I recently just yesterday came out to 2 of my good friends. One feels awkward now and the other started saying its bad because of my religion and didn't even offer support. These were my best friends for a long time. I have this guilt trip now because I havent come out to my parents and don't think I can. I just feel so alone right now. I thought coming out would help but feel its going downhill. I have very low self esteem and now even more. Any advise as to how to cope would be appreciated. Thanks friends.
Im really sorry that this happened, and I understand how alone and upset you must be at the moment. Remember that people are schematic creatures, and we collect information. We analyse and collect data every second of every day, and create the schema's (or idea's of what things are all about). If, for example, your friends build this perception of you as straight and religious, and you then tell them you are gay... well that doest really fit in with the idea that they had of you. Give them some time, and keep persisting. Its not going to go anywhere if you dont take it there.
I had a similar issue with my best friend (well he started being weird because his girlfriend was catholic and he didin't want her to dump him but I think the underlying principle is the same) so I know that it can be rough when you don't get the acceptance and support that you need, but don't give up hope that their initial reactions might give way to something a little more acceptable to you. And you do not need to come out to your parents, it isn't a race to tell as many people as possible. You need to wait until you are comfortable, this piece of information is not something that is owed to anyone in fact I would advise not coming out to anyone else while your low self esteem is such an issue because it makes you so much more vulnerable to people's reactions and that's not really what you want when you're coming out. Although if you have someone in your life who you know 100% is LGBT positive (as I did my sister, when one of her favourite singers came out she aggressively defended him against the negative comments of her friends so I knew she was a safe bet to come out to) then it might be an idea to confide in them if you want to. Do you have any options available for professional support? I don't know if you're in education but if you are there should be something available to you that you might consider trying to access.
One thing I always try to remember about coming out is that it's just the beginning of a conversation - not the end. A lot of times people react in ways that, in the end, don't have much to do with how they really feel about you being gay. It could come from surprise - as TyRawr mentioned - or just from ignorance about what being gay really means (both in general and specifically for you). All of which is to say, try to give them the benefit of the doubt for a little while at least. They've gotten some new information that, I think it's safe to say, they didn't expect - in time they may surprise you. And if they don't, then you have a good chance now to meet new friends, who will be more supportive of you (and yes - this WILL happen).
Hi there Socal916! Well there might be several issues going on here... First of all, once you've outted yourself to the wrong person(s), usually the news will travel like widfire. It might now be prudent to tell certain family members, or at least the people that mean the most to you. Hopefully, there will be no job related repercussions to face in the not too distant future. If you're in a grade school situation, you're just gonna have to tough it out, unless you have information that others view as detrimental to themselves. Otherwise, if you're ready to come out. Just make certain that you have the means to remain safe and secure, before doing so. You must have a safe place to sleep and a means by which to sustain yourself. If you're rich, don't even worry about it!
