Just shut up!

I can kinda relate. My mom and I butt heads all the time, which almost always leads into an argument. Usually we butt heads because I have an opinion that's different to hers, and honestly it's usually better (if it's related to solving a problem or something). Probably doesn't help that we're both really stubborn.

For me, if I'm arguing with someone I want to "win", or at least have my point heard and then validly shut down. With her, I'm starting to realize that I will never "win", if nothing else beyond the fact that she's my mother and won't let it happen. In fact, she usually just refuses to listen to what I have to say and then blames me for us arguing.

The only thing that's moderately been working for me lately is saying what I have to say (nicely/non-aggressively), having her disagree, and then dropping my point. It lets me actually say something which makes me happy and lets her "win" which keeps her happy. Though this isn't exactly an ideal solution.

It's frustrating; I feel for you. :/

 

Can I just say, though, I remember when I was 16 and having arguments with my parents, and, well, now I cringe at the thought of them because, even though I didn't realise it at the time, I actually was a bit of a know-it-all arrogant S.O.B.

Now, does this mean you are? No, BUT, well, very few people are so self-aware at any age, that they are unbiased in their own assessment of their behaviour.

It's fantastic to form your own opinions and it's also fantastic to stand up for them, but, well, maybe if your mum is telling you this, while it's likely part of the problem is that she still views you as her child, thus she knows better, she might also have a bit of a point. I mean you're at the stage in your maturation when you don't necessarily view your parents as the providers of safety, nourishment and knowledge, but, instead, as the people you must now break away from and do this yourself.
This is going to cause problems because, well, at 16(and a few years older and younger), most people want to be nothing like their parents and, well, because of that, there will be conflict.

 

I have the same exact problem with my mother! It's not too uncommon, but it's till frustrating!! I would say you've gotta think of your priorities first--it's definitely not wrong to stand up for yourself or your views, even if someone else doesn't agree. And remember, anyone, even your family, isn't you. However, I try my very best to be rational and win with logic (something my mother doesn't always grasp) instead of just shooting my mouth off to defend myself like some of my friends do just because. I don't like to be called arrogant or any other such names, so I just try to state my point if she gives me a chance. Hopefully, once you're a little older you'll have a better idea of how to handle your family without getting shot down. Good luck!

 

It's absolutely natural

Just try to remember, generally speaking, even if they get it wrong, a parents motivation is your well being.
You don't have to agree with them, but their actions come from a place of love - however misguided.

 

I can tell you, it doesn't get better as you get older. Sorry to disappoint.

I was having a discussion with my mother last week (it wasn't about anything political - on that we find we're in very close agreement on many things). It was over how to handle a family matter involving my sister. My mother didn't like my suggestion, which pretty much boiled down to: "It's her problem. She's a grown woman. Take your nose out of her business and let her figure it out; if you get involved it's only going to piss her off."

She didn't like that at all.

She started to accuse me of "always wanting to be right." My response was pretty much: "I wouldn't hold the opinion if I didn't think it was right. The only reason you're getting so angry is because you know I'm right, and instead of wanting an honest opinion you were only looking for someone to agree with you."

The conversation pretty much went south from there, with her becoming rather immature. "Yeah. Uh-huh. You're right." Was pretty much every response to anything I had to say after that point. :lol:

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it. It's her problem, not yours. It's not your job to make other people agree with you, because it's not something you can do. You can only be honest about what you think and feel, and if other people don't accept it - that's their problem. If she considers that arrogance, then that's her problem, not yours. :icon_wink

If I was holding a opinion on something and someone were to basically come back at me with, "You're just being arrogant." My response would likely be, "If holding an opinion makes me arrogant, then I guess I'm arrogant." I'd then disengage with them if there was nothing further left to say, and wouldn't think twice about it. Like I said; it's their problem.

 

I will say though, as much as you can try and avoid arguing. I've been there, done that since I was your age... partly because of the growing-up thing and partly because of other circumstances. Point is, it's definitely impacted our relationship, so don't let that happen to you. It's taken me 4 years to realize that my relationship with her is/was/should have been more important than being right, and to an extent the damage is already done; it's a little late for that revelation.

 

Hmmm, I don't think you can claim that in a generalisation sort of way.
Yes, that might be the case for you, but plenty of people manage to develop into people that can have mature, healthy discussions with their parents and their parents treat them as adults.

 

Yeah, I do the same with my mum. I have pretty conservatives views as far as the economy, trade unionsand general politics are concerned, and my mum has decided that it's because I'm immature, and that maybe one day I'll grow out of it >.< I tend to ignore her, because otherwise I would end up doing something stupid

Even more irritatingly, she criticises my driving as 'aggressive and obnoxious'. I call it good driving. I'm just looking forward to moving out in a year!

 

That's true. I haven't really met any yet, but I'm sure they exist.

^ See, I can admit when I'm wrong.

 

The best relationship I ever had with my parents was when I moved to London. I found that for the first time, they actively sought my advice and listened to my opinions.

 

May be she was bit too scared you would have a baby too soon, you are still her child in her eyes and Don't worry! she'll get it over when you come out (don't know if you have already, pardon me for my ignorance)

BTW it's only "arrogance" right, I've been awarded so many nicknames and so many honors, now I don't even know the difference of one from another lol. I'm Sure we all get used to it some day, hope so.

I also think as BudderMC said it's better keep away from useless arguing. No ones going to gain from them. Some people just can't accept anything other than victory ( I'm saying this in general, no concern with your mother), specially when they think they are superior to the other. If it happens somehow it could caue severe suffering in them and one way or another a child will never be completely won or satisfied.