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Not sure if I'm even confused

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by darlig ulv, Aug 30, 2012.

  1. darlig ulv

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    Hi there! I'm new to this website and I wanted to start with the ultimate question. I'm 14, a virgin, and I haven't been kissed since before I started puberty and my hormones started kicking in. If you had asked me in elementary school about my sexuality without blinking I would have said I was straight, and I believed it.
    But in sixth grade because of a change-up, I was put in the same class as this guy, he's cute and funny and ginger and smart, and something went off (even writing this I get that feeling), like electricity and everything good in the world mixed together surging through me. I had never felt that way before for any girl. And I've had female crushes before puberty started.
    Like some sexual awakening, I explored possibilities I never would have considered, I scoured the internet for answers and came to the conclusion that I was bisexual. I kept and still keep this a secret. Only one person knows, a friend from camp, she was with me and another friend who's really innocent and I wanted to rant about how irritated I was at my perverted dormmates, this discussion being extremely sexual, I told to the non-innocent one, Ms. Innocent, wanting to know what happened, kept bugging me about it, eventually she was asking if I was gay. So I started up a new conversation.
    Afterwards, the non-innocent friend asked casually, "Soooo, what is your deal?" and knowing that she could keep a secret, I told her I was bisexual.
    That night, I layed in bed restlessly, thinking about what I had said, realizing that that term didn't feel right. I also noticed that girls didn't feel right either, I put two and two together, and I'm here. (I find that though I am turned on by both male and female bodies, but I only really have had feelings for guys. )
    I never meant to write this much, I guess it's ranting but it really helped, and if your reading this now, you listened. I love you I love you I love you:kiss:(*hug*), this might be asking a bit more but I need help with this. What do you think? Am I bi or gay?. Please leave a comment stating what you think. I have never been kissed since I was five so I am clueless, and I think there are those of you in the LGBTQ community who would understand. Thanks so much!(*hug*)
     
  2. Lance

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    I don't think we all necessarily have to have experiences to know whether or not we are gay/bi/etc.. For me personally it is just something that I know and feel. Given what you have said, it does sound like you could be a homo-leaning bisexual or just gay. Since you said you've only had feelings for guys, I'd say gay would be the best label if you need one. You're quite young at 14 and still going through hormonal changes and all, so over the next few years your sexuality will be a bit more refined and you'll have a better idea where you fit on the spectrum of sexuality. Not that it won't be the same as it is now, it's just that you'll have more feelings/experiences come along that will help you better define yourself. It can be a bit scary being "different" than everyone else, but there are tons of us out there like you, and I'm sure there's even some at your school. Joining a GSA if your school has one is a great start at meeting people like yourself.
     
    #2 Lance, Aug 30, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2012
  3. Ianthe

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    Well, it seems to me like a gay identity will probably end up being the most meaningful to you. Certainly, from what you said, it seems likely that you will be more satisfied in a relationship with a man.

    Also, this seems a little similar to my own first coming out experience. I was still kind of vague about things. But I told a friend over a facebook message that I was "queer," which I understood to be a kind of umbrella term. After I got his response, pretty much immediately, like within minutes, I thought, "Oh, I'm a lesbian. Obviously, I'm a lesbian, what have I been thinking all this time?"

    I think telling someone and getting an accepting response just relieved enough of my shame that I was able to get out of denial. (I wouldn't have said I was ashamed, at the time, but I definitely was.)

    Your identity should be the one that you connect with, that you most feel you can relate to. Since it seems like you probably want to date men, it's likely that you will most relate to the identity that is characterized by romantic interest in men--the gay identity.

    Edit: I do agree with Lance, though, in that you will have more experiences over the next few years, and therefore more information to base your assessment on.
     
  4. Mango

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    Hi there Darling!

    IMHO, there's no rush to place you into any cubical or box. I say, let it ride for awhile.

    If you're attracted to a guy, so what? Let it be!...If you're attracted to a girl, so what? Let it be!

    At this point, the tide may just ebb and flow, until one day, it may possibly just ebb. OTOH, it may just continue to ebb and flow indefinitely...

    Just allow your feelings to flow...Don't attempt to guide your feelings, as you'll soon see that any deliberate effort on your part to guide your heart, will only prove to be fruitless.
     
    #4 Mango, Aug 31, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2012
  5. darlig ulv

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    thanks! ive been thinking about it and i think im bi but more drifted towards guys (kinsey:4) but to tell you the truth, i hate labels.