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My confusing bisexuality and Holiday Romance

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Seagypsy, Aug 25, 2012.

  1. Seagypsy

    Regular Member

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    Until a few years ago, I had thought of myself as 'straight' - because I knew I fancied certain members of the male sex (I'm female, now 34). But I was never the same as other straight girls - I didn't fancy as many guys as they did, and I always liked different types from them - they crushed on all the popular, hetero Hollywood heart-throbs, whilst I was never interested in them!! I crushed on more obscure actors from TV, whom I have now discovered were in fact gay...!!!

    I knew I had feelings for certain women from an early age, but I was so scared I pushed them away. I was also very confused. I certainly seemed to fancy more men than women, so that's what I focussed on. BUT I have never had a boyfriend...!! The closest I came was with a gay guy at uni. Then a few years ago I met a group of Bisexual friends. One girl was very attracted to me, and me to her. But I was so scared and confused that I rejected her advances. However, when I saw I was hurting her, i realised I needed to deal wiith my issues - so I did. This involved having to revisit my childhood crushes and heal the wounds of suppressing them - very painful but worth it!! Sadly the girl now had a boyfriend and was seeing some other girls too.

    Then last week on holiday, I met another girl. It was instant attraction for us both! She started saying flirty things straight away, like 'What's wrong with my naked body?' (In the bar, sitting beside me!!) :icon_bigg and by about the 3rd day she was hugging me and putting her head on my shoulder (during a quiz we were playing). She was with a straight female friend who didn't know that me and her liked each other, so we couldn't make it too obvious!! But when I hugged her and touched her hair and buried my nose in her hair, although it was only for a few seconds, I couldn't sleep well that night, my heart was thumping away and I could feel myself falling for her. I really wanted to kiss her. It was obvious she really liked me too, but it transpired that she had some friends back home, and I think she may be seeing one or more of them (but not seriously). Now she's gone away with them for a week, but has promised me she'll catch up with me when she's back (she only lives about 30 miles from me!) :icon_bigg So it's a VERY tense wait!!!!!! I want to ask her all about the trip and ask her out... I really miss her and wonder what she's doing now... :icon_sad:
     
  2. Lexington

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    Welcome to EC!

    It sounds like you're moving along the path nicely. :slight_smile: This current woman seems nice. Both women you've mentioned, however, appeared to be "seeing other people" at the time...but "people', plural. If somebody had a boyfriend or girlfriend, I'd say protocol dictates that you don't make a move, either sexually or romantically. But if they've got more than one, and everybody seems cool with it, I wouldn't necessarily feel the need to hold back. Now, it might be the current one IS only seeing one, and maybe she IS a serial monogamist. :slight_smile: But since you're not clear, you certainly can make your wishes known.

    Which brings up the next point. Let's say this woman IS interested in seeing you..."but not seriously", to use your terminology. Is that something you'd be comfortable with? Some people don't mind seeing somebody casually, and others aren't interested unless they can be in a monogamous relationship. Do you have any set thoughts on that matter?

    Lex
     
  3. Seagypsy

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    Hi Lex, thanks for the welcome :slight_smile:
    Yes she is a lovely girl. But I wouldn't want to be one of several others to her, and I sense that she likes me more than that, anyway. However, she may not be comfortable enough with her sexuality to begin a really serious relationship with a woman. I want to be special to her, I want to date her and see how it goes, but I'm not sure what about long-term. I could see myself wanting to be with a man one day, but it would have to be a bisexual man. I mainly fancy bisexual men, so if I did meet one who I was able to have a relationship with, I would be honest about seeing her and would hope that maybe me and her could still see each other in a less intense way?? That's the only way I'd want to 'share' her, and only if everyone else involved was happy with it. I know a lot of people in the bisexual community who see both men and women. I wouldn't want to be seeing lots of people, but maybe one special person of each gender could be an option? It is confusing trying to figure out what I want, but I would feel gutted if she just wants me to meet her friends and be one of the 'girls' instead of someone more special...