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Not sure what I am supposed to do about this guy or should do anything at all.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kuroi, Aug 27, 2012.

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  1. Kuroi

    Kuroi
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    I’m in a weird (can't find other word to describe) situation and would like some help/advice/opinion about it.

    I’ll try to give you all the information that may be relevant.
    To the point, I am in deep emotional dilemma and in lots of pain. It is caused because of a guy who kissed me few days ago as part of his dare in a party. I was the one who dared him to do it and he was the one who did it without hesitation and threw in a tong which wasn’t a part of the dare. That is what confuses and hurts me this much. He claims for himself to be straight however latter that night he kissed other guy, without it being a dare. As far as I heard from other friends he thinks that he might be bisexual however he never talked to me about it so I don’t want to force the theme onto him.

    I know for certain that he likes one girl, and they talk all the time however I know for certain that she thinks of him only as friend. He found out how she feels recently and was really down for the past few days, he still is. I don’t know if I should comfort him or not. As his friends it’s obvious that yes but I fear that he might take that as trying to take advantage of him being hurt and getting him to like me in such manner, which I am not fan of. Once in these past few day he has been down he told me over chat this “oh well, now that I am sure that I won’t break down crying I might go down to say hello to grandparents” on which I had nothing much to say. I don’t know why he so easily admitted crying to me. I didn’t know how to react and in which direction should I take it. I still don’t.

    Today he messaged me what he said to her:
    " Yes, I have feelings. No, I'm not expecting anything from you. Yes, I'll manage.”
    He always keeps me updated on the matter by showing me what he sends. WHY!?I don’t really know what’s going on. He is usually open about his feeling (about everything besides me(I never asked him or have I told him what I fell (though I kind of showed him by that dare))), he sends me poems he wrote and we sometimes chat for several hours. We see each other on daily basis, however we are never alone, and when we are it occasionally gets quiet. It’s just because I don’t know what to do. I just want to hug him so much and confess my feelings but I’m too scared to say even a word. I wait for him to do something, say something approving, hug me but instead he sits next to me and nothing of the sort happens. We talk about singers or some other random theme, anything but feelings. I don’t know if he feels it but in those situations I feel so tense.

    One my other friend talked to him and told him that that kiss might have gave me false hope (It gave hope, how false it is I’m trying to figure out by typing this ) but he said that he did it because I earned it. How did I earn it and what did he mean by that? Does he have any sort of affiliation for me? If he does is he scared/ in denial of possibly being bisexual so he doesn’t act upon his feelings? What should I do? Should I do something? I really don’t know any of this. They all just give me hope but with it this pain. I hallucinate a lot lately and my concentration and will (for anything actually) has gone drastically down. I often find myself prison in my mind and unable to even follow a simple conversation. I know something has to change but what and how?
    I had admired him since the day I met him (long ago) and I see no other person who I would like to be with more.

    Thank you for spending some time of your life to read this. I am sorry if the text feels unconnected or random; I just wanted to throw out as much things as possible to make it easier for you to figure this out. I think that there is no more relevant information to be given. If you have a question I will gladly answer it as detailed as I can.
     
    #1 Kuroi, Aug 27, 2012
  2. Lance

    Lance
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    Maybe bring that kiss up to him in conversation yourself. You could jokingly say it was a bit more than you intended it to be and see what he has to say. If you feel comfortable you could maybe say you liked it? Or be honest and say it left you a little confused. This is all assuming he already knows you're gay..
     
    #2 Lance, Aug 27, 2012
  3. Kuroi

    Kuroi
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    Yes he does know. Ever since I came out he slowly began, to put it in my friends words "acting
    more gay"
     
    #3 Kuroi, Aug 27, 2012
  4. Lance

    Lance
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    Well that's even better! Maybe he was trying to tell you something with that tongue kiss. :grin:
     
    #4 Lance, Aug 27, 2012
  5. Kuroi

    Kuroi
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    thats what I hope for
     
    #5 Kuroi, Aug 27, 2012
  6. Dalmatian

    Dalmatian
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    In any case he seems completely accepting of your sexuality. Even his comments to other friends show that he is open and supportive. So, it looks like you are in no danger to change his conduct with you and that your friendship is safe. In such a situation, given that this ambiguity causes you pain, I'd say it would be best to talk to him.
     
    #6 Dalmatian, Aug 28, 2012
  7. Chels

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    To me he seems in denial, he accepts your sexuality and apparently sometimes his "takes over". Like Simeone already said, if you decide to talk about it it shouldn't ruin your friendship, judging from what you've typed.
    I'd take a shot and try talking to him without forcing him or anything and yes, probably that kiss could be the starting point.
    About the "keeping you posted" part I think he does it just because he's really close to you, and probably feels like ue can tell you cause you'd be there for him. Maybe he's a bit confused too, so this explains the mixed "signals" he might be' giving you.
    I've never been in this kind of situation so I'm sorry but I really can't help much, it's just what I'd do.
     
    #7 Chels, Aug 28, 2012
  8. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    I think the best thing here is probably just to let him know, explicitly, that you'd be interested in something developing romantically if he is. Since he's having romantic trouble, you can do this on the premise that you're trying to make him feel better: "Well, I think she's missing out. I'd go out with you in heartbeat, if you were interested. You know that, right?"

    And then leave it alone. Regardless of what his feelings might be, you have to respect whatever his decision is on whether to get into something with you.

    It's possible that the kiss has made him aware of feelings he wasn't aware of before, in which case he might be going through a lot of confusion right now.
     
    #8 Ianthe, Aug 28, 2012
  9. Kuroi

    Kuroi
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    Thank you all for your replays. I decided too tell him but the question on how to bring the question up occurs to mind. Any ideas/addvices?
     
    #9 Kuroi, Aug 28, 2012
  10. Dalmatian

    Dalmatian
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    Your entire group of friends seems astonishingly supportive and.. well, truly friendly :slight_smile: I mean, even that "religious freak" friend, who invited you to coffee to talk about his reaction to your sexuality, that's far more mature than I would have expected.

    So, I guess complete openness would work. You could tell him directly or you could start by mentioning the kiss and what it meant to you. You could say you'd like to "dare" him again.
    More importantly, I would think about what I want to achieve. Do you want this to lead to a proper relationship or to something else? That's probably what you will talk about.

    Oh, and keep us informed :wink:
     
    #10 Dalmatian, Aug 29, 2012
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