in love with my neighbour

Hi everybody,

I'm a 30 yr old man and I'm in love with my upstairs neighbour. I've been living here for about two years and noticed he's a very shy guy ( he's 32). He barely said hi when we bumped into each other. He has one best friend, a 52 yr old lady living in the appartment building as well. They spend most of their weekends and holidays together. Just going for a drink or watching tv together. They don't have a relationship.
They're both single and live alone.
That 52 yr old is a very easy going person. Great to talk to. A couple of weeks I was talking to her in the hallway and he came up to us and talked. For the first time we really had a talk, a great talk, we seemed to have so many things in common. Nothing reminded me of the shy guy I had known for about two years. It was a great feeling. In a way I've always been attracted to him, but that conversation really made me fall in love with him.

Afterwards I decided not to rush into things. I enjoyed our long chat for many hours and thought: is he gay or bisexual? Hard to tell. In those two years there havent been any girls visiting him. His best friend confirmed that.
Right after that conversation, his best friend asked me to go and have a drink and we spent hours talking to each other. Not about him, just life in general.

I started to measure things: He could be gay because he's a very clean person, cooking every day, doesnt seem to really look for women, he's a vegetarian ( not that all veggies are gay, but when you add up a couple of things, it could be something that's rather gay), at work he prefers going to the ladies' room because women are cleaner.
His company offered him a free car, doesnt have to pay anything but it was to colorful to him and he doesnt wanna park that car in our street because people will think he's gay. He seems to be so ashamed about it.

On the other hand: he plays soccer, likes playstation games, watching sports ( like soccer)

After a couple of good chats I told his best friend that I'm in love with him. At first she laughed her ass off. She never ever thought that I could be gay. I asked her: what do you know about his sexual preference? She says: I think straight, but I'm not sure, over the last 10 yrs, I've only seen him with one girl and it hasnt lasted long.
When we go out to places where he could meet awesome girls, I ask him to dress up but he just keeps on his sneakers and jeans because he doesn't seem to care.
Eventually she said: man, you got a point, his lifestyle is weird and even though he is her best friend, she realized that she didnt know that much about him. He's definitely an introvert.

After our long chat me and that guy had a couple of briefer chats and it felt like we liked each other.
BUT:

right after I admitted to his best friend that I was in love with him, I noticed that he blocked me on facebook ( we werent even friends yet, but I couldnt look him up anymore and my mom and some friends could still find him)
I told his friend: what did you tell him? It's very unlikely that he doesnt know anything about my feelings and she kept saying: I havent told him anything, I promise! She seemed to be very sincere. I also told her that my mom could still look him up and the next day my mom was blocked too.
After two days, I was deblocked. She still promised me that she told nothing at all.

I decided to ignore it for a few days. Today I was talking to his friend and he bumped into us. We got into small talking, but he wasnt really talking to me. He avoided eye contact and was nervous. When I left, he didnt say "see ya", just nothing. I'm still in love, really in love. And it's hard to ignore as we live in the same appartment.

His best friend says: I still don't know anything about his preference and we are going to take this step by step. No need to rush.

The most logical thing would be that she told him about my feelings, he was disgusted, blocked me, then deblocked me because he knew I knew about it.
But if it's a big fat NO, then why would his friend say: there's hope, we'll take it step by step and it could be okay. She's not promising anything, but she clearly wants to give it a go. If she'd know that it's a NO, then why would she fool both me and her friend?
I could always go talking to him but after today's encounter, I think it's not the right time. She says: he's a shy and introvert guy, don't bother. But I do feel a difference.

I could use some good advice?

 

Thank you so much for your kind replies. It really means a lot to me.

To elaborate on that "step by step"-thing: first his friend wants to find out if he's bi or gay. She thinks it's necessary to take the next step. She thinks that if I would knock at his door and start talking about it, he will go insane.

You mentioned the facebook block means that he's not interested, but he deblocked me and why would his friend keep hope alive if he's not interested?

This weekend she took the first step, asking something like: you're ashamed of your car, but on the other hand you go to the ladies' room. He said something: yeah, I'm a clean person and I'm not the only man doing it. The men's room is dirty....He didnt say that at first, he just said: I go to the ladies' room because it's cleaner. Now he's starting to defend himself.
She said: that's a bit gay, isn't it? and he got aggrevated when hearing that word.

