I give up--I just need to rant. I've liked my best friend for the longest time, but it's about time I just give up on being a part of her life anymore. I just found out that as of eight hours ago, she's in a new relationship with some dishrag guy. :tantrum: At the beginning of July, I took her on a trip to Chicago for a day and, as it turned out, the night before she'd broken up with her boyfriend (who supposedly she reeeeeally loved but it was too hard to keep up the relationship), so I got to try and be the distraction from a supposedly awesome guy who I'd already lost to. And all during that trip, some other guy was texting with her back and forth almost the entire time, and she couldn't stop talking about him. every other word. I especially felt two inches tall when he actually succeeded in tempting her with China Town, which I told her I'd promised to go with my other friends the next week and I didn't want to be rude by going without them. We didn't actually go to China Town, I'd already made plans to take her to Navy Pier. But I had a few minutes of freaking and trying to decide (while my best friend waited) whether to cave and go to China Town or to stick with my OWN plan and not let some pushy guy I'd never met before steal my thunder. I eventually won out, but I had to fight a little for it. She's hardly kept in contact with me for months, and now she won't have any time for me at ALL!! :tears: She only responds to texts regularly, but I don't have unlimited minutes. She's never on Facebook when I am, and doesn't reply to my messages there. I even got a Skype account because apparently that's the ONLY thing she uses regularly, but the day she helped me set it up she told me her dog had wrecked her headset and she had to buy a new one. So no Skype yet. Even at the end of school, I hardly even saw her during the day expect when I drove her home. And she's only been to my house twice for a few hours since summer started. She started college the second week of July, too. I can't stand it anymore. Should I just come out and tell her, "it's been fun, but we should say goodbye?" It'll be hard, I've known her for six years, but I don't see what's left for me to do. I feel like I'm constantly waiting for her to come around, but she never does. It especially sucks because she was actually leading me on at the end of senior year and everyone thought we were dating, and I can't blame them, with how she was behaving and not denying the accusations. I apologize, too, a lot of my stress and grief on EC has been about this chick. Thank goodness I'm going to college in a few weeks and can start over fresh! I really need it...thanks, EC, for all your support and advice that you've given me the last few months! Any words of comfort would be appreciated....plus, I'm scared for college! >< Thank you, if you've read this all the way through!
Sounds like she's not worth it. All this give and no get makes Noir a very sad panda. Still, like you said, your going to college which will be a fresh start! I personally don't like calling time on friendships. I prefer to leave things open-ended beacuse you never know what will happen in the future. But if you want to let her know how you feel then that's fine too. And don't apologize, It's what we are all here for. (*hug*) EDIT: Why are you scared for college?
Well, sounds like you already resolve the problem yourself. =p Be strong, as the journey to find the one for you will be bumpy, and this is just the first time you fall. Don't be afraid, however, because as long you still give yourself a chance, you will still able to find that special person. Feel better soon! And about college, I would give you this advice from my experience after just finishing my first year: make a lot of friends. Folks in colleges are generally more educated and open to new things, so you will find out that making friends is actually quite easy. And having friends from later years helps sooo much, especially if they are in the same major as you, since they can tell you what to do when you are lost. Also, tackle each year individually, because if you look at all the work you have to do in all your college year, you would freak out, so divide and conquer! Good luck.
Thank you both very much! I feel much better, and I'm smiling now thinking of what lies ahead! Lol, I have been a very sad panda, and I think it's about time I let myself move on, no? There's so much more to life to be enjoyed with other pandas like me. :lol: I'm scared for college because I've never had a transition this big before--living far away from home with new people and almost none of the old! But that's also what makes it so exciting. Hopefully I can make some new friends who will actually support me and cherish me how I'd like. My family doesn't do too great a job of it, and I've spent so much effort trying to keep this friendship alive that I let all my other ones deteriorate. When push came to shove, no one was willing to take the baton. But that's what college is for! I'm actually very good at making friends and getting along with people, when she's not there to distract me. I'll try my best and continue my journey, as corny as it sounds. :rolle: Thank you EC both very much for listening! I'm putting my care in your hands this upcoming trial!
HEHE I'm glad your feeling optimistic about the future. And trust me, the change of environment is just what you needed. When I moved to go to university it was like a new lease of life and I made friends for life there! Let us know how your ventures go! :icon_wink
Thank you so much! Now for the hard part--what should I do when I see her for the last time this weekend before I move...?:icon_sad: How should I act, and what should I say (if anything)? :help:
I'd just be friendly and act casual? If that's possible. Maybe let her know that you would like to keep in touch and remain friends?
The thing is, although I don't wanna pick at all our old wounds and start a fight, I'd like some kind of closure. I'm not so sure I want to stay in contact with her, but I'd probably be sad to completely end the friendship. I did think of making her a CD of songs to express our years together, regardless, and maybe adding a note or something just telling her to remember to let those who are dear to her know that she thinks of them. I just don't think it's fair of her to get away with treating her best friend like this, like a second thought to everything and everyone, but still trying to act like she cares about my well-being when it's convenient for her.
