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I dont know if i can recover...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by amigay, Aug 27, 2012.

  1. amigay

    Regular Member

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    Guys i need your help. Im 15 years old and from the United Kingdom. I have been through a trauma in my life where my dad continued to physically abuse me along with my mother. Its taken me a long time to get over this. I finally felt I could so I started looking for someone to chat to. Im a very shy young lad and have no self confidence due to how my dad had treated me. I used to comfort eat and it left me not looking like the person I want to be . I met this guy last Thursday and we hit it off. He was very attractive and treated me lovely like i had worth. He would compliment me and help me through things. The only down side was he was living in America so we couldn't see each other in person except from skyping. Ons Saturday night we skyped again and he was so kind and loving. He even sent me messages telling me he would never leave me . That was all about to change. After a wonderful evening i speak to him the next morning. He said we were good but seemed a bit distant. I then got this.

    "I've been thinking...and I don't know if all that I said was the 100% truth..I don't Love you....I barely know you I have been hurt alot before by moving to fast Okay really sorry for leading you on and I really care about you.But I really can't say I love you. So I can't do this anymore('''...I'm sorry."

    My heart sank. I spent the rest of the afternoon crying and not drinking or eating. Finally 7 hours later I found a way of contacting him just before he deleted me off the last piece of contact we had left. he agreed for a chat on skype and that led to a longer one planned in 4 hours time. Being in different time zones meant that one of us had to stay up late. I was meant to speak to him at 2 am in the UK he didn't get online till 4:30 am. I sat there waiting for him . We then spoke and to cut a long story short opened up to eachother and agreed never to leave eachothers life again. It was an another great evening. We then spoke from 4:30 am here till 7 am here. it was so good and i felt loved again. I'm skimming over my emotions as it it hurting to much, but trust me I was happier than I had ever been with anyone else

    Today he speaks to me. then i get this "Stopp bugging..me your ubsessive.. leave me alone... I'm over it formal this time"

    I'm heart broken . I have fallen for this guy so quickly it is killing me. D: . He now has scrubbed nearly every piece of contact again and it is killing me. I have never been with anyone as I had no confidence he gave it to me then broke it once more D:. I don't know what to do but cry and cry and cry?
     
  2. Lad123

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    Even though it may not seem like it right now but you will meet someone much better later. Realistically, him being in the US and you being in the UK it wasn't meant to be. How long could you have lasted without seeing each other in person? There is only so much skyping you can do before things get too tough to handle.

    You're 15 and that is still so young! Try to enjoy life as it is and forget about wanting a relationship. Focus on your education for now and wait until you get to college or university because people there are incredibly more accepting of lgbt compared to the immaturity of secondary school. Please trust me on this, there will be plenty of gays at university and it will all be worth it in the end (*hug*)
     
  3. RainDreamer

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    Well, I have had some experience in online relationships, so I think I can give you some advices.

    First, you said he remove nearly all contacts with you. The thing is, it is very easy to cut people off in the internet if you just block them off all ways to contact you, and thus remove them from your life. However, he left you at least some way to contact him, that means he is giving you a chance. So be happy =p ,and listen carefully now.

    Second, you should probably reconsider how you have been acting around him. People don't often just cut off, but still leaving ways for you to reconnect to them, for no reason. This is a message. You could have been too obsessive, as he said. You should take it slow, since afterall, you just met him last thursday. That is what, 2 weeks? Look, if you already being like this on a 2 week relationsip, to him, it dosen't mean that you love him, it means you are desperate. Just enjoy your time. Remember, because you are on long distance, that means there are very little things you can do together, and the link is weaker. If you rush it, there will be not much else to do, and things might deteriorate. Give him space, give him a little "me" time. If he really likes you, he won't forget you, so don't be afraid.

    Third, if you weren't obsessive, or in anyway makes him feel that you were too agressive in the relationship, then there is a chance the problem is on his side. Perhaps something is happening in his life that makes him feel like unable to keep on with this relationship. It could be anything, and you might not be able to help him because of the distance. He might not able to tell you either, due to him not trusting you enough (2 weeks relationship is not at all reliable). Still, I think, it is more on your side from what you told me.

    So, your best course of action right now is to calm down first, then talk to him and see if you two can come back, but prepare for the worst.

    Also, since you have never had a relationship before, becareful of idolizing the other person - that is a relationship killer. When you do that, you are not loving the real person, you are just loving your ideal about that person. It makes them feel like it is too hard for them to keep up with your expectation, and will leave you, because you don't love them afer all, just the ideal "them" that they can't compete.

    Finally, remember, it is like the other person said, you are just 15. For me it dosen't mean you shouldn't be in a relationship though, it just means you still have a lot of time to look for someone else if you can't be with this one. The idea that you will one day find a soul mate and live with them for the rest of your life, and that your current one is "the one"...I have to say, it is naive. People change, my dear, and so will their piorities and their preference and everything about them. It is a wonderful thing that people changes, actually, because you can experience much more things life has to offer, but only if you be brave and accept those changes.

    Keep us updated!
     
    #3 RainDreamer, Aug 27, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2012
  4. silverhalo

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    There will be a way back dont give up. Im sure he didnt mean to hurt you but he probably has his own insecurities and issues and that is why he did what he did. Im not excusing it but for the moment your only 15 thats a lot of time for you to meet people who will treat you as you deserve to be treated. For the moment I see no problem with meeting people on the internet but I suggest just being friends with them for the moment.