So ok, I was just at chemistry class, and we were talking about stem cell research, which led to a conversation about gay rights/wtf is a gay person, and I was soo scared I would let my secret slip (it's like an uber-christian class) so I pretended like I was straight and acted like one of those people who says they accept gays, but really is uncomfortable around them or even talking about them. Now I feel like a COMPLETE hypocrite. The entire time I was like, "no, I shouldn't be defending this position!" but I felt like I had to. Basically I feel like an idiot with no brains right now, but I kinda had to put on a show, because I would never be accepted by those people again (and I've known them all my life, so it would TOTALLY suck). :tears: :tears: :tears: :tears: :tears:
I know it's difficult when things like this happen - when I was younger *and sort of knew*, I found myself in a similar situation a couple of times, where I said nothing. But the thing is, I found that the way that I felt after *not* speaking up in defence of homosexuality meant that the next time, I did, and each time I did, the more confident I got in doing so. I have yet, of course, to come out, but as I've got older I have become more confident in defending *all* of my views, which I do tooth and nail. So although it's put you in a difficult position, which I don't feel able to advise you on, I would not worry about feeling like a hypocrite. We live, and we learn. You're still young, and I bet you'll find that next time you're in a similar situation, or the time after that, or after that, you'll find that you've grown in confidence and conviction enough to speak up. You shouldn't feel any shame for not speaking up - but if you do, transform this shame into courage, making this experience worthwhile. I would also like to add that I have found, talking to people many years after events, that in my experience you may actually find that there were some others in your class *in your exact position*, or at least supportive and understanding of homosexuality, but who also felt unable to speak up for similar reasons to you.
wow. ccdd has said the words of wisdom without parallel. *me echoes them, as if i were that wise too* (*hug*) don't feel bad.
i've been in that sorta situation before... it sucks my brother talks about it to me all the time and i get uncomfortable because i have to act straight :-( Catch
putting on a mask isnt a bad thing, its how some survive on a daily basis, just remember to take off the mask every now and then so you remember what's under it