Hi, I was wondering... I mean I enjoy helping others. Makes me feel like I’ve made a difference or helped someone in some way but... What you guys do here is amazing. Being LGBTQ individuals we have issues with coming to terms with ourselves and sometimes it’s not pretty. We’re suicidal, dark, emotional, depressed, sad, dealing with our parents who don’t accept us, friends who turn their backs on us, trouble transitioning, struggling with out faiths and orientations, and a whole lotta other crap. I can barely stand up with all the crap going on inside me because of what has happened to me being what I am so I can’t imagine carrying your own personal cross and the crosses of several hundred other EC members... so my question is; “Why do you do it and HOW do you do it?”
As well as being part of the EC staff for several years, I also spent four years working for a queer youth association. I'd spend hours and a ton of energy planning and running events, trying to help people feel comfortable and make friends, coming up with ideas, dealing with paperwork and politics, and trying to keep people in line. On EC, I'm not one of the tech admins and I'm not big into the advisory stuff any more, but I still spend a fair bit of time here trying to keep things in line. I do it because I want to help people. I do it because if there's something within my power that can make someone feel even a little bit happier or safer or more comfortable, I want to do it. When I resigned from my youth work last month, half a dozen people told me that I'd been the first person they'd spoken to at an event, and I'd made them feel comfortable enough to talk to other people and get involved. Hearing that is what makes it worthwhile.
I do it because I love this community. I've been here for over five years now, and this is truly a unique place on the internet, not just for the support our members get, but for how genuine, caring, and welcoming it is. It's hard to find places like that on the internet, and I'm happy to do my part to keep it that way. As for how, having a staff of many certainly helps. We can all pop in when it's convenience for us, and because we're all in different timezones and on different schedules, the net effect is that we're able to keep a near-constant watch on the forum. And having a staff of this size also helps in that if one of us needs to take a break, there are plenty of us left to keep things running smoothly around here.
Well, that's kind of hard for me to answer this because I'm not LGBT but straight. I'm not having LGBT close relatives, only a few friends. And I'm not a professional therapist or counselor either. Because of this, and for quite some time, I questioned my legitimacy as an EC advisor. The main reason I do this is that I strongly believe nobody should be discriminated for who they are and/or who they love. When Ec's staff asked me if I'd like to join the team, I told myself that if I could make a difference, even for just a few people, that was definitely worth the try. As for how I do it, I just consider myself as someone to talk to. When I discovered EC, I had a closeted friend whom I loved very much, but for some reason, I was unable just to open up to him and tell him I knew he was gay and it was fine by me. I clearly remember that, when I was thinking of him back then, I was wishing he had at least someone to talk to. And that's all I'm trying to be on EC to be honest : someone anyone can talk to, whatever the matter. I don't pretend I can always help, nor that I have knowledge about every issues someone can have (God knows I have learned a lot from Ec's members since I've been here), but listening, that's something I always can do. But, to tell you the truth, EC is giving me much more than I could ever give back and I am thankful for this place, it's members and my fellow staff members every single day. Take care, Cécile
I too, love you guys for what you're doing here! You're just awesome! :eusa_clap Especially Ianthe! (*hug*) PS. I even think I'm beginning to like TheEdend!
This is an interesting question. I've never really thought about it until now besides the obligatory "I like helping people". O: I think for me, helping others genuinely helped me in the long run. When I first joined up on EC, I lurked for nearly a year and didn't post much outside my own problems. Eventually I came back and wanted to start posting (I'm a bit of a forum-whore at heart) but didn't know where to start. So I just posted wherever I felt I could give some sort of insight or personal experience. In a way, the time when I started posting was the roughest time for me in terms of figuring out my sexuality. By contributing here I felt good by helping other people, oftentimes answered my own questions somewhere deep down, and kept my mind off of my own troubles. It ended up being a method to cope with my personal stress. And now... I stick around because I do like helping people. More recently I try and give input on things I can't necessarily relate to. It helps me to learn things I wouldn't otherwise know. And a lot of the time I enjoy playing Devil's Advocate (aww, I finally switched my user title from that ) since I like to think it helps foster critical thinking. And of course, you guys are all awesome; I genuinely enjoy being a part of this community. Logging onto EC at the end of the day is a way for me to indulge in all the fun LGBT discussions I wouldn't otherwise normally bring up with my friends or family in real life, partly because I'm uncomfortable with it still, and partly because they probably don't care that much about things like "such-and-such being the first LGBT person to do whatever". Oh, and school doesn't start till next week, so I have superfluous amounts of free time and nothing to do. I can be as active as I want! Though knowing me, even when classes start I'll be putting off doing my work to come hang around EC...
