, and a lot of social situations in general, are really awkward for me, so that's why I wanted some advice. I guess the problem is that I'm nervous about hurting her feelings no matter what I say. :icon_sad: I hate hurting people, physically and emotionally, so that's why this is so hard for me. Any more suggestions as to what to say?
     
  4. ForceAndVerve

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    Ye, like kitsune said, you can try the old "It's not you, it's me." Beacuse well...that is technically the truth. And you should also tell her that you are more attracted to guys. Just saying your BI will make her still think that it's something she did wrong. Also, if you want to remain friends with her, and I assume you do, then you may want to tell her that as well.

    With regards to flirting...I'll just tell you what I always say. Keep it subtle early on. Especially if you don't even know the guys/girls sexuality. Smiling at them, maintaining eye contact, laughing at their jokes, being freindly/helpful etc are all small things that you can do to make them like you more.

    With regard to your situation, you don't know the guy's sexuality, so until you've established that, don't do anything silly or hasty. If you want to admit to him that you're bi, then go ahead, but one piece of advice I've learnt from EC is DON'T come out AND ask them out at the same time. Take it slow. If you do come out to him, see how he takes it.

    And unfortunately, unless he gives you clear signals that he fancies you, there's no real way of knowing if he's gay/bi etc unless you ask him.