Hi all, First off, I am a female who is in her later 20's who comes from a very religious Catholic family. My grandparents and mother have even gone to rallies to support straight marriage. That said, I've had my first girl experience (kissing my best friend) when I was in 1st grade. Ever since I was a little girl, I was more of a "tomboy" and enjoyed playing all of what is taught to us by society as "boy" games and toys. However, since I enjoyed more "boy" activities, I didn't get along with girls due to their pettiness, gossip and fakeness. As a result, I was not popular and was often made fun of. In 6th grade, a girl who was pretty was feeling down and to make her feel better, I told her "you're pretty, if I was a boy, I'd date you". For months I was teased and called a lesbian even though I had no idea what that was at the time. I learned to grow up shy, keep quiet, and avoid being outspoken as to not draw attention to myself. As I continued to grow up, I didn't worry about what I wore and wasn't popular until later in High School (catholic school) when I dressed up and had dyed my hair blonde. I was extremely homophobic in high school and even college. I had many short "relationships" in high school with boys and even college. But somehow my Jr. year of college, I felt myself questioning my sexuality. Somehow I came across the L word and was literally hooked and addicted. I became more and more self aware and would secretly be attracted to certain girls. Finally, my senior year of college I had my first girl experience and girlfriend. Due to our separation post college, I struggled with moving back home and not being involved with the gay community at all. Eventually I started dating girls but nothing serious. I was ashamed to be seen in public with very (obviously) gay girls. Long story short, 5+ years later, I am still stuck at home due to the economy and my parents don't know. My sisters have known for 5 years and are very supportive. But I feel as if I can't continue. I'm struggling with trying to figure out if I am bi or a lesbian. I am comfortable with a guy in public, even making out. However, I do not really want to have sex or cuddle with them (hairy, smelly and sweaty ew) but can't see myself ever being comfortable being with a woman forever... fear of society and family's rejection. I'm not sure if my entire messed up past is making this MORE difficult for me or if some people just take forever to process what they are/want. ANY advice or stories to help would be GREATLY appreciated! Thanks so much!
I only just learned these terms myself, but it sounds like you could be heteromantic, but homosexual? Or it's possible that your comfortability with your true self hasn't completely formed yet. It can take quite some time for some people.
You definitely sound gay if not bisexual and since you've moved back home you're unable to be yourself. I don't think it's necessary to come out to them; what if they reject the idea and ask you to move out? I'm not being mean, but this is what my best female friend thinks is going to happen to her if she comes out. And I know her parents, I think they'll be accepting just like your parents will be. It's okay if you're not into public displays of affection; I have to admit that I was nervous to kiss the girl I was dating at the time in public. But, she was hot! And I was thinking like, ”Yep, I get to kiss this beautiful girl, screw whatever everyone is thinking!” I don't know if you have rules living at home, but if you do decide to tell them then no more sleepovers I think you will be fine, grab your sisters and go out to the gay bar, I'm sure you'll find an attractive girl. And if that doesn't work out and you find yourself attracted to a guy, then go for it. You're allowed to be who you are, don't be ashamed of that
Hi, Welcome to Empty Closets! It's okay that you are still struggling. I was about your age when I came out to myself. (Not that I am much older now.) A lot of people don't figure it out right away, and that's okay. I thought I would point one thing out from your post. It seems that your reasons for not liking men have to do with the men ("hairy, smelly and sweaty ew") whereas your reticence for dating women has only to do with what other people think ("fear of society and family's rejection"). To me, that would indicate that you would clearly only date women if it weren't for the way other people would react--do you think that's accurate? Feel free to send me a PM, or contact any staff member, if you'd like to talk to someone privately.
