Facts: I am a lesbian with kids, but I have a semi boyfriend, we're in the process of breaking up. I'm happy to be gay, yet I keep trying to find a reason to hang on. Our kids are fine, I'll explain it to them when the time comes; however, for now, I am the one with the problem :icon_redf I've grown accustomed to this make believe fairytale that I call life. But, this isn't my life and it's starting to hit me all over again. I have no idea why, but I'm jealous of the girls who like/enjoy sex with men and I'm jealous of the girls who have the ability to fall in love with a man. I was born like this, right? Those are traits that we're born with, things we naturally feel for one another, so why do I lack the ability to feel that way? It hurts when he says that he wants a girl who only likes men. I didn't ask to feel this way and I do feel bad because I feel weird when he tries to touch or kiss me. I know attraction cannot be forced and that is what I am trying to do. In all honesty, I'm nowhere near my journal, so this will have to do. I know all of this probably sounds so silly...meh, I'm just venting and it feels great! But, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still holding on, onto what though? I think my semi boyfriend's opinion is starting to affect me. I don't know how I'm suppose to feel anymore, any advice is greatly appreciated as always, thanks
I don't know what exactly to say about your situation but I hope you feel better with yourself. ^. ^'
I don't think you're silly. You're going through a hard time right now. Have you connected to the lesbian community at all--in person, I mean? If not, then the life you have now is the only one you really know. Naturally, you want to hold onto it, you haven't started to build a new life yet. I don't see why he needs a girl that only likes men, but I can understand why he would want a girlfriend who is attracted to him. I actually kind of worry when people are unconcerned that there partners aren't attracted to them and clearly don't enjoy whatever sex they might be having. Just keep things moving in the right direction, and it will all work out.
It doesn't sound silly - in fact it sounds perfectly natural to be having the feelings you're having. It's a tough situation, but it sounds like you're handling it very well - case in point, as sad as I'm sure it is to be in the process of breaking up, from what I've heard in your posts, ultimately it will be for the best for everyone involved. Just keep telling yourself - you are not the one with the problem. In fact, nobody has a problem - you're just different people growing in different directions, and that's okay. And you don't lack the ability to be attracted to men - you *have* the amazing ability to be attracted to another woman who will make you very happy, and whom you will make happy in return. There is nothing missing from you at all. Finally - vent away! Lots of people are here to listen. Again, it's a tough situation, but it sounds to me like you're doing the things you need to be doing.
Thanks for the speedy relies, this is why I enjoy this site so much. I'm not involved with the LGBT community at all even though I would like to be more active. They don't exist in my city and I'm starting to wonder if I should start my own organization. Any outings that are held are outside of my city and are kind of far, but worth the distance...now, only if I can get someone to tag along with me :dry: My family and friends are supportive, but I'm a little embarrassed to show them the side of me that acts like a teenage boy just reaching puberty :lol: I'm like a guy inside, but I don't want to be a guy; I admire the beauty of a woman and I'm not afraid to speak my mind. I just don't want to freak my sister out...I can see her have now :eek: Thanks, for the advice. I think I'm going to the gay club tonight since it's technically the next day. Gosh, I hope I meet someone :eusa_danc
More than anything, try to make gay friends--that will make a huge difference. Relationships are wonderful, but friends are essential. It's so important to have people you can relate to as a lesbian.