I really think you need to focus on the bold bits. It seems your not entirely sure how you want to continue your relationship with this girl, if at all. Once you figure out what you want, I'm sure you'll be able to tell her what needs to be said. And the CD sounds like a really nice idea.
I think you need to think seriously about whether your expectations of this friendship are fair or reasonable. You clearly have romantic feelings for her, and she just sees you as a friend. To me, this seems to be the main problem. The fact that you have feelings isn't really her fault. And it's not abnormal for friends to not see each other as much once they start college. I think you really need to recognize that she's not mistreating you here--you've become romantically attached to her, and that's why you are so upset about her boyfriends and about the perfectly normal distance between you. But that is your responsibility, not hers. She's at college now. This separation is normal, even for best friends. I'm sorry. It's because of your romantic attachment to her that you think you need to "break up." To end the relationship so you can move on. But you are not in a romantic relationship with her, and you never were, so breaking up is not appropriate.
I'm not saying you're wrong or trying to rebuke your view on the matter--this thread does make it seem exactly as you said. However, since the people on EC don't see the whole thing of the matter, there are crucial details that I'd like to point out in my defense. While I do have a complex about our friendship and have often wanted to be a little more than friends, I also respect the friendship as such. Of course I miss her when she's dating someone else and I might not like it, but after four years there's been a pattern developed where even as a friend I've been getting neglected more and more. I understand that there are other people in her life besides me, but by the end of high school I was always getting the short end of the stick. I wouldn't see her for months outside of school but I would find out she would have time to go on double dates or hang out with her guy friends. She wasn't very supportive, and she would just leave me alone if she caught on that I was troubled about something or feeling down. It was like she just gave up on putting any effort into the friendship, just dropped the ball completely. She would also run me around in circles; at first she tried to spend more time with me by setting up a certain day of the week to come over and hang out at my house, which she loved and was a time for her to relax. I didn't realize at first, she would just ask, "can I come over this week?," and after several weeks at the beginning of junior year I realized it was a pattern, so I started to expect it. By the end of senior year, of course we both got busier, but she would give me no warning and tell me at the end of school on the designated day that she couldn't make it. She did that for several weeks, and the last few months I pretty much just asked her, "I'm guessing you can't come over today?" and she would confirm. It wasn't the typical "lesbian is in love with her best friend" scenario, either, it was complicated on both accounts. I still can't tell what kind of feelings I have for her, and she eventually told me that she was bi-curious. Our friendship became very complicated and strained, but also closer interchangeably. People started growing curious and suspicious of us, and friends started asking me more and more if we were dating. Even one of my teachers referred to her as my girlfriend. Whenever someone confronted us about it when we were together, she wouldn't even try to correct them or deny their claims (I was worried because she used to be very nervous people would think that about us), so I had to tell them we weren't like that and that she had a boyfriend. It wasn't even me that started all of this--she started initiating all this touchy-feely behavior that threw me and everyone else for a loop. I don't want to "break up," but I want some kind of transition that makes it clear that she can't give me what I need out of a "best" friendship. I just want her as a friend who's willing to support me if I need help and who lets me know that I'm still appreciated, neither of which she has shown she can do. I just feel like I'm a second-thought to everything and that I'm not needed anymore. I just miss having a best friend.:icon_sad:
I disagree with Ianthe. If you're on planned a trip with a friend then you don't abandon them with some last minute shenanigans with a guy. It took Noir some effort to persuade her friend not to go see the guy too. Thats just rude.
Ugh, I feel like a complete idiot for worrying so much. I start thinking about things too much and then get all depressed and serious. It's not even my problem, that she dumped a really great guy for an iffy guy and won't keep in contact with her friends. And now I'm all anxious thinking about how I'm gonna get through her last visit on Sunday, even though I know I can still cancel. I feel so stupid, I don't know what to do with myself. :tears:
Well it looks like I won't have to bug EC about her anymore (thank goodness)--she was supposed to come today, but after I texted her around when she would normally come, I found out her parents are dragging her to a baby shower. Good thing I texted her asking, or I might not have known!:dry: And yes, she's far old enough that her parents don't have to take her everywhere with them, yet they do and she doesn't stick up for herself. So that takes care of that--I'll see her around Christmas, maybe. No apology, no suggestion of a different day after I move in, and no "I'll miss you, too." She gave me encouragement for starting off at college, but no suggestion of a next time. I told her I'd mail her the pictures she'd been coming to pick up originally anyway. Thank you, EC, for putting up with me and my silly bantering. I appreciate all the support I've gotten over the past year!
Good to know you've gotten over her (so to speak)! Some people just arnt worth borthing with if they can't even be bothered to give you the time of day. Have fun in college!!! :eusa_danc PS: Anytime (*hug*) that's what we are all here for!
