Okay soo whee. Umm hi! So recently I've been wondering about transgenderism/transsexuality a lot. I was born a girl and never really thought about it until a few years ago. However- within the past few months I've really been questioning my gender identity and such. Any advice people can offer would be great because I feel really uncertain and lost about this. Like I get wrapped up in my own head and stop thinking properly. I've tried to talk about it to my best friend(s) but it just felt really awkward and like I couldn't properly explain my feelings. I doesn't really feel right to say I'm transgender but it doesn't really feel right to say I'm a girl either. Uhh- I'm gonna make two bullet point lists. One with reasons why I think I might be transgender and the other with reasons why I'm doubting myself. Please any response you guys could give would be helpful/advice on how to get gender identity therapy without my parents knowing. Supporting Transgender Reasons (Or at least the things that make me question my gender identity) - I really wish I was a boy. If I could go back and choose to be born a male I would. - Physically I hate my hips and my curviness and boobs and stuff - I tried binding my boobs w/ bandages for a few days and really liked it. I stopped because it's bad for my health and stuff but I'd really like to try to get a binder - My favorite pair of jeans is a mens pair and I love them except for they don't fit my hips and it makes me feel horrible about my body - Imagining myself with broader shoulders/no boobs/a dick makes me happy. It's hard to do but yah - I want to be dominant sexually. I don't mean dominant as a female- I mean like having male genitalia - I was in Starbucks with my mom and after we left she told me that the cashier had referred to me as a "him" (I didn't hear her/wasn't paying attention) and the thought made me really happy - When I was little I had way more male friends and female friends. I wish I could have more male friends now. - Incident where I was talking about video games with some guys and was ranting about kill shows/something similar and I used the phrase "suck it!". A guy called me out on it and I just felt really horrible/uncomfortable/ashamed of my gender - Always wear loose shirts and sweatshirts. They make me look small chested but I didn't realize I was doing this so I don't know if it counts ?????? - I love my super short hair. I love it when the hair place uses like a buzz cutter thing, it just makes me really happy. - I think I have an androgynous face but every-time someone tells me my face if feminine I just feel upset - I'm proud when people call me a tomboy Reasons Against Transgenderness (I guess) - Umm so I wear push up bras and stuff and worry about guys finding me attractive. Like sometimes I look at myself and am please w/ the big boobs cause I think boys will like that. Or I just want people to like me and I feel like the best way to be sexually attractive to others is as a girl because there are more straight men and stuff and it's easier. - The attractiveness is a big thing for me. I'll wear dresses and make-up and things because I want people to like how I look. If I think people will find my attractive then I like how I look but if I don't then I get upset at how soft and squishy and icky I am and stuff - When I was little I used to wear dresses all the time and dress up like a princess and I just did a lot of female typical stuff - This is a really recent thing. It didn't start until this summer and I'm about to be a freshman in college so I feel like the timing is really weird... - My mom is really feminist and all about girl power and stuff and that's sort of rubbed off where I feel like I need to prove that girl power stuff (think like buttercup in the powerpuff girls?) - Umm I don't always feel gender confused. Just sometimes and it's pretty recent. But I thought I'd gotten over it but it keeps coming back and I keep wondering about it and sometimes I just want to cry because I'm a girl and it's frustrating (also I feel like that last phrase invalidated a lot of what I'm saying sorry =( ) - I really care waht people think about me and I don't know how go out and buy guys clothes and stuff. It's really intimidating. Also I can be shopping and find women's ware attractive (not on me but I'm like- oh that looks cute and stuff! I'm all obsessed with high heels and these typical girly things but maybe not?) Honestly writing this post was a bit helpful but...ARGH. I'm sorry this is probably really confusing but I don't know how to vocalize it. Sometimes I feel like I might be genderfluid but I don't want to be genderfluid in a female body. I want to be genderfluid in a male body. Just advice or people sharing stuff would be really helpful right now. I'm afraid to experiment with transgenderism because I feel like maybe if I'm wrong people will call me a fraud/liar but I don't know what to do if I can't try it out? I really really want to try it out and such but don't know how. Help or suggestions please!
Sometimes I wish I was born a male than a female, so I would be "socially accepted" & liking women is just natural as a male. But I keep thinking things like "I was meant to be this way for a reason" & I just accepted it. It's not like I hate my body or anything (besides time of the month. Lol.)
I do really worry about people liking me and social acceptance and stuff but I don't have that feeling of "Meant to be this way for a reason" that you are describing. I just want to find out who I am/be comfortable in my own body and I just really dislike feminity and my uterus and everything. Like- even though people can't see my female reproductive organs I hate that they're there. Sort of wish I could just take them out and replace them. But I don't know what that means and everybody says that gender is so much more than your sex...part of why I'm so confused.
