Hey, I'm new here and I'm having a little trouble. I am a freshman in college and as you can see in my information to the side, I'm bisexual. I have no doubts about that. I am out to my twin sister, a few friends, but really not many people at all. To tell you the truth, I have to problem with being bisexual. I've heard a lot of people become extremely nervous and ashamed of themselves once they've come to that realization, but I'm very comfortable with it. I have not told my parents. I doubt my mom would believe me, and if she did she wouldn't be happy, but my father would probably not make a big deal out of it. He might have doubts but would probably accept it without a big fuss. He's pretty understanding. My sister it totally okay with it, as are a few close friends. My problem has to do with a few friends, specifically my roommate and my best friend here at school. I have no doubt my roommate would be understanding and wouldn't care, but at the same time I'm afraid she might become uncomfortable sharing a room with me. (I'm not attracted to her at all, just by the way.) No idea why that would be, but it's a worry I have. My best friend, however, is a very religious Christian and does not condone LGBT people at all. She believes it's wrong, a sin, etc.... When we talk about "who we like", I'd love to tell her about the girl I'm interested in but I doubt anything good would come of that! I'm a member of an LGBT group here at school but as of now I have only one person to talk to in reality and need help. I'm comfortable with my sexuality but not with how others might take it. Thanks!
Hey Honey, easily the scariest part of all of this is coming out, and only you should be able to decide when the right time for you is. Have you actually heard it come from your room-mate's mouth that she thinks being LGBT is a sin? I think it's worth giving her a chance, it sounds to me you two are very close. Being a Christian myself I've found that most Christians who share those beliefs don't actually know any LGBT people, (or at least don't know that they know), so the idea is this foreign concept. Basically they haven't realised that LGBT people are ordinary people, we're not some weird race of alternate humans. I'm not saying that she would have an automatic turn around in attitude, it might take time, but hopefully, eventually she would realise that being bisexual doesn't change you from being the girl she liked enough to befriend. Oh and keep your sister close, it sounds like she's a great person.
Thanks for replying. My roommate hasn't done or said anything to make me believe that she has a problem with LGBT people. I'm worried nonetheless because I suppose it's possible she might not like the idea, but I can assume pretty reasonably that she wouldn't mind. My best friend actually has said that she considers it a sin. I'd hate to think of my bisexuality changing our close relationship but I'm afraid it would.
Welcome to EC! I think its great that you don't have any troubles accepting your identity. That alone will save you oh so many headaches. For your roommate, are you guys staying at a dorm or an apartment? Are you guys able to easily witch roommates at any time? If you are able to switch roommates, then I think you should totally go for it and tell her. Chances are she won't care one way or another, but if she does care then she can simply request to be moved. At that point it stops being your problem. for your best friend it is going to be a bit trickier, but usually close friends tend to come around. I mean, this girls is your best friend because you are an awesome person and not because you are straight. Chances are that, like the poster said above, you will show her that being bi doesn't change you in any aspect. Now, if she does break your relationship over such an insignificant thing, then it was her own mentality and not your sexuality that broke the relationship. And it will also be her loss. I know that doing all of that is easier said that done, but trust me it is worth it. Being able to be yourself without caring who thinks what and truly knowing that all your friends like you for you and not their perception of you is priceless.
Hi there SBianca! The semester is just beginning. Your sexual orientation is not really anybody's busuness. I would keep it cloaked for right now, until you get to know more people and gather more info about your social situation. I'd wait until about a week or two before the end of the semester, before bringing the topic up to anyone. Right now, I would just focus almost exclusively upon my studies. Breaking the news to folks just before the end of the semester will give everyone the entire Xmas break to get over it and if any tensions should arise, there will be enough time given for any uneasy or negative feelings to subside. Meanwhile, I would attend any and all LGBT meetings or related social events. Try to develop tighter bonds with other bi women on campus. I say "bi" women, because it's my conviction that bi women understand bi women, more so than gay women do. As a matter of fact, IMHO bi folks understand bi folks more than either straight or gay folks do. Therefore, after acting upon TheEdend's great suggestion about making a switch, hopefully next semester you'll have a cooler roommate. A roommate who will completely understand the various types of company you'd like to occasionally keep. I would seriously look into the legal particulars concerning switching rooms and/or roommates, both immedaitely and discretely. There may be either time restrictions or contractural restraints involved. Good Luck! PS. It's a rare case for straight folks to feel comfortable around LGBT folks in close living arrangements... That's especially so, if they were both born with the same sex genitalia!
That is good advice. Some people prefer to get to know their roommates a bit better before letting them know. The idea is that your personality will offset any negative thoughts they will have about different sexualities. For me it is too much to have to live and hide my sexuality for a whole semester, but that is a personal decision for you to make. I will comment on the bold part, though. From my experience, its actually not all that rare for straight people to be completely comfortable living with gay people in dorms. I have actually shared 2 beds with straight guys and there haven't been any problems what so ever. Last summer I also went to camp sort of thing and I had to stay in a cabin for a week and something with 20 other guys. Everyone was cool about it and I didn't get shit from anyone there. Give your roommate a chance
I'm sorry, I didn't read the first post properly and ended up thinking that your room mate and your best friend were one person. I stick by what I said before though, if you tell your friend, things might get a bit rocky, but eventually she would hopefully realise that your sexuality is not important when it comes to your friendship.
Mango quote: It's a rare case for straight folks to feel comfortable around LGBT folks in close living arrangements...That's especially so, if they were both born with the same sex genitalia! TheEdend says: Mango quote: I can only attribute your integrated living arrangement success, to either your winning personality, or the special conditions underwhich the other guys were subjected to, in order to tighten their reigns... Otherwise, I would expect your little microcosm of an extract of the larger world, to be a direct reflection of that same world.
If I do end up telling my roommate it probably wouldn't be for a while. I'd like to let the first semester pass without any "announcements", as others have suggested. As for my best friend, she and I drove home together for the weekend this afternoon and got to talking about the student organizations we're going to join, and I had planned to mention the LGBTS group I've joined and casually lead into a "What do you think about that? What if, oh, I don't know, a friend turned out to be....?" sort of question, but it was hard to bring it up and I just let it drop. I guess I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing because I don't have any huge problems with this. It's just difficult and saddening to not be able to discuss this big part of myself with her. I just can't mention the girl I'm interested in with her the way she talks about the guy she likes. She asks me if anybody has caught my eye and I just say something like, "Ah, not really, no" when I really just want to confide in her the way she does in me. Nothing cataclysmic, but stressful all the same. I really appreciate all this.
