Coming out poems.

Hey,

I've wrote a total of eight of these, you can see them in my blogs. Just posting one of the first ones I wrote when I was low and posting one of the latter ones in the whole coming out process, guess I'm just showing that I had no faith whatsoever and things in my life changed and proved me wrong. Just remember there's always hope for you too. =D


<<<<<<<<<<< Here's the first one

"Me against the world"

I've strived so hard, I've seeked so long, I've symbolised everything I've ever wanted. I've acted normal, I've played the part, I've tried to party and act normal all night. I thought I could overcome this, I thought I made it clear, this is not what I want, please let me endure.

Gay, is such a hard word to say, its such a difficult word to be, it gets used for everyday banter, which makes it a very hard to see, that this its not a bad word, not if this is the way God meant for it to be. But thats the question you see, Am I? Could I be? Did I just not see?

I know that I'm 'not' straight, I know I 'might' be gay, in a world full of pain, this strain continues to this very day. I was always told, 'You can be anything you want to be', then why cannot I not choose this, why has this choosen me? Its a burdon on my back, its the pain within this game, I really want to stop playing, put an end to this growing pain...

I come from such a masuline family you see, I'd hate for them to see, that I'm not truly like the rest of them, I'm more open and can see, further than the sea. I can view whats right and whats wrong just the same, if its so, that's the way God intended it to be! It's not for us to judge, its not for clear for everyone to see, so stop pointing the finger and being prejudice to me.

I feel if I tell, I'll be so un-equal, so unreal, something so damaged that no one else would see, the real little old me. I always say 'Our biggest enemies are always the ones we never knew we had in the first place', which truly reflects home, well, atleast for me..

Brothers, can't you see, that this was not what I chose to be, this was not what I had planned, nor anything that I did. Don't control what I think or say, cause I'll fight back until my dying day. This was entirely laid out before I even knew, can't you understand, the people that you critisize, is your little brother in disguise.

I recall some years ago now, late, late at night, with God in my sight. I prayed and begged, and asked for forgiveness, I asked 'God, why me?, Cant you see, this is not what I wanted for a guy like me?'. He never replied, instead he let it be, he let me become something that I didn't want to see.

I know that I'm not straight, I know that I can't change, I wish things where different, maybe in time I'll see, that this change isn't so bad, and that its meant to be.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< One of the last ones.

"I've found the light..."

They say you must walk a mile in a storm to capture the sun, to ignite that flame, to burn out sun, to dry out the pain and replace it with gain. I never entered the storm, I was born amongst it. Nothing ever made sense; I thought someday this would all become dense. It’s a thing of the past; I really did think in this world, I’d never last.

I’ve felt happiness, lies, denial, self-hatred, anxiety, confusion, misunderstood, lost, hurt, all this pain within this silly little game, while we all strive for acceptance and gain.

There comes a time in life where you are sick of the past, sick of the cards, sick of the rules, sick of this boos. I’ve come to realise, I was never part of their game to begin with, why bluff, it just makes things rough, makes the game extremely tough.

I’ve let the sun come out to play, I’ve let the birds sing again, I’ve let the water run, I’ve seen the light deep down through night. I’ve run the mile, I’ve beat the fight, I’m no longer alone in this endless fight. I’ve passed the hatred, I’ve let go off the pain, and used it for my own gain.

The naysayers are there, but they always will be, they provoke hatred and live on pain, why let them gain what belongs to you? I know I’ll never feed off someone’s else’s agony, I know what’s right and what’s wrong, I don’t need a rule book to tell me how to live my life. It’s my life, let me live it. I do plan too, with my opinion still in tacked.

Now I can see the deep blue sky, the lights have over taken the darkness and I no longer want to die. Because I’ve realised, I’m not to blame, this was all part of my game. I can feel the smile and it’s been so long, and I now know, where I belong. It’s strange and magnetising how one person can come into your life while it’s falling apart and change absolutely everything… There’s the light, I’ll follow it! “Are you coming along?”…

Hope you enjoy!!! =D

 

Thanks. =P Haha, that made me laugh.