hi, reading this made me smile, no! not anything to do with yours just bc I was messaging a friend a lot related thi just before I read. I think it's good you started questioning whatever the problem is. I've heard when someone start wondering it's a sign that there is something to wonder. Problem is we just ignore it. Then it pops again, because it is still there and not dealt with. So it's better the sooner than realizing oh I've lost so much time from my youth (or all). It's normal to feel awkward like you do. I lost (almost) all my personality before that realizing mine four years back, but I never dealt with it just ignored giving whatever reason I could find. so just like yours it came back a few months ago more severely. So it's best that you've started to find an answer. Best strategy I realized is the decision to accept myself calmly, whatever discoveries I would be making in the future about me on anything. It helps me to keep peace within. I cant do anything about how I am now bc I have already been born and no one asked me how I would like to be born before I was lol. Try to find some consolation within. Doing something to concentrate on other than your gender existence,gym, exercises, hobbies,meditation, yoga or anything that would make you feel peaceful for some time may help. Little rest is better than none. My opinion is better not tell anyone who has no idea about transgender until you are sure. I don't see why you want to tell anyway, if you want is just to realize who you are. Besides EC, there are lot of resources in web to find knowledge on transgender. My first try was wiki. Google "transgender forums" ( or something like) a lot of links will appear. I checked date, how posts were made and number of users and code of conduct when trying to find reliable ones. THis^ and all you supporting reasons except one related to video games (I don't get your point in this one) seems to pointing that you are transgender male. Transsexual is someone who want to change there biological gender into the gender(opposite) they like. I think deciding gender identity is individual, you have to analyze and decide based on knowledge you find. If it keep coming back it's OK you have started analyzing it, so just continue. If there is something you should discover it, if not you'll know it. who you are would not be changed on what you find. As you point it as against you being a transgender IDK don't guys cry, do only girls cry an do all girls always cry. My brother cries in some situations I never do. But I never thought he was less his gender, he is cis-male. Well, about your other reasons against, IDK but I've gone through a lot alike in early& pre twenties. From what you've written I guess you like guys. It seems I was not the only one who stuck to " men are attracted to women and Vice versa " . OK, you see there should be gay guys around ( if you haven't seen them yet) believe it or not but they are not going to be attracted to your biological body. so it's a myth. and it's OK to look attractive, why not. Almost everyone try that. Finally this is something I'm realizing these days, even only us who are or think as transgender people, seem to consider about gender, everyone else also have it as an attribute. I don't see why anyone should consider gender as black and white when obvious it's not. It is the society that decided how males should be and females should be. they put rules and dictate everyone to comply with those even someone differs. So we all try to like what we are supposed to be, not how we really are. THis^ and other reasons ( like wanting to be attractive) reminded me of it. If you don't believe in your biological gender you already have broken a rule of society. Why not step out a bit more and analyze it. PS. Reading on Gender Identity and sexual Orientation may help you if you haven't yet. Generally both should exist in one person even lot of us seem to be aware of one of the two. when someone is comfortably having the normal( as to the society) level in one or both of gender identity or sexual orientation s/he is inclined to ignore it as it never exist. Others who don't have ...
Hi, I apologize if this response is somewhat brief and rushed but I have class in 15 minutes =P No one can tell you what your gender identity is. Its something that takes time and self-exploration. However, I will say that after a long (looooooooong) time of trying to figure myself out, I have decided that I am absolutely transsexual. Now, obviously I'm walking the other direction on the same road you seem to be on, but I related to A LOT of the things you said. It was just obviously in reverse. Everyone has birth gender characteristics when you were raised your whole life being treated like that gender. In high school I played football, hockey, and wrestled. I was terrible at all of them, I would have rather been elsewhere most of the time, but there were parts of it I could enjoy. Plus I love video games, etc. That's just a bi-product of being raised and treated like a boy for 22 years. The same could be said for you. I'm not trying to convince you that you are or aren't trans, but I think you owe it to yourself to try to find a counselor or someone to talk to. If you are in college see if you have an LGBT center or free student counseling. My college's have helped me a ton. Best of luck (*hug*)
Well, I think you should look deeper into this. You see, even though inside you might be a guy, your body is of a girl, and thus you have to count in the factor of years society forcing you to gender roles, and obviously also the factor of female hormone present in your body. It will be a difficult process, and sometimes you might find tempted to lie to yourself, trying to validate or deny your doubts, but once you go through it to the end, you will find yourself much more sure of who you are. Also, about how people say gender is more than sex, I believe what they meant is your gender identity, as in who you feel you truly are, independent of your physical sex or sexual orientation. Ask yourself - if there is no one judging you depending on your physical sex, or who you are attracted to, if you can be whatever gender you want, male,female, or somewhere in between, who would you want to be? From what I have read, you seems to be a trans male, and your doubts seems to stem from societal reasons - it seems that you are feeling more conform to a female gender role, but not to your body as a female. Remember, just because you act like a girl, doesn't mean you are one. Heck, for the last 16 years I try to act like a guy, but that doesn't mean anything now when I accept who I am now. I might not be the girliest girl ever, I might be a bit messy, or have an unladylike mannerism, but without a shadow of a doubt, I know I am a female, despite my body being opposite. You might not be the macho, manly man like the way media and society like to portray, but do you feel that, despite everything, only by being a male you can be who you truly are? Wish you find your answer.(*hug*)
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone that commented. It really was helpful and just hearing others opinions and having support and stuff means a lot to me. =)
Everything you have just said is what i was sitting there checking off boxes about a year ago. Even down to your mum being feminist and you have to prove yourself to her and so something totally amazing 'for the girls.' And i too would be really embarrassed to go into a guys only shop and buys clothes. I was using bandages and tape and even though i couldn't use them all the time cause they hurt i still felt so good wearing them. And even though i know i don't like guys i still wanted to look good around them so they'd notice me. After about a year i have started accepting all of those things that i was so ashamed off before. I now do everything to prove to mum guys are just as good as girls. I feel weird in a girls shop and comfortable in a guys one because realistically no one in the shop that is shopping there or works there cares that you are buying guys clothes. Binders are whey more comfortable and more effective than bandages so they make you feel even better. I now know i wanted guys to notice me cause i wanted to be a alhpa male not cause i wanted them to fancy me! Thats just a few things but yeah feel free to post on my wall i'd be happy to talk more about it with you.