I have to agree with Owen on alot of his post,he has hit the nail on the head.In all the time that I have trawled through the internet I have never found anywhere as friendly or willing to give good honest advice as EC.With that being said,it is all down to the moderators and staff members that we can to belong to such a wonderfull,supportive community. This is really just to say a big thankyou to all of you who give up your own time to keep EC up and running and also finding the time to give great advice aswell.You really have built a site to be proud of.
Oo a question I know the answer to! I've been on staff for almost four years now, and I think the special moments are just the times when someone ends up benefitting from something you did or said. I mean, you don't have to be a staff member to feel like that, but even the little things like banning spammers just feel good, because you know that one little thing has been done to keep EC a bit more perfect. And I've met some pretty special people over EC these past few years. And I'm the kind of person that likes to fiddle and multitask and have things on the go. At my most busy, I've been modding EC, had full time university work and two part time jobs on the go. When I find myself with too much going on, I will have to bow out, but that just hasn't happened yet. I've learned a lot from everyone on EC about lots of different things. In fact, the other month I was explaining to a group of people what all the confusing terms for sexuality and gender mean, and that's all thanks to EC. And Kara's medical wisdom has rubbed off a tiny bit on me over the years, for sure. And my writing and spelling has improved from typing so much! There's loads of good things about being on EC and being on staff. It's a special place. But really it's all about the naked staff parties.
I know for certain that my life has changed for the better and that I am growing as a person (even at my age!) simply by serendipitously finding EC. It is an extraordinary place and I can't thank all of you - and especially the Moderators - enough. Tom
I forgot about that! I used to write in a blog regularly, and all that practice did a lot to improve my writing, but I stopped writing it just before I was offered the staff position, and I was worried that all the improvement I'd seen would diminish if I wasn't getting that practice. Thankfully, all the writing I do here has kept that from happening. Totally.
I've actually been trying to think of an answer to this all day, and I am still no nearer to having a coherent answer in my head. I joined the website back in 2007 not long after my 17th birthday, and at that point in time the idea of being out and happy seemed more like a distant dream than an inevitability, but all that really did change when I got involved in this site and become part of the community. I don't know what it is about it, but even when you aren't seeking support for your hardship it still feels like you're being empowered to be happy and content with who you are as a person, and that really does wonders for challenging the closeted mindset that so many of us have dealt with (or still are). I've been on many sites over the years, but I have never been part of a community as open and welcoming as EC is, which is what makes it such a useful resource for anybody and everybody. I would, however, alter the wording in the opening post. Sure, that list accurately covers a range of issues that are worryingly common on here, but I think the way you worded it fails to appropriately grasp why we sign on each day to maintain EC's supportive services. The situations some of you face are extremely unfair and downright shit, but never think that it is something that makes you any less deserving than any other member on here. I strongly believe that it is our experiences that ultimately mould who we are as a person, and the best thing we can do is to overcome our own hardship (no matter how impossible that may seem) and use our own experiences as a way to help others. One of the things that I've learnt on EC is that some of the best supportive figures on here (staff and members) are those who have been to really dark places in life but have managed to overcome such difficult barriers and use said experiences as a tool of inspiration and empowerment for other people. That is, in my opinion, what makes EC so great. Our support isn't based on textbooks and professional opinions, but on the everyday hardship that allows us to empathise with each other and highlight that despite feeling like the path to happiness is very long, it's still a path worth travelling so that you can get on with life and become as content as the very person who is offering you that help who has been through the same hardship and come out the other side. I think the question you ask is definetly relevant to everybody. As much admiration I have for the staff, it is the members of EC who I think ultimately make it so great (not that my staff peers don't contribute to that ), and the support that you all give is