Uhh, hai. It's been a while! (this is probably going to be a long post, so if you don't want to read it jump to the tl;dr) So, I've always known about my attraction towards guys - at least since I was like, 10 - but until a couple of months back I was pretty sure I'd never come out and I wanted to have something I considered a 'normal' life, with a nice job, a wife and kids. But this year (I'm 15 by the way) a crush on a classmate has woken me up completely to the fact that I'm gay and I'd never be able to lie for so long about that. I've come to terms with my sexuality and fully accepted who I am, and I find it pretty annoying that I can't be this person. I feel like I should come out, but I'm not sure. I mean, who to? Parents? My dad is very homophobic. My mom could be supportive but she also could use that to set me up against my dad (it's complicated). There's also my sister, who would be number one on the list. She's almost double my age and I was never very comfortable with sharing feelings with her (I still am not), which kinda complicates it. But I'm sure she'll always be there for me. Plus, she has/has had many gay friends and I'm pretty sure she's supportive towards them. My closest friend who I've known since I was 3 seems to be quite homophobic like most boys our age, and he's quite slow and needs other people's opinions to make his own, so he'd basically just run telling everyone after a while. Don't get me wrong, he's an amazing person. Telling my male friends would either ruin these friendships or make them very awkward, and it'd probably spread too. I'm not close to any girls (although I want to, but I'm very socially awkward) and even them act pretty homophobic sometimes. And then there's my crush. Well, if you read my previous posts you'll find he's said he was gay himself (not joking) but then took it back a couple of days later. I don't get why anyone would join a new school, tell some girl on the classroom he was 'gay and didn't want to surprise anyone later' and then take it back days later saying it was only a joke. But that's another story (in which we cuddle and I suspect he has a crush on my best friend - and when he's not around, on me - LOL), I guess. I'm not sure if I should come out to him in any scenario because he usually avoids such conversations, so I have no idea about what he'd say about that. Any thoughts? I really want to come out, but I'm not sure if I am rushing things or if I'm too young. I also fear losing my friends very hard. Oh, and by the way the gay community seems to be pretty big here for what everyone says, and there are many gay guys my age in other schools around, but I'll probably never talk to them anyways. >_> tl;dr: I'm 15. I really want to come out but I'm not sure because I'm not in that much of a supportive environment. Plus I'm afraid if I do I'd end up with some either awkward or ruined friendships that I don't want to lose at all. Thoughts?
I think it would be a great idea to come out to your sister, or to your crush, actually--Just tell him that you are gay, though, not about the crush. Congratulations on coming out to yourself--that's often the biggest hurtle.
So, I'm kinda FREAKING OUT right now. My best friend 'X' (who was ill) and my friend 'Y' were hanging today and they met my mother and talked for a while. I know she told them my parents got divorced, but not a lot else. So I just started texting X and it went like this. Me - Hey, feeling better? Him - Besides throwing up twice and a worst fever, yeah. Did Y told you anything? Me - Anything like what? Him - Well, I don't know. Some random things. Me - No, but what would it be? Him - Forget it. Me - Tell me. Him - Nothing, forget it. Me - Tell me please. Him - Anyone missed me in class today? Me - Yes. But please tell me. Him - Tell me who missed me and I tell you. Me - 'random names here'. Now tell me, please. Him - Well, we met your mother and she told us you were gay and I thought Y would pick on you or something. I'll rest now. Me - Wtf. Be serious, what was it? Him - Well, she told us to tell you to stop wanting some cock you know? That you were afraid to come out but you can tell me. Me - Wtf. I can't tell if it's serious or not. I mean, how could she possibly know? I don't access EC on her house's computer even if I did she doesn't know english and I use 'annonnymous' on Chrome. I don't have any porn history or anything and I never told her anything at all. To make things worst I have a very important test tomorrow and I can't concentrate at all now. I'm not readyyyyyyyyy. Ohhhh fuck. I'M FREAKING OUT
So, today I met Y and turns out it was nothing. Y - I need to talk to you. Me - What? Y - Why didn't you tell me? Am I not your friend? -- I thought saying "I was confused and feared losing my friendships" but instead -- Me - Tell you what? Y - That your parents got divorced. You know I'm there for you. I felt relieved, LOL. And that got me thinking again about their reaction if I come out. 'Y' is by far the most homophobic guy in the classroom by far. He says stuff like 'I hate fags' very often, it kinda creeps me lol. I wonder why he gets so bothered about it.
