Coming out before college, or waiting?

If they would care about being the first to know than I would just get it over with. Even if you're not sure how they will take it, as long as you're at least sure it wont pose a serious threat(Kicking out/Disowning/Cut Off), than you might as well do it now. If you wait until you just got into college they might wonder why you didnt tell them when you were there in person.

 

I agree with Gen. It sounds like before you go would be best. For something like that, face to face is always best in most cases. I think you'll be fine.

 

Being true to yourself is the most important step for you at this stage. You are young, you have your life ahead of you and your leaving home for university; all great! But also can be stressful situations, so you have the right to be selfish in a sense. Your parents will be happy if you are truly happy.

I did the exact same thing as you did for years. I would procrastinate about telling my mum and set time periods (like while I was away on holiday) of finally coming out. I finally just blurted it out while I was feeling upset over something, the result is the same; you tell them: you tell them. You must wait until your ready. Do not make excuses as to why you shouldn't accept yourself for who you are because there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. This is just another one of life's hurdles set in front of you that you must just jump over, and once you do, you will feel hugely relieved. On top of all of life's stresses it just so happens that guys like you and me are gay.

I personally believe that there will be no difference in telling your mum and dad now, or in a few weeks/months time. Tell your mum separately if you feel more comfortable with her or vice versa with your dad. Tell them in steps as you would confront most other situations, you don't have to sit them all down in a room and reenact an episode of Alcoholics Anonymos! At the end of the day your parents or siblings may already have suspected that you may be gay. Once you tell those who you're closest too you will look back and think, "what was the bother", your gay, you are who you are and they will HAVE to accept that. If they do not, which I would find surprising, as you have never heard them share extremely negative views on homosexuality, then it is what it is. Overtime they will become used to the fact that you are who you are.

Why not go into university and feel a little more content about yourself?

Once you tell those who your closest too it will be much easier to tell others.
I know first hand that this is scary. You're afraid of being judged, but while your thinking of the things that could go wrong, instead think of the things that could go right. Positively reinforce yourself with thoughts of getting rid of this deep and dark secret you have held onto for so long. Think of the good that will come out of this for both you and your family. Most likely closer bonds will be formed and you will be one step further in finding out who you are and what you want from life.

 

It is safer to tell them now and let them worry about things now than tell them a year away from them and let them go crazy with questions like "What esle you didin't tell us?","Do you have a boy friend? Do he treat you well?","Did you have sex? Did you get an STD?", etc.

Trust me, dealing with all of that at once when you come out is really tiring. If you tell them now, they at least will understand what you have to deal with at school, and they can provide you support.

 

Good luck! we will all be waiting for you!

 

Unless they would go ape-shit if you didn't tell them first, I wouldn't worry too much about that being a good reason to tell them first. But you know your parents best; it's also less of an "obligation" if you have a good relationship and actually want to tell them too.

Anyways, I would actually say wait a couple weeks into uni. It'll let you settle in and figure things out. You could even join an on-campus LGBT society and meet other gay people! More likely than not going to uni will help you settle into your skin as a "gay" person.

I think the only concern I'd have is that if for some reason your parents don't take it well (by that I mean not necessarily badly, but even are just awkward about it initially), it may throw you off your game and make your transition to uni less smooth than you'd like. Uni's a pretty once-in-a-lifetime experience (moreso if you're doing a Frosh Week), whereas you've been in the closet for a while probably... another 10-20 days wouldn't hurt. Where's the rush?

That said, you know your parents (and yourself) best. If you're comfortable with doing it now and want to get it out of the way, then I wish you the best of luck!

 

So true and Not random at all! Surprisingly you will find many that have encountered literally the exact same problems you have had, including me. I have just chosen not to come out to certain people, like my father (raging homophobe), as I do not have to deal with them any more in my life.

Have you ever spoken to a therapist? If you find the right one who isn't strange, it seems many psychologists are, then they can be really really helpful. Its great to just even spout your worries off to someone even if they don't necessarily give you life changing guidance. Many universities will have free therapists you can visit.

Joining an LGBT related group would be great as you connect with others who have come from very similar situations as you, Ive tried to do the same but I live in the backwater of nowhere. :bang:

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