1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Came out in my sleep.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Dummy, Aug 24, 2012.

  1. Dummy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2012
    Messages:
    51
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In a land far away...
    Well these threads are for support and advice so I'm going to go with "advice".
    So I woke up this morning and suddenly realised what I had just saw in my dream. Supposably I was siting just like now in front of the pc (which is in the living room so very public) online on EC. I usualy do that when my mother is sleeping or is not at home while being "inprivate" so that the site doesn't pop up anywhere in history. So as I was siting there my mother came so I tried to close the window but it just wouldn't. First she looked at the screen not realizing what the site was but then after she was looking it for a while (while I was freaking out trying to close the unclosable window) she saw the head tittle "A safe online community for gay,lesbian...". I was freaked out but also relieved. The coming out thing has totaly stuck to my head. I want to tell her so much,but the thing is that I don't think I can. Not because she's not going to accept it but because I don't want her wondering if every single girl I may hang out with may be a lesbian and we could be toghether or anything. What about the girls that may in fact be lesbians but don't want anyone to know about it? If she sees some girl I hang out with which is a bit "butch" she is going to defenatly think she is gay. Which she is but my mother hasn't got anything to do with it.
    We're just siting there talking and I wonder all the time "what if right now I thow it out?". "I'm gay". I do want to but I don't know if it's a good idea. I defenatly am going to tell her (I will have by the time I turn 18 and leave the house) but is it a good idea to do it now? It has just stuck on my head and I don't seem to be able to get it off.
     
  2. jimL

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2011
    Messages:
    606
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oregon, USA
    Your only 16 so you have plenty of time. Do it where it feels right, you'll know when that is. And, hopefully she will be understanding. Good luck with your future.
     
  3. Ianthe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2011
    Messages:
    2,760
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Oregon
    The first few times I came out to people, I was prompted by a dream every time. I tend to do what I think my unconscious is telling me to do. I didn't regret it, any of those times.

    What do you think would happen if you came out?

    Your mom knows that most girls aren't lesbians. And even the ones that are won't necessarily be your girlfriend. If you don't think there will be any kind of bad response, I think you should tell her. Your dream, and the way you feel about it today, indicates to me that you are ready to come out to her.
     
  4. musikk021

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2012
    Messages:
    539
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You are the best judge of your own circumstances. As much as you're hoping that someone on here can tell you a yes or no to "should I come out now?", nobody knows your mom like you do and nobody can decide for you if it's a good time.

    I understand how you feel about wondering what would happen if I suddenly popped it out at certain moments. Almost every time I'm around my mom, I'm thinking, "What if I just said it now?" "What if I do it like an impulsive act and just don't think about it and spit out, I'm gay." I hate the stress that goes along with feeling and thinking like this all the time, so it's understandable why you want to get it off your chest; so do I. But I'd have to say - make sure you really feel comfortable first. Don't rush.

    It's weird - I've actually been having a lot of coming out dreams as well. Counting just last night, that would make it the 3rd time this week I dreamt that I had come out successfully. It felt so good each time! I think it's really weighing on my mind too much. I just wish I could actually do it in real life.
     
  5. Dummy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2012
    Messages:
    51
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In a land far away...
    I don't really know. I think that my mother is going to accept it but I'm not ready for my father to know yet (they live apart). All the people I hang out with know but where I live I can't be totaly out. Well especialy in my age. There is no such thing as a gay community here. I have already been made fun of which at that time hurt my feelings. But I'm sick of hearing things like "how come you don't have a boyfriend?" and "you'll find a man and fall in love and you will see what a beautiful thing it is". At times like these I just want to scream it. "I AM A LESBIAN". My father expects from me to marry a nice guy and have children and give them his name and he can't even think that there is another life for me. Without men. I'm not sure about his reaction. I know he doesn't get along with one of my half-brothers and that is partly because he things he's gay and that bothers him. I don't know if he is but I've heard that when he told my father they had a really big fight about it. (But I'm not sure if that is accurate) On the other hand I think he maybe is going to treat me differently. His son being gay hurts his "manhood" feelings. I don't know about his daughter being a lesbian. He just thinks me of his "little girl" (finaly after 3 boys) and I don't know if he can accept that he'll never have a sweet girly pinky straighty feminy kind of girl. At least one of his kids might like boys...
     
  6. Nocturnal

    Nocturnal Guest

    When you do tell your mom, maybe let her break the ice to your dad.
     
  7. Ianthe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2011
    Messages:
    2,760
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Oregon
    Can you come out to the possibly-gay half-brother? It's good to have allies. Or don't you know him at all?
     
  8. Dummy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2012
    Messages:
    51
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In a land far away...
    I do know him (a bit) but I'm not comfortable coming out to him. He's a littlebit weird. And even if he is gay I don't think he would tell me so.