Just letting you know, I don't think you are too young to know. I am 14 (haii) and I've been telling my friends. I am certain that I am lesbian, no doubts about it And think, if you do lose friends over coming out you have to face it. They weren't real friends in the first place. I feel like we have a very similar situation, what with the awkward sister and homophobic parents/friends, so you can talk to me whenever you need to Hope your exam went okay :3
Thanks, that's great to hear! My exams went fine because I had alredy studied before I got nervous for the message, except for chemistry in which I did about 1/5 (and I needed at least 4/5). :icon_sad: Thing about friends is because I'm sure they are real friends and wouldn't just throw me away, but I'm sure these friendships will get awkward or change and it's not even their fault but that's something I don't really want to happen. I mean, coming out isn't worth it if it means I'll get lonely, huh? Anyways, I'll have some 2-3 hours alone with my sister on Sunday so I'm thinking about coming out to her then, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to say it. Plus how would I even start talking about it? Damn. ---------- Post added 30th Aug 2012 at 03:32 PM ---------- My crush just sent me a text telling me he's pooping. He's so cute, lol.
I think you should wait. You yourself said you weren't ready. You should try nd find out if your friend really is that homophobic. Because it is just popular to say things like that so he might not actually mean it. Also 15 is such a young age. I am not knocking you for your age but I always think people should wait until they are in a position to where coming out and getting a negative reaction won't affect them as much.
As for 'I'm not readyyyyy' I was referring to my mom somehow forcing me out (which didn't happened, I just overthought) and not actually not being ready. That's why I'm selecting a group of people that actually could be supportive through this, which has to be done sooner or later. I'm not thinking about coming out to the whole world at all at the moment, but I think being fair with my friends would be something good. Plus, from what I have heard most people actually regret not coming out earlier, and not coming out too soon! I've seen people younger than me that are alredy out, there is also a lesbian girl in my classroom that has accepting friends and a girlfriend, she seems pretty happy to me. I wouldn't really get along with her very well, though. But I don't know, it's not like I have much experience myself. Thanks for commenting. :3
Perhaps your best friend suspects you of being gay so thats why he sent those 'jokey messages' but really he has no problem with it and just wants you to come out to him. Btw he's funny, even though you probably didn't appreciate them at the time xD
Hah, it could be but I don't really think he suspects anything. And yes, he's amazingly funny. -- So, today I had some amazing time with my friends and that got me thinking. I mean, everyone gets along with everyone and everyone is very comfortable around everyone. Like jokingly grab butts, telling gay jokes, jokingly flirting etc... and I guess me coming out would make these awkward and screw my friendships up. I mean, I never ever looked at any of my friends 'that' way, I've always considered them as brothers and the thing I want least is to distance myself from them... that's also the only thing that's ever kept me from coming out. But I can't take it off my mind. I mean, I've always known I was gay to some point but now I think about it all the time. And it's probably because I think about my crush all the time... he's the one that's waken me up to my sexuality to begin with. And I want to get over him. I really do, but it's hard. I can't distance myself from him at all (I see him for at least 5 hours every day); there's not much else to focus on other than I alredy do. Only thing I can think of that might work would be him having a girlfriend. Or at least hooking up at some party. Thing is, I've convinced myself so hard that he's gay that I always find some piece of hope to hold on. And him being, looking and acting amazingly cute doesn't help at all. I'm pathetic. :icon_sad: My sister's coming over for tomorrow, not sure if I should talk to her but I probably won't have enough courage.
You will know when the time is right to do that and maby telling your sister would be a good start but its up to u to do it