just as valuable and appreciated. This has turned into quite a soppy post, so I'll end it on an equally soppy note. If I had to give one piece of advice to EC members then it would be to never underestimate just how inspirational you can be to another person. You don't have to look very far to see members going through awful situations that you wouldn't wish upon your worst enemy, but the best thing we can do in life is overcome these obstacles and use them as a source of wisdom for helping others. I see so many members with a list of problems and they think that this somehow makes them helpless and almost worthless as a person, but the exact opposite is true. To be able to challenge problems and come out the other side as a stronger person is one of the bravest and best things we can ever achieve, and striving towards that and using it to help others can be one of the most rewarding things in the world. So yeah, next time you feel like the entire world is trying to weigh you down, just remember that overcoming it will give you a sense of empathy and wisdom for others that you can't learn from any textbook, career training or academic journal, and that in overcoming your own problems you become a unique and valuable resource to somebody else who is going through the same problems. I see people using that same skill each and every day, which is what makes EC so valuable for those who use it. When I read about the difficult situations that you all face I really don't see somebody who is helpless and unfixable. I instead see the potential in you to overcome such difficult situations and go on to help others overcome equally troubling situations - sort of like EC's very own version of the circle of life. If that isn't worth the time and effort to help ye all then nothing is.
Maybe for precisely that reason? My coming-out wasn't as horrific as many, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a scary trip to make. And the scariest part of it was having to take it pretty much alone. What little information I got in regards to "what it means to be gay" came from a couple old magazines I managed to get a hold of. There was a gay student union on college campus, but it seemed to be more of a political "we're here we're queer" thing than a place to go get advice and support. (I've since realized that impression was probably very incorrect.) And so there was a lot of fumbling around, guesswork, and missteps made along the way. I definitely could've used something like Empty Closets back in the day...and that's why I'm happy to contribute what I can to it today. Lex
You are too kind Everyone else has already pretty much said what I wanted to say, but this quote the Cecile made really hits home. Being around LGBT people inspires me and makes me feel cuddly inside. Its crazy that you are able to go interact with a group of people that is compromised of such strong individuals who are willing to go through hell to be able to enjoy their lives just how they want to. I love it and, this will sound disgustingly cheesy, but every single member here inspires me in some way or another. You guys are what make EC such an inviting and helpful place to be in, and I have learned from you guys more than you will ever know. On top of that, coming out is crazy hard and no one should have to do that by themselves. I was lucky in many aspects so if I can be of some help to some people and make the process just a little bit less sucky, then I'm happy to do that. As we have it, all of us are standing on the shoulders of giants. The LGBT generations that came before us made it so incredibly easy compared to the shit they had to go through. Many gave their lives so we could enjoy ours. And we owe it to them and the generations of the future to try our hardest to deliver a world where it is, even just a bit, easier to be yourself. But with all of that being said, yes it can be overwhelming at times and sometimes I get so frustrated with the world and that shit that so many of us have to go through that I have to step away from it all for a second. I usually either vent to my boyfriend or a close friend, and then I try to re-channel that anger and frustration into something constructive. And that's mainly what keeps me going. Plus, we also have a great team on here who are very passionate about what they do and I always feel lucky being able to work with them all.
I strongly believe in the principle of paying it forward. I can never pay back the people who helped me recover from depression. Not in a million years. The best thing I can do, the only thing I can do, is to do for others what they did for me. I see helping other people in the mental health community as a moral duty. The fact that I do it on EC is almost secondary, while I do advise people on LGBT issues, I do so primarily in the context of how being gay or bi or trans affects depression, self-harm, suicidal ideation, etc.
I have no idea how lost I would be without this forum, thank you so much to everyone who takes the time to help us sort through all of our shit.
