I have been out for almost 2 years. I'm 20 now, so I can out when I had just turned 18. I came out to my friends and family and they were are really supportive and all that. I went through some pretty bad depression and stuff before coming out, and I realized that coming out didn't exactly make my life easier. It actually made things worse for me. I really started to have a trouble with myself. I didn't feel like I could trust myself. But I had a boyfriend for almost a year, but towards the end of that relationship, I got really really bad anxiety. I have been on medication and in therapy since it started. This was about 8 months ago. But I have lived a fairly normal life but still has major anxiety problems. Now, I have moved away from my friends and family to go to university in a town 8 hours away from home. And since I got here, I have realized that I have such a hard time being who I am. It's like I'm ashamed and terrified of what people are going to think about me and if they are going to be accepting of who I am or not. Not just my sexuality but just the person who I am. I have been absolutely miserable the past week and been constantly terrified and I have no idea how I'm going to get out of this feeling. No matter what I do, I seem to lack the confidence and strength to be who I am and be proud of that. I can barely be around people because it makes me panic and I get really bad anxiety. It feels like I'm creating all these problems for myself, because I have never been bullied or harassed. Every day is a constant struggle. I sleep bad, I barely eat because I feel like I'm gonna panic if I'm in the common kitchen in my dorm, I'm dizzy and lightheaded most of the time and all in all miserable. It was fine when I had people around me who knew I was out and were supportive, but now, it feels so hopeless. Am I still in some sort of denial? I don't know why I feel this way, and it's been going on for so long that I'm just frustrated with myself. I don't have any friends who are gay so I don't really have anyone to really talk to about this stuff. Is it normal to still feel like this 2 years after coming out?
i think you are just anxious about going to a new place and starting a new school.. first day jitters i think. but youll make friends and before you know it you feel comfortable and at home.. sorry im not much help.
I think that the way you re feeling is to be expected because you re living in a new town and dont know anyone. I know you re out at home but its almost like you re gonna have to go through the process all over again. I would just try and make friends you dont have to tell people right away and it probably is a bigger deal in your mind than it actually is gonna be to other people. I know before i told people i worried how they would react, but i spent so much time thinking they were going to judge me that i was actually judging them. I think you should just make friends and when the time is right then start telling people. I know where you are right now is a lonely place to be.
Thank you, this message actually made me feel a bit better about my situation. I made it out of my apartment and met some people and although it being excruciatingly anxiety provoking at times (borderline panic attack), I managed to reach out to a few people, so I guess there only way now is up.
I'm happy you made it out of your apartment and met a few people. It may be hard for a while but you just gotta get past that. Things will get better you'll see
You could always try the lgbt club? You said you were out to some people back at home so coming out to people that will be accepting for sure won't be such a problem I hope. Living away from home can definately make you feel lonely so try to make some friends there.
