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Cyber harrassment (possible homophobe targetting gays/lesbians)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MariRawr, Sep 1, 2012.

  1. MariRawr

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Netherlands, Dordrecht
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    So, for a while now, I've been a regular on a site that posts confessions about something I happen to be a fan of. I thought it'd be nice to have discussions with people about said confessions, and so, I joined in commenting a bunch of months ago. Because of the wide horizon of topics, a lot of things came up, sexual orientation being included, so naturally, I briefly mentioned I'm a lesbian as I made my statement and explained my point of view. However, ever since that happened, I've been harrassed by multiple anons, which seem to be a few people. Probably 2, maybe just 1. But these people have been harrassing me for a few months now. It never really got to me as I'm fine with my sexual orientation and anyone that has to hide behind a grey face online to state their opinion is kind of insignificant in my eyes. But lately, my girlfriend has also joined the site and the discussions. It wasn't until I briefly mentioned she was my girlfriend that the anons started popping up again, at first with one name, then later switched with every message because they're very much aware the admins of the site will be able to find them if they use the same name over and over. I've reported it to the admins, but up until now they haven't responded yet or removed any of the comments made by the person.

    The anon first butted into a discussion me and my girlfriend were having (the same discussion in which I addressed her as my girlfriend btw) and urged my girlfriend to break up with me. We both replied in a confused way as it was quite rude and shocking. The anon proceeded to start saying things about me borrowing a dildo from them and other things of the sort. That was quite strange, but after a few attempts of trying to find out why the anon was acting like that, me and my girlfriend simply brushed it off. That was two days ago. Today, the anon struck again in a discussion about something very emotional, replying to my girlfriend they commented once again about dildos and such, including my username as they did before too. When I replied to him in a quite annoyed manner as he was being EXTREMELY insensitive and rude, he once again replied saying "You wish you have a cock.", something which is very untrue as I'm personally quite disgusted with male genitals (no offense guys, I'm fine with you having them and all but I don't like them). However, this did underline my theory: that this person is a homophobe and has been targetting me because I openly stated I'm a lesbian.

    Now, I'll be waiting for the admins to remove this person, but I'm not sure if banning is an option. It might be, but there's a chance their comments will simply get removed, but they can still make new comments.

    I want it to be clear I'm not emotionally bothered by this anon. I'm simply annoyed that me and my girlfriend are being attacked all the time by this person. They interupt any discussion we have with anyone to make some kind of lame insulting comment towards us, especially me, so I'd like to hear some ideas on how to scare this person off since I don't feel like having to deal with them every time I'm trying to have a decent discussion with someone. Thank you.
     
    #1 MariRawr, Sep 1, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2012
  2. Mango

    Regular Member

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    I say, repeatedly PM one of the admins in particular, and make them feel personally responsible.

    After a period of time, even they would have to appear derelict to themselves, of their own duties!
     
    #2 Mango, Sep 1, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2012
  3. Hiems

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    Perhaps you and your girlfriend should switch to another site that has the same thing you're a fan of. It sounds like the person bothering both of you is quite persistent. Even if the person gets banned, he or she could find other means of harassing both of you, such as remaking accounts, using other computers, or changing IP address.
     
  4. Ianthe

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    Depending how much staff they have, it may take them some time to look into it. There also might be only so much they can do. I'd give them a couple more days to sort things out, though.

    The first thing I would try is just totally ignoring them and not responding to them at all. Just pretend that their comments don't exist. Trolls usually leave if no one is feeding them. Engaging them in any way at all usually only spurs them on. You will notice that your angry reply really only made the situation worse. That's because it is exactly that kind of conflict that the troll is looking for. If you ignore them, they usually get bored and go away.

    Keep reporting the comments, but don't respond to them directly in any way at all. Reporting every comment should be enough for the staff to take notice.
     
  5. BudderMC

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    Ianthe said what I was going to, so I'll just add something small on. Since those types of idiots (bullies, essentially) look for a reaction from their "victims", don't give it to them. If you don't think you can manage that, maybe you could consider taking a break from the site for a few days, just long enough to get them to (hopefully) lose interest.
     
  6. Revan

    Full Member

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    Dependent on the admins system, they may be able to ban the IP address. It's hard to say if they can, but they might be able to. Ask.