i'm straight... or at least i think i am. i love guys and everything about them, but at the same time i know i feel a strong attraction towards females. the first time i'd ever had a major girl crush is when i was 14. i had this friend (who is a lesbian) who i talked to a LOT and i had started to notice that i was developing a girl crush. i automatically assumed that i was bisexual and tried coming out to a few people. then, as i got older, i just figured that it was a phase and pushed the whole bisexual idea to the back of my mind. however... recently those feelings have been creeping back up on me. about a month ago i developed another girl crush, a REAL girl crush on this girl at my job (who's a lesbian). i always looked forward to seeing her and found myself wanting to be around her all the time. i was a little sad when i had to transfer stores and couldn't see her anymore. i told my best friend about this and he, without hesitation or surprise told me "Rey, you're bisexual". i told him that's ridiculous because all females develop girl crushes at some point. then i started thinking about how i had these same feelings back when i was 14. lastly (i know this story is super long), earlier this week i was walking to class when this girl caught my eye. she was walking in front of me and i felt something weird. it wasn't like a "wow, she's pretty" type of thing. it was like the type of feeling or attraction i get whenever i see a guy who catches my attention. i stared at her the whole time and all sorts of thoughts were going through my head at once. that's when i had to stop and REALLY think. i've been noticing that over the past... i would say 2 years, i've been very attracted to girls. more specifically lesbians. and more specifically, studs. i don't know what it is. i'm really confused. the things that i'm worried about now are: how am i gonna keep this a secret? my family is very, very religious and that's another thing that stuck out to me. i love God and i definitely identify myself as a Christian woman, but there are a lot of things that i don't and can't agree with when it comes to sexuality. another thing is, who can i trust and who do i tell? should i tell? i've already told 3 friends and they're completely fine with everything. another thing is, what if the day comes and i start a relationship with a female, but it can never develop because i can't tell my family about my feelings? i KNOW this is long but another thing that i worry about is the GLBT community. i know a lot of people in the GLBT community who look at bisexuals as confused, slutty, unstable, etc. and don't even classify bisexuals as part of the gay/ lesbian community. now at 19 years old, i'm still confused and questioning my sexuality because i've never been with a girl. i feel the attraction but i often tell myself that it's just a little girl crush and think nothing else of it. i also know that i'm definitely attracted to guys. i've been "straight" for the longest time and i'm pretty sure my attraction to guys will never fade. i don't know if i'm in denial about liking females or if i really am going through a phase. sorry that this post is so long ya'll! i'm not even gonna proof read this because it's so much to read. but i just had to get it out. i'd appreciate some responses!
my parents are te same way but i figure when the time comes if they dont like it ill say sucks to be you
Well, give yourself time and don't jump to conclusion. Unless you are very, very sure about yourself and feel like you cannot live another day like a "straight" girl anymore, then be patient, wait, and discovering yourself more before settle down for anything. As for the LGBT people that think bisexual isn't a part of the community(even though it is in the name) remind them that, what they are saying is merely stereotypical assumption of bisexuals. It is no different than how straight people assume being gay/lesbian is just a bad lifestyle filled with drugs, booze and orgy. And, as you have neverbeen with a girl, how about trying to give yourself that experience? Safely, of course, and don't do things that you will reget. Maybe having a slumber party with a group of girls, and see how comfortable you are being in very close proximity with others, and maybe sleeping next to them? Do not initiate any kind of inappropiate contact, but say, if you accidentally (again, don't try to conciously do this) touch the other girls, reflect on how it is to you. Another way is, of course, watch lesbian porn. I know it sounds perverted and inappropiate, and might even being offensive to your beliefs, but it is one of the most direct way you can explore your own sexuality by yourself without letting others suspect things. As for how to keep things secret, my first advice is , don't do it. Letting things out will let you feel better, at least for a while. But if the situation really requires it, keep quiet until you can fully support yourself in every way, mostly financially. That way there will be less risks involved. Be prepare for the worst possible outcome once you start a relationship with a woman and tell your family. It is either that or move somewhere very far away and start a new life without your family. The only people you can trust is people who you know very well, and if possible, find a counsellor to talk to, if not find someone who is trustworthy and is not likely in a position to tell your family your secret, intentional or not.
I am Christian too, and so is the lovely girl I have just met and want to be with. If we do get together, seriously, then I would still probably just tell my parents that we are just good friends. I don't see the need to cause upsets or rifts in the family over this. My Dad is very homophobic and her Dad is a priest!!! I can relate to how you feel and I would say you are bisexual, like me, although you maybe have a preference for men. Don't worry
i've been thinking about finding a counselor to talk to at my school. it really sucks having all these feelings and not having any real, unbiased advice and support. i'm also thinking about joining the GLBTQ organization at my school just so i can surround myself around other people my age who are going through or have been through what i'm facing right now. i'm just going to keep observing my actions and feelings during awkward situations to see if anything stands out. i hope i can find an answer soon. being confused and questioning is really exhausting. i appreciate you reading my ridiculously long story and giving me some words of wisdom! ---------- Post added 25th Aug 2012 at 10:40 PM ---------- i hope everything works out for you two! and yeah, i'm just gonna keep quiet until i'm absolutely sure so that things won't be as bad for me if things go wrong. thanks for the support!