His friend told me to relax, she'll try to find out new things over the next days.

 

Thanks for your comment.

It was a confidence matter and she might have broken it in some way ( the facebook story) but she knew about my feelings, so would she really have told the whole story and keep up that he doesnt know anything about it? Maybe she said something ( part of the story) and they looked me up on facebook together ( she doesnt have an account) . I mean facebook is not real life. Could be many reasons. I understand you're trying to be realistich without giving me false hope but as long as I don't have an answer that says: I don't want you, then why should she puts in all the efforts to help me?
Whenever I see her, she says: what should be the next step? What should I ask him now to find out who he really is. Of course you can't ask him: are you gay? When people ask me that question I also tend to say no. especially when I was still in the closet. Even my best friends would have gotten a "no" from me.

You're right: she says she doesnt know about his preference, BUT why would she help me trying to find out to get me closer to him?
She probably said something to him, but if he'd know the whole story, she wouldnt play this kinda game unless she's a crazy psycho.

Last week I asked her about his parents. She said something like: they're divorced and his father lives in Sweden but she didnt tell me any details although afterwards she asked me not to tell him that I knew it. I could feel there was a whole story to it and that he didnt get along with his mom, but she didn't tell the details ( although I could feel she knew more) That could imply what kind of person she is: She gives a hint but doesn't elaborate on it.

Of course if I keep my feet on the ground, I say: He knows everything about it and ignores me as much as he can because he doesnt want to be seen as a gay person. But something tells me there's more to this story.

 

you're so right, but "timing" is crucial I think

 

Just saw him from a distance and I was so terrified.

 

hey tom,

thanks for your comment. First, he's a health freak and never drinks alcohol. Before I confessed that I was in love with him, I already had a drink with him. I wanted to ask him out and he said: fine, let's see if our other neighbour ( his friend) wants to join us.

But now he's scared of me. I saw him in the hallway and it was as if he had seen a ghost, barely said "hi".

Tomorrow I'm having a drink with his friend, mostly to discuss other stuff, but maybe you could recommend me what the "do's" and the "don't" are.
She's been trying to find out who he really is by asking him many questions but in the end it turned out that she couldnt figure out what's going on inside his head.

 

in a way it is hilarious and yes, his behaviour is very weird. That woman is pretty beautiful for her age ( really taking care of her looks) and she likes the attention of younger men ( and has been dating some) but she's never been in love with him and vice versa.

But even though it's a weird situation, it also makes it harder to approach him.

Last yr he accidentally used my bike while I was gardening ( our bikes look alike) He felt so guilty having done that and he came at my door but his friend was with him because he didn't dare to do this on his own. I opened the door and she said: this boy needs to tell you something.

Not that it has anything to do with this situation, but it might describe what kinda person he is and it could be a help in how to approach it.
I opened

 

I'm going to have a drink with her tonight, he will be visiting his family, so maybe a next time. I hope I'll be well prepared by then. What are the do's and the don'ts?

 

okay, we had a drink tonight ( with the 3 of us) and he acted very normally, looked me in the eye, we talked about life, shallow stuff, didn't have the feeling that there was any tension.
I just noticed that he was so masculin tonight as opposed to the last couple of times I talked to him. Mostly he talked about cars, women, tuning,....
Whenever a chick came in he said stuff like: too skinny or she can definitely have me.

When we got back to our appartments he said see ya. It was a very normal night.

The thing is: he really seems to like boyish stuff, really! But on the other hand there are also many aspects that guys don't normally do. In a way I feel relieved that there's no tension between us, but on the other hand everything about him was so straight tonight.

 

by the end of the night his friend started talking about a drag queen she knows and then she asked me: what's your feminine side? and I said: all boys have a feminine side. He had to go home because he needed to go and watch soccer ( very manly) so we couldnt really elaborate on it. but next time we can do that for sure.
But I do notice he sincerely likes girls, even called a friend to tell him how many amazing chicks he spotted. I was wondering: do bisexual men generally have a well developped manly and feminine side ( he likes watching soaps for instance)