I'm feeling scared when I read a list of Transgender Hate Crime Victims. It makes me feel scared wanting to know about myself and discovering. I told my mother that I'm gender confused. She is uneasy about it, but she tells me that I'm still her child no matter what choice I make. I'm physically a male right, and I'm gender confused. Recently, I have a friend who helped me out on finding some makeup to try. I have this feeling of not wanting to be a guy and I disgusted at myself for having body hair and not looking pretty. I hate looking at my face and I'm ashamed of not shaping well into the "normal" masculine traits that people think I should follow. I have heard about "woman being trapped inside a man's body" when I five and in my teens. I felt like I was different but I didn't really had much of a problem as a kid, but it never went away. I had feelings whenever it a year or two passed and every few months. Every so often. I'm 21 and I have this strange feeling that I don't want to be a guy anymore. I want to feel like a woman because I don't like being this guy. I don't talk much, I see women talk about a lot of things; I don't really like extremely bright girly colors, and I can't be sure anymore about things. I was drunk the other night and can't remember what happened. My two friends ask me if I was alright. I checked my texts and I saw that I wrote my personal feelings to my friends. That's how one of them is actually hanging with me more and buying makeup. My other friend thinks I was just drunk, but he knows I'm bisexual. I feel like I want to be a female, but Not extremely girly, but I'm not sure if that counts. I don't want to have an SRS but I feel like I want to have Hormones. I feel scared of becoming an obese balding man who farts everywhere not taking care of myself. It's a strange and scary feeling.
Try this test: Transsexual Tests Although it is not a medically approved test yet, it is made by a transexual, and it can help you removing some doubts. Don't take it as a clear cut decision whether you are or not though, however. From what you tell me though, I feel like you are somewhat a genderfluid, with a bit of male and female mixed in. Most of the female clues seems to be societal though. But this is just a guess, and I am not a doctor. Try to ask yourself: 1) Do you feel completely alien in the body you reside in? 2) What matters more to you: BE a woman, or ACT like a woman? 3) Where does your feeling originate from? From inside, about what you truly feel with your body? Or from outside, about what you feel that you should be in society? One can totally feel fine having the body of a man, but wish to be seen as female in society. Best result are probably from a real medical professional though, so look for them to be sure.
First of all Jasmine, (*hug*) I know EXACTLY how youre feeling, as I went thru the exact same way of feeling that way since I was 6 years old, right up until I came out a month before my 36th birthday last year. Second, its awesome that your mom is so supportive, Im still struggling somewhat with mine! Third, stop listening to what the media says about trans people, esp te whole 'woman trapped in a man's body' This is a socially constructed idea by the media & society as a way to label, incorrectly I might add, trans people. None of us, neither MTF or FTM, are 'trapped' in anything, we were born as female or male, but incorrectly identified as such. The whole trapped in the wrong body thing, I feel, is insulting & demeaning to the real turmoil trans people suffer. Fourth, you sound to me, based on what youve written, that you are, in fact, a girl & always have been one. As such, my suggestion is to seek out someone to talk to as one of your first steps, a therapist being best, one with experience dealing with gender issues is ideal. If that is not an option, talk to a counsellor at your college (assuming youre in school) or at a free clinic if one is available. Fifth, transition isnt JUST about the SRS surgery, in fact, there are many transwomen who are content to transition to the point just short of surgery & they are very comfortable with still having their male parts, so dont let anyone, esp within the trans community (which is, Ill admit, quite divided btwn itself) tell you that you MUST have SRS to be a woman. It simply isnt true. Sixth, & finally, hormones are a good step towards where you want to be, but please make sure you have a qualified & experienced endocrinologist supervising you should you start taking hormones. DO NOT BUY THEM OFF THE INTERNET AND SELF MEDICATE. This is very dangerous, can cause serious damage to your body & your health (physical, mental & emotional), take years off your life & even kill you if you arent sure what youre doing. In addition to that, you never know what you may actually be getting for all the money you spend anyway, you might be getting ripped off & not realize until youve spent a lot of money first. Hormones will change you A LOT. See my photo album of my pics, I have a couple of me a year & two years ago & then some pics of me over the first 5 months of hormones (more pics to come as Im now 6 months in since uplaoding all of those pics; PS the boobs are still fake, but btwn May 19 & today & went from a 40AA cup to a 40A cup, so change can happen slow in some respects you just need to be patient). My photos may give you an idea of what to potentially expect. Im 6 month in with A LOT more changes to come. In some respects, Im basically a 13 year old girl going thru puberty again (with a little PMS thrown in to boot lol). If you arent happy with changes after a period of a couple years, then that would be time to consider other options, like facial feminization surgery (FFS), which will help feminze your face as well. But give it a few years, hormones will work slowly but they will do their thing, Im livng proof of that at the age of 37! My best suggestion is to do what I did after coming out last year - do research on transitioning. Transsexual Road Map is an excellent place to start. Check your information & sources, as some sites can be more reliable than others in terms of information, that way, when youre ready to start the process, youll be armed with all the knowlege you need to get things started! Hope this helps! PSS: seriously, check my transition pics, they can give you an idea of things lol any other questions, feel free to post on my wall & Ill get back to you as soon as I can! (*hug*)
Oh thanks for the reassurance. I haven't felt good lately. I was told by a doctor that I had severe anxiety problems. They don't know that I have these feelings. But they're not the kind to be accepting of gender confused people. Sorry, but thanks. I like your pics though lol
Hi there Jasmine! For someone who physically looks like a male, to make the statement, that they wish they were really female, is quite a hurdle to jump. I mean, some people have to actually bite their tongues, before they can finally admit it. OTOH, some people get tired of being on the fence, so they therefore, just jump the gun and prematurely state that they just simply wish they were female. That then will temporarily solve the fence problem and gives them a false sense of security. Am I correct in understanding that you've felt like you were a female trapped inside of a male's body since the age of five years old? If that's true, then at the very least, you can safely feel assured that you're transgender, because despite that stereotypical statement, I think that's a strong indicator for being an MTF transgender person. If that's true, you might not be a true MTF transsexual, but you can safely assume that you're most likely MTF transgender. However, the part that confuses me, is the fact that, if you do feel like a female trapped inside of a woman's body, then why would you say that you "want to feel like a woman". I could understand it if you were to say that you'd like to "feel more like a woman". However, you don't say that! You say that you "want to feel like a woman". True transgenders who are MTF, have already made the assessment that they most probably already feel, "too much" like a woman, to have the sex genitalia that they've been assigned by nature. They therefore, would simply like to be accepted by society for being the type of women that they were naturally born to be, surgery or no surgery, hormones or no hormones. Also, it's alright to be an effeminate bisexual male. I've met guys who just wanted to behave more effeminately and have their outward expression of femininity be accepted. You don't necessarily have to crossdress and make the statement, "I am a girl!"... It's alright to have more effeminate thoughts and behaviors than the average guy. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't identify as a confirmed male. Most people have some mixture of both male and female traits or characteristics, anyway. Declaring that you either are a female or that you wish you were female comes quite easy if you're a primary transsexual. Otherwise, before actually declaring that you're a transsexual later in life, you should take your time and slowly arrive at your true gender conclusion, after much exploration and soul-searching... Transgenders are usually not confused about being transgender. However, they can be confused about being transsexuals... Some transgenders will simply say that they are NOT real women, but just satisfied by being classified as transgender women...
