Hello everyone! I have a friend who I am very close with - we always spend a few hours a day on Skype (he lives away from me), he help each other with everything we can, we love to chat with each other and we both value our friendship very, very much. I've met him over the Internet, but this year he came to visit me during the Summer and we had a great time - we took photos of ourselves, he slept in my room, he was okay with drinking from my glasses, wearing my t-shirts and so on. Full trust, yup, it's just like a bromance, although we never admit it, as it is most of the time not understandable by our society. A few days ago he wanted me to register as a referral on some 3D chat site, as he needed some sort of currency there to buy an object. After he got the "cash" we forgot about it. But I remember I had an account there for a year already and could add him. I logged in, opened his profile and found out that his orientation is bisexual, and, to confirm that, he had messages from gay guys on his wall and was a member of a bi/gay/straight group. I now have the dilemma of: a) whether to tell him that I know about that fact or not? After all, I am bi too. b) if I should tell him about that, how to do it? I am scared that if I tell him our friendship may change and I like it as it is - we have planned our future life for the next few years, I will spend next Summer at his house, we want to go to the same university, when we finish the uni we want to both fly to the US and buy ourselves an apartment and so on... Can you help me, guys? Sorry for my bad English, it's not my native language.
Just come out to him as bi, it's not like your coming on to him or anything, it's just admitting that you have the same sexuality. What's a little 'troubling' about your post is the whole planning your life around this person thing. I mean, I get that you're best friends, but going that far ahead seems like you could be setting yourself up for a huge disappointment if anything does change. What if you fall out? What if one (or both) of you doesn't get the right grades to go to this uni? What if he (or you) change your mind about all of this but the other doesn't? By the sounds of it you're 16/17 years old, it's not such a good idea to get yourself so closely entangled with somebody at this point, in my opinion.
Welcome to EC, Schocker =) I think you just start by pointing out his orientation and group affiliation and just start a conversation about it. It should be easy enough to come out as bi if he is too. You should have absolutely nothing to worry about in my opinion. Are you sure he might not be into you if you come out to him? Would it bother you if he was?
I don't think you would have a problem if you told him you're bi too. What I do want to point out is this: don't set your sights and hopes on your futures together so soon, and don't be so sure that everything you want to happen and everything you plan will actually play out that way. I'm assuming by what you've told us that you're in high school. A lot of things change during that time. People change. Friendships change. Goals change. Future aspirations change. You never know what's going to happen. Take me for example. I've been in love with my straight best friend all throughout high school. We spent all our time together and did everything together. We set goals together and worked our way towards going to the same university and planned to study medicine together. We had all these plans that we wanted to see through; in the end, none of it happened. Something changed for her and she suddenly cut me out for a while. It took a long time to get back to talking again, but even then, nothing went back to normal. We had already lost that extremely close relationship we had. I fell into a deep depression, gave up on school, and now we've gone our separate ways to separate schools studying completely different majors. We're friends again now, but I'm just making the point that you can't expect everything you plan to work out the way you want. There's no guarantee that you'll both get into the same school. There's no guarantee what will happen during your college years. There's no guarantee that you'll or he'll still want the same things in a few years. There's no guarantee that you'll actually get an apartment together. There's no guarantee that you'll both move to a different country together. I mean, really think about it. Does your plan sound reasonable to you? Even if you were in a relationship, these things may not work out. Heck, even married couples can't make such promises too far into the future. I just want you to take a look at what you're saying so that you don't get your hopes up before they come crashing down. I've seen it happen in my life and in other people's lives too often. People say things, plan things together, and everything turns out differently.
I won't try to defend myself at this point, because I am aware of all of this. Heck, we _both_ are aware of that fact; those are just our dreams, I've always been a person who planned everything far ahead and I got used to the fact, that something may change - still, these are all dreams we made when either of us was feeling down. I now realize I might have put it in a wrong words, we _want_ to do so, but right now we are separated by a few hundred kilometers, so every of our plans is possible to (and probably will) fail, that's okay, at least we tried. That said, yes, I know I shouldn't be so sure about everything that will happen, but actually, the only thing I think will take place sooner or later will be our trip to the USA - for a month or so. The rest are just childhood dreams. I'm a bit paranoid with friendships - I never really had a true friend before and I'm worried that if he finds out I'm bi he might think our friendship could soon change to a relationship and he might not be okay with _that_ fact. Would it bother me if he was into me afterwards? Hell no, he's awesome!
Hi, Welcome to EC! Set your own orientation on the 3D chat thing to "bisexual," and add him. It's possible he was hoping you would notice. I mean, sure, he wanted cash on there, but I doubt he was unaware that you could see his orientation if you were looking for it. People who aren't totally out rarely overlook that sort of thing, and he wasn't out to you. Especially since it sounds like there is some kind of dating aspect to the site you are talking about, I don't think this was an accident. This was his way of coming out to you. If it won't be obvious, make sure to tell him it's you, right away. It would be really weird if you didn't.
To be honest, yesterday his orientation was set to "Prefer not to say", but I haven't check out his full profile then, he couldn't have recovered those messages, so the change of orientation for that time was probably just a cover. I think I'll do something similar to what you suggested, I'll tell him I found my old account details and added him, I wonder what he will say... "Especially since it sounds like there is some kind of dating aspect to the site you are talking about, I don't think this was an accident. This was his way of coming out to you." He was feeling quite bad yesterday and told me he "probably gets annoying with all those problems", to which I replied "No, you aren't, and even if you did, you have the full right to be. After all, you can tell me everything, really." Why not right now? His connection is dropping every 10 minutes, I can't even start a decent talk right now. Thanks everyone, You have been of great help!
