Hello once again EC! Back for more advice... My life is good at the moment, I am preparing to leave for college. I have told 2 friends and 1 cousin (against the title of the thread but!). I do not want to hold any 'secrets' in college, I just want to be me instead of making this coming out thing a whole big deal. I managed it quite well with my cousin who will be living like 5 minutes from me in college, and I indeed didn't want to keep it from her. But my problem at the moment is trying to come out to my brothers. There is one in particular I want to tell first. Hes always been good to me and looked out for me, but all the same it has its extremes in a love/hate brotherly relationship... This is a complete understatement too, but that's a whole different thread! I want to tell him about being gay. I am dying to, at the moment - it is one of my top priorities. He is going away in a months time to travel Oz, and I want to make sure he knows and we talked about it and he goes on good terms. But my problem at the moment is that I am finding it physically impossible. I have told all the others who know with relative ease and in one with some confidence. But in this case with my brother, every time I try to steer the conversation in such a way - I clam up. Unable to go further and just continue the conversation as 'normal'. I feel like I HAVE to tell him in person - I don't know if he deserves a letter/email/text message... I feel like I'm being a coward (not that I mean that in any disrespect to anyone who has done it that way.) and he will also see it that way? There is also a few other 'issues' that will arise when it eventually is told and it will make him angry more than likely. I do not know, but its eating me up horribly. Please help, what can I do? I have tried everything under the book of "manning up and doing it" but I simply can't - I'm ashamed that I can't.
You see, I am not sure on that. Today - while walking and working I was texting him about meeting up for a pint before he leaves for his trip. I said that I'll miss him and I think he could tell I was being serious, but when I was talking to him on phone - from what I was to being fully ready and mad to tell him, I clammed up again. I do not know. I feel like I should send a text/email, because at the moment its the only physical way I could - but I feel like I owe him more than that, to do it face to face. Something I don't think I could cope with. I know I sound like a complete loser who doesn't have any guts...
You're not a loser. Something like coming out is very hard to do, especially since it's so personal and you leave yourself open and vulnerable. Personally I think it's something that is best to do in person, especially with a family member. Would it be easier to say "I'm not straight" instead of saying "I'm gay?"
Well, one thing you could do would be to tell him that you have something to tell him, but your're scared. That's the truth, and it would allow him to help initiate the conversation. You could tell him that much over text message or in email, and have the rest of the conversation in person. Why will he be angry? I actually think that if there is a chance he'll get angry in the middle of the conversation, it might be better to write a letter. Writing a letter would ensure that you could address all the issues without being interrupted, as thoroughly as you want to. You would be able to directly explain and/or apologize for everything you think he might be angry about. If an in-person conversation gets really emotional, you might not have the chance to say everything you need to say. You could also write him a letter and give it to him in person--or, if you want, you could read it out loud to him. If you want help writing it, you could post a draft here, and we'll help.
