Holy shit, it's like I'm on an episode of Hoarders (for those of you who know the show). Basically, the power upstairs died, so we went to flip the breakers, and after a series of conversations I decided that while my mom and brother should go get his stuff ready for school, I would start cleaning up the basement (mostly as reasoning to get them to go; she was upset and staying here wasn't helping). Anyways, our basement is a hellhole. It's unfinished, full of old... stuff and absolutely covered with dust. I don't think it's quite to the point where things are living/have died down there, but it's pretty nasty. So of course, me being the stupid one I am, actually decided I was going to take a stab at cleaning this. So I have been for the last hour or so. And it's pretty not fun, but hey, it's getting done, and well overdue. I think pretty much I'm just being motivated by the fact that if I don't do this, nobody else will. My mom went to the hardware store and grabbed some stuff (garbage bags, gloves, etc.) and just ran out to get some more things, but in between she stopped and basically said that she didn't want me to throw out "sentimental things" and was worried about the stuff I had already tossed into a giant bin. So of course she wants to "help" after. She acknowledges this is "hoarder" kind of behaviour, and was kind of joking about it (as she's seen the show), but underneath I can tell she's dead serious. And she's going to get more stressed as this goes on. And when she gets stressed, I'm going to lose my patience (though I'm doing remarkably well so far, for me). Anyone have tips on how I can keep my cool, or anything else relevant to this situation? Maybe the interaction part, or the actual physical cleaning/safety... since I'm taking the lead on this, I need to have this all figured out. Yeesh, the more I write about this, the more I feel like I actually am on an episode of Hoarders... it's a shame I've only seen a couple of episodes though. Who would've thought that it'd be helpful information? :lol: Seriously though, :help:.
That sounds like my basement... not much advice that I can give though. I guess just work on it a bit at a time. You don't want to overwork yourelf.
Well, at least it's good to hear I'm not the only one like that. There are definitely times when I feel like this is absolutely unheard of (and consequently, it's my/our fault). Thanks though.
My basement was a similar case, because my mother is the same way. Everything is important to her. Luckily, my brother, sister and I managed to get through the mess. Before getting started, remeber it's going to take days. If there are windows, keep them open, fresh air is a motivator. Personally, I wore boots and thick jeans in my basement because of spiders. First, get rid of the obivous trash. Next, go through things with your mother, if she gets upset about tossing something and it's not broken, then put it aside and continue cleaning. If you get sick of the "keep" pile, dicuss with her about what can go. Ask things like "Do you really need this?" "When was the last time you saw it?" "Where will it go upstairs?" Everything needs a place, and if it can't fit, it can't stay. Goodluck. You're not alone in the messy basement of horrors.
Lol Budder I can relate to this because the eldest of my siblings has a bad case of hoarder written all over the house. Its basically his stuff everywhere crammed into plastic boxes. Its mostly books and old games that he can't bear to throw away, and I ask him does he ever use/look at them, he says no. The funny thing is, he lives in a different country now x_x
Well, one thing--ultimately, it's her basement, right? I mean, it's her house. So, in the first place, you should probably discuss things and agree on what the goal is for the basement, and how much space you are going to free up. You can't really just go in and start tossing her stuff. You probably wouldn't like it if she went and decided your things were too messy, and started throwing them out. If there is anything in the basement that belongs to you personally, you could get rid of that, although you mother may have a few keepsakes she wants to hold on to. But while it is a shared family home, really it's her house, and her basement, and her stuff. And if she really had a hoarding problem, you would never go and stay there, even for a day, for fear that the maze of piled up walls of hoarded junk would topple over and crush you. In that case, it would make sense for you to overstep a little and start throwing out her stuff. But while it sounds nasty down there, it doesn't sound abnormally disgusting for a storage area. Since I believe your parents are somewhat recently separated, if I remember right, keep in mind that going through stuff that was collected during the marriage will be even more difficult for that reason. Stuff gets memories attached to it--good memories, bad memories, but certainly emotional memories. Also, not to state the obvious, but your mother is older than you are--she once knew people who died before you were born. There could easily be things that belonged to her grandparents, for example, that might not even look like anything much, but she's keeping them for a reason. She may have mementos from when she was in college, in which case, it almost certainly doesn't look like anything much, but it still represents a part of her life that she wants to remember. You can't just go in and get rid of things. Here's the thing about sentimental stuff: it isn't doing any good in the basement, where she never sees it. If these sentimental things are to serve their purpose as mementos, they have to be in the house, where she can see them. They will not stimulate her memory in a box under a layer of dust in the basement. Instead of keeping a giant box of your brother's and your baby clothes, it would make more sense to choose a favorite set of each. Instead of having a box of baseball trophies, choose one, and put it on display. Try to get a representative sample of different people and different parts of your mother's life that she wants to remember. Display things on shelves, or frame them and mount them on walls. There's one other, unpleasant thing I wanted to mention. Basements are a place where people put things that are broken. You've mentioned before that there was some violence in your house. It's possible that there are some broken things in the basement there, that your mother can't look at without remembering how they got broken. Anyway, just try to have patience, and realize that, while it may just seem like junk to you, it's junk that carries all kinds of associations from your mother's life.
Thanks everyone. That's very true that it is ultimately her house and her basement, and that's something I'm going to have to keep in mind. I might not have described this properly: I went in to clean the area because it really was just abysmally messy and my mom didn't want an electrician to see it (we've avoided having people inside our house for years now, just because while the basement is horrid, the rest of the house was just messy/dog hair-y/dirty/etc., though still livable). My mom was actually the one who brought up the idea that her behaviour was "hoarder" behaviour, somewhat jokingly, though she was still kind of serious. This should go better than the worst-case scenario I predicted though. I brought up a bunch of decent-condition/stuff she was interested in things for her to look over when she got back, and nearly everything that needed to be thrown out (i.e. really not in good condition under closer inspection) got thrown out. By no means is she mentally ill or anything though; she said it herself, for the last 20 years she's thought of that basement as nothing but a pile of crap (in fact, her complaining about it initiated my action), but seeing things come out of it is making her rethink what's actually down there. So I guess it's reasonable concern. And I was just worried I'd have to be fighting the whole way through this, like on the show. She's also of the understanding that if it's not in remotely decent condition, it isn't worth keeping, no matter what it is, so that saves a ton of time. And anything that is decent I'm putting aside because she might either want to keep it (if it's actually useful... we found a brand-new roasting pan, box and all, down there!), or it might be donated. So our system seems to be working, though I've been doing it all solo so far. Guess we'll see how this goes more tomorrow